Petty fashion/beauty advice please

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Casual summer dress and sandals.

Any suggestions for good casual summer dresses? I do think dresses or skirts are the way to go in terms of looking a little more pulled together, but I don't own many. Would love weather-appropriate suggestions.

Was looking at some knee length cotton dresses at JCrew that look cute but was thinking it would be good to wear a pair of bike shorts underneath, so if anyone has recommendations for those, lmk. Since I'm hauling kids around, I want to be practical.

If you're going knee length, don't bother with the bike shorts. I often notice them, and they look terrible.

[Anonymous]

Button up cotton blouse with rolled sleeves, chino shorts, and sandals or slip on sneakers is what I see most on fellow wfh moms at camp drop off. I assume the blouse is for Zoom purposes. Most look nicely put together. Also: you said you’re slender and athletic body type? Show off those legs off

But, really, screw her. I agree with others in that sunglasses will probably do what you need. Get some awesome glasses that you love. I love mirrored sunglasses; they hide all expression. Don’t take them off if/when you see her. If she wants to chat, just wave your hand vaguely and immediately be on your way; you have no time for the likes of her.

[Anonymous]

Can you go the mall with a GF who can advise you on what looks cute and flattering on your specific body?

[Anonymous]

OP - that person sounds horrible and please don't waste any mental energy on her.
If you want, make an effort for yourself, to make you feel beautiful FOR YOU!
What is your body shape? There are fashion bloggers who do a great job publicizing deals on their favorite pieces - for instance I am petite and like the blogger extra petite, very classic style and I have bought some pieces she recommends even though I am not as overall tiny as she is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don't put any energy into trying to impress this toxic person

+2

It’s trite but it’s true: do not let bullies have any power over you, especially when they don’t have any power over you. Go confidently.

[Anonymous]

OP I’m all for you wearing whatever makes you feel confident but I agree with everyone else that what you really need is a NGAF strategy, a strategy for not giving a f$& about her.

Realistically, if someone is a bully there is no level of skin care, fashion, or genetic attractiveness that is going to prevent them from being mean. They can do it to anyone.

I don’t know if the right thing is to ignore her or to call her out. It’s probably to ignore her. Or come up with something neutral but cold to say that means “F you betch” in your head.

[Anonymous]

I'm the poster from last week who said I wear skirts and dresses all the time. Here's some of my super casual dresses:

https://www.ae.com/us/en/p/aerie/dresses-skirts/dresses/aerie-jacquard-open-back-dress/7495_1570_173?menu=cat4840006

https://www.ae.com/us/en/p/aerie/dresses-skirts/dresses/offline-by-aerie-real-me-low-key-dress/1704_1210_815?menu=cat1090003

https://www.jcrew.com/p/womens/categories/clothing/dresses-and-jumpsuits/button-front-shift-dress-in-linen/BR434?display=standard&fit=Classic&color_name=dark-evening&colorProductCode=BR434

[Anonymous]

Agree with everyone else who says you shouldn’t let this woman take up space in your brain, but I also totally understand wanting to look your best in this situation. Here’s what I’d do - adjust to your budget, style, etc.

I’d go with a linen or cotton oversized button-down shirt, like the Deep End style from AYR or similar, in a cornflower or other medium blue. Not light blue or cobalt, as pastels and jewel tones aren’t as universally flattering as colors in the middle of the spectrum. If you’re tan or have a darker skin tone, white is another option. Avoid white if you have a lot of redness in your complexion.

On the bottom, wear flattering shorts with a slightly longer (but not too long) inseam. You probably know which style of shorts look best on you. For example, I love pleated, high-waist shorts because they emphasize my waist and enhance my hourglass shape. I look terrible in straighter styles since they flatten my butt. If you don’t know which shorts look good on you, try on a bunch of different pairs, take pictures, then compare. Ask for brutal honesty from someone you trust. For material, white or medium denim is always classic. Linen is lovely but wrinkles easily. Matching sets are chic, though, so consider linen shorts if you’re going with a linen top and don’t think you’ll get too wrinkled. Tuck in that shirt and emphasize your waist with a high-quality brown leather belt. You can find excellent belts on Poshmark (I’m a huge fan of vintage Coach leather belts) or purchase new (my favorite is B-Low the Belt, but steer clear of their super trendy styles). Wear leather sandals that coordinate with but do not exactly match your belt (love Sarah Flint’s Grear sandals, any sandals from
Dear Frances, and have my eye on J.Crew’s padded Menorca sandals in brown). Carry a brown leather tote (I love Dragon Diffusion or similar for summer) and you’ll instantly look more put together than anyone carrying a nylon backpack or something utilitarian. Choose sunglasses that are flattering to your face but are not black, which is too harsh for most. Make sure your jewelry and clothing is clean and your shoes and bag are clean and conditioned. If you don’t have simple, high-quality jewelry, don’t wear any. Leave the statement pieces at home as it’ll look like you’re trying too hard.

Clean, neat hair and tidy nails that are buffed or polished in a neutral color pull together a look. If you have time to whiten your teeth, do it, even if you can only use a few strips. I also love using Tan Luxe drops during the summer, but just a bit every two or so days so the color doesn’t look fake. It’s summer, so keep your makeup light if you wear it - think tinted moisturizer, dark brown mascara, a tinted lip balm, etc.

Avoid at all costs: synthetic materials that will make you sweat, athleisure, over-the-top jewelry, faux leather shoes or bags, and any clothing that doesn’t fit you well and/or makes you feel uncomfortable. Don’t overdo your hair or make up.

I understand wanting to look your best in a situation that makes you nervous or feel off balance. Please realize that her bullying behavior has nothing to do with you and everything to do with her. You can be a tall, slim, beautiful, rich, intelligent, and incredibly chic woman and a bully would still find something to pick apart. If she says anything inappropriate or rude, know that everyone around will judge her for her poor behavior. Silence and a pointed look are often the best response to rudeness.

[Anonymous]

Honestly, if you have an athletic build I would get a few athletic dresses from Lululemon to show off your figure, a pair of Vejas, and look effortlessly cool in the heat. Tuckernuck is also a good suggestion, and look at AYR for breezy maxi dresses.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Agree with everyone else who says you shouldn’t let this woman take up space in your brain, but I also totally understand wanting to look your best in this situation. Here’s what I’d do - adjust to your budget, style, etc.

I’d go with a linen or cotton oversized button-down shirt, like the Deep End style from AYR or similar, in a cornflower or other medium blue. Not light blue or cobalt, as pastels and jewel tones aren’t as universally flattering as colors in the middle of the spectrum. If you’re tan or have a darker skin tone, white is another option. Avoid white if you have a lot of redness in your complexion.

On the bottom, wear flattering shorts with a slightly longer (but not too long) inseam. You probably know which style of shorts look best on you. For example, I love pleated, high-waist shorts because they emphasize my waist and enhance my hourglass shape. I look terrible in straighter styles since they flatten my butt. If you don’t know which shorts look good on you, try on a bunch of different pairs, take pictures, then compare. Ask for brutal honesty from someone you trust. For material, white or medium denim is always classic. Linen is lovely but wrinkles easily. Matching sets are chic, though, so consider linen shorts if you’re going with a linen top and don’t think you’ll get too wrinkled. Tuck in that shirt and emphasize your waist with a high-quality brown leather belt. You can find excellent belts on Poshmark (I’m a huge fan of vintage Coach leather belts) or purchase new (my favorite is B-Low the Belt, but steer clear of their super trendy styles). Wear leather sandals that coordinate with but do not exactly match your belt (love Sarah Flint’s Grear sandals, any sandals from
Dear Frances, and have my eye on J.Crew’s padded Menorca sandals in brown). Carry a brown leather tote (I love Dragon Diffusion or similar for summer) and you’ll instantly look more put together than anyone carrying a nylon backpack or something utilitarian. Choose sunglasses that are flattering to your face but are not black, which is too harsh for most. Make sure your jewelry and clothing is clean and your shoes and bag are clean and conditioned. If you don’t have simple, high-quality jewelry, don’t wear any. Leave the statement pieces at home as it’ll look like you’re trying too hard.

Clean, neat hair and tidy nails that are buffed or polished in a neutral color pull together a look. If you have time to whiten your teeth, do it, even if you can only use a few strips. I also love using Tan Luxe drops during the summer, but just a bit every two or so days so the color doesn’t look fake. It’s summer, so keep your makeup light if you wear it - think tinted moisturizer, dark brown mascara, a tinted lip balm, etc.

Avoid at all costs: synthetic materials that will make you sweat, athleisure, over-the-top jewelry, faux leather shoes or bags, and any clothing that doesn’t fit you well and/or makes you feel uncomfortable. Don’t overdo your hair or make up.

I understand wanting to look your best in a situation that makes you nervous or feel off balance. Please realize that her bullying behavior has nothing to do with you and everything to do with her. You can be a tall, slim, beautiful, rich, intelligent, and incredibly chic woman and a bully would still find something to pick apart. If she says anything inappropriate or rude, know that everyone around will judge her for her poor behavior. Silence and a pointed look are often the best response to rudeness.

Excellent advice!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How on earth did a woman bully you about your appearance??

We worked together and she would make "jokes" about my clothes and hair, give me unsolicited advice, make comments when we took group photos at events about how I my expression or pose was screwing up the symmetry of the photo. I also overheard her saying rude things about my clothes, teeth, and hair to other people.

Ftr, I'm not ugly. I think I'm pretty average looking and can be pretty if I put some effort in. I have some flaws (not amazing skin, and my teeth are crooked), but lots of people have stuff like that. I have no idea why she did this but it was brutal and I was really miserable in that job. We now have kids close in age and live in the same neighborhood and seeing her gives me a stomach ache.

Honey, it doesn’t matter how you dress or what you do, bullies are going to bully.

[Anonymous]

I agree that you should not give her your energy but if you must, buy something simple and cheap like these Amazon smocked maxi dresses with some Hermes slide dupes. Ez and screw her!

Tiered Midi Dress https://a.co/d/6zicaeP

https://www.dsw.com/en/us/product/steve-madden-hayden-sandal/555489?activeColor=110&width=Medium

[Anonymous]

Coolibar UPF 50+ Women's Oceanview Tunic Dress - Sun Protective https://a.co/d/34Fs4ch

This dress cut is one of my favorites for running around. It’s very flattering if you have good legs but it’s casual enough for flip flops or running around shoes. Also it’s sun protection so it’s good for you too!

[Anonymous]

Many years ago a woman made a mean comment about a pimple on my face. I have never forgotten it and often wish I had responded "We all have our flaws; some are physical and others are character."

But then I might have been as bad of a bully as she was?

[Anonymous]

This isn't about impressing the bully, guys. It's about feeling really good about herself *so that she can forget about how she looks* and just deal with what is in front of her.

That's what good grooming and attractive, flattering clothing can do for you. It feels in the cracks of insecurity and serves as a sort of armor -- you aren't crossing your arms to shrink in and hide your breasts, or standing in a way that your butt or your scraped shoes aren't visible.

When you really believe you look good, you can forget about it. Then you can focus on dealing with the emotional situation without being distracted. Sometimes you just need your armor.