What was the hardest phase?

[Anonymous]

I don't think the "little kids, little problems" thing always holds true. I was a wildly abstract thinker as a little kid, which led to a huge difference between where I was intellectually and emotionally -- early elementary school (ages 4-9ish) was the most stressful, problematic time of my life as I had no tools to handle my fears about infinity and death and such. I knew adults didn't have answers to my real questions, so I felt terrifyingly alone all the time. By middle school, I had self-taught CPT strategies to manage my fears and was absorbed in the way easier stuff of social dynamics and school. For me, childhood got easier as I got older.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't think the "little kids, little problems" thing always holds true. I was a wildly abstract thinker as a little kid, which led to a huge difference between where I was intellectually and emotionally -- early elementary school (ages 4-9ish) was the most stressful, problematic time of my life as I had no tools to handle my fears about infinity and death and such. I knew adults didn't have answers to my real questions, so I felt terrifyingly alone all the time. By middle school, I had self-taught CPT strategies to manage my fears and was absorbed in the way easier stuff of social dynamics and school. For me, childhood got easier as I got older.

Obviously you are too smart to know this isn't about you, it's about your parents. Sucks to be smart, I know.

[Anonymous]

My kids are 18 & 20, so still have a lot of college years left. So far, around 7-9th grade was hardest with my oldest. He was diagnosed with ADHD in 9th and treatment for that greatly improved things. The biggest challenges in retrospect were really related to inability to control impulsive behavior. It read as disrespect, disregard for rules and DH especially got into power control struggles with DS that stressed out the whole household. Things completely turned around in HS after ADHD medication and some great tutors who really inspired him to buckle down academically. He's now a delight and doing great in a challenging STEM program at college.

For DD, she was easy until covid/10th grade. The demands of online HS overwhelmed her ability to cope. Therapy and treatment for anxiety helped a lot but things are still challenging. I feel good about where she has settled with college, a small school with a lot of support. But I don't know that we're out of the woods yet on that.

[Anonymous]

HS and young adult, no question
And I have multiples

[Anonymous]

HS for sure - the whole college process sucks - not because of the kids - other parents constantly boasting and comparing and probing about your kids activities was the worst and very stressful for the kids going through it. So many idiots in this area have the stupidest ideas about what creates success and happiness.

[Anonymous]

Infant - age 4 is physically exhausting (you are always cleaning, caring and helping, usually with not enough sleep)

Teens amd young adults are emotionally exhausting, and the consequences are so much greater that it's a near constant state of worry (and we have 3 great kids). They're teens, they make bad choices and do dumb things.

So both have awesome moments, and incredibly exhausting, stressful moments. Hopefully the former outweigh the latter

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:HS and young adult, no question
And I have multiples

Agree

[Anonymous]

Our kids are in college, so we haven't really hit the "adult" years in any meaningful way. But I'd say the period when they were 3-5 years old was the hardest phase for us. Honestly, the teen years have been a breeze. They've become delightful people with a friend group who were good influences.

[Anonymous]

I don’t know as my oldest is 13 so clearly I’m not of the woods yet. But I’m bracing myself because this last year, particularly (7th grade) was AWFUL.

I’m bracing myself because I cannot help but worry that if we had/have to deal with what we are goin through now when our child is so young, I shudder to think what is in the cards for the next years.

It is so bad that it made me regret having children because I realize things can get worse and it is really a life ling commitment/responsibility.

It is like being emotionally hostage to someone else for the rest of my life.

If things turn out well and this was just a phase that will be wonderful because I truly love my child and they have the potential to become great people. They WERE great people who brought me TONS of joy before.

Things stated derailing during the second semester of 2020, age 10/5th grade.

I will always wonder if we would be in a different place now if it was not for the pandemic, or if I at least had do e things differently during the pandemic.

Hindsight is 20-20 though…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t know as my oldest is 13 so clearly I’m not of the woods yet. But I’m bracing myself because this last year, particularly (7th grade) was AWFUL.

I’m bracing myself because I cannot help but worry that if we had/have to deal with what we are goin through now when our child is so young, I shudder to think what is in the cards for the next years.

It is so bad that it made me regret having children because I realize things can get worse and it is really a life ling commitment/responsibility.

It is like being emotionally hostage to someone else for the rest of my life.

If things turn out well and this was just a phase that will be wonderful because I truly love my child and they have the potential to become great people. They WERE great people who brought me TONS of joy before.

Things stated derailing during the second semester of 2020, age 10/5th grade.

I will always wonder if we would be in a different place now if it was not for the pandemic, or if I at least had do e things differently during the pandemic.

Hindsight is 20-20 though…

My daughter got sporadically moody for about a year when she was 12 or 13 -- puberty hormones, I presume. It passed pretty quickly. I don't know what exactly you're dealing with, but I wouldn't take it for granted that things will continue to get worse or will stay bad for too long.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Post college is kicking our butt right now. It never ends.

Please say more - would love more granular insight.

[Anonymous]

My kids are 13.5 and 10 and we have had the best summer of our lives so far. My kids are finally getting along and even playing together at the pool! I am the happiest I have been in a while.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kids are 13.5 and 10 and we have had the best summer of our lives so far. My kids are finally getting along and even playing together at the pool! I am the happiest I have been in a while.

That’s great, but I think the OP wants to hear from parents of adult children who have seen the whole thing through. Enjoy where you’re at, though.

[Anonymous]

15 to 19

There is so much parenting in those years and it’s so complicated. God speed, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kids are 13.5 and 10 and we have had the best summer of our lives so far. My kids are finally getting along and even playing together at the pool! I am the happiest I have been in a while.

The teen years are pretty easy for us so far, but the range you describe might be the one I felt was the best. They were old enough to take care of themselves somewhat, but young enough to still think mom & dad were pretty great.