The arrogance….wow

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:15 seems to be the number, give or take a year. So predictable!

That puts most couples these days at about 45 years old which is the bottom of the happiness trough. Youth is gone but the mellowness of age hasn’t kicked in.

[Anonymous]

I’m reminded of Danny DeVito in “Ruthless People” saying, “I hate the way she licks stamps!”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s just too much now. I can’t believe it’s gotten to this point. DH has always had an arrogant streak, but I overlooked it focusing on his good qualities. After being married for 15 years, it’s gotten worse. He truly believes his way of doing things is the only right way. He is driving me and our kid up the wall.

For instance, if I’m cooking he’ll point out I’m not using the right utensil. Mind you I’ve been cooking for years, we both cook. I’ll take the time to explain I actually have a specific reason why I’m using one utensil over the other. I remind him people have different ways of doing things. The point is, he would have known that had he thought to ask me instead of assuming I am clueless. Take this example and multiply it 5x per day in different scenarios. He just assumes people are idiots.

If I have an opinion about something that is entirely subjective he will impose his subjective view in the most obnoxious way to "correct" me. For example, we both saw a house. I thought it was poorly designed and I expressed my dislike of it. He tried to change my mind about it. I was super annoyed by this. I waited a day before I brought it to his attention. When I did, he explained he was trying to shed light on the matter for me. It’s my opinion on whether I like the design of a house or not. I am entitled to my opinion!

He has been saying for months that we are fundamentally different. I disagreed with him because I truly believed we were aligned at the core. Recently I have started to agree with him, and that scares me because now I feel like I don’t know him at all. It’s like someone removed my rose colored glasses and I’m left with this man who thinks he is always right and trying to make me feel like I am deficient in every way. What next? Try to reconnect? Go out separate ways? Live separately under one roof? Right now I’m angry and I want nothing to do with him. I want to rest, reconnect with myself and heal from emotional damage I’ve inflicted on myself.

My fix to the cooking would be to hand him the "correct" utensil and tell him you're happy to have him take over. Walk out of the kitchen right in the middle of whatever you were doing and go do something else. Do it every time.

On the trying to change your subjective opinion, you just have to not engage on this. I tend to agree with everyone on here that year 15 is around the time this happens. I spent a lot of useless time and effort trying to get my feelings respected until I just really didn't care anymore because it was SO STUPID. The most I will say is "I guess we can agree to disagree" and then not engage further.

As for what to do now - I have no idea. I considered divorce for a long time, but decided against it. But I am pretty certain my husband would never initiate a divorce. The only foolproof thing I have discovered is letting him make his own mistakes and letting a lot roll off my back because he's only doing this stuff in hopes of getting a reaction. I do agree that someone saying you are fundamentally different is an indication they may be halfway out the door.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:15 seems to be the number, give or take a year. So predictable!

That puts most couples these days at about 45 years old which is the bottom of the happiness trough. Youth is gone but the mellowness of age hasn’t kicked in.

Yup. And my ex’s girlfriend gave him a CD for his 45 birthday. The songs were total crap. Who burns cds anymore ?! haha

[Anonymous]

She can have him from 45 to 60. I enjoyed his youth and youthful disposition during most of our marriage!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I guess I’m tired of trying. It shouldn’t be this difficult to have love in a relationship. I feel very sad and hurt by it all. His father is the same way and I fear it’ll just get worse with age with DH.

Mansplainers are literally awful. I deal with these aholes all day long at work and wonder how/ why their wives out up with it. Zero chance I’d accept that from my DH.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like your DH has a high IQ and understands things that you don’t. That can be frustrating for both spouses.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like your DH has a high IQ and understands things that you don’t. That can be frustrating for both spouses.

HA! DH has entered the chat.