The arrogance….wow

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't love gazpacho. It is easy enough to avoid, but in general cold soup is not my favorite thing.

DH loves gazpacho. Whenever he sees a tomato, he thinks, I'll make gazpacho with that tomato! Multiple times per week he talks about making gazpacho. Multiple times per week I do not get excited about the prospect of his gazpacho.

Oh, the offense! You'd think I killed a puppy. Raised eyebrows, tsk tsks, that's-too-bad head shakes, what do you mean how could you not love my gazpacho, it's the best summer food, you must have bad taste, I worked hard on this gazpacho, everyone loves gazpacho what's wrong with you, I make the best gazpacho in the world, this gazpacho turned out great, on and on and on. Then he's mad when I don't clean up the gazpacho mess.

For years I lived like this. One day we ran into a friend and DH inevitably brought up his gazpacho plans for the day. The friend said she didn't love gazpacho. Oh dear, I thought, looking over to see DH's reaction, here comes the gazpacho shaming, this lady is about to get a lecture!

DH said, "Gazpacho is not for everyone."

Now I think I have to divorce him.

So true. So true.

Love ur writing style too.

[Anonymous]

OP. This is how things started with my ex when everything went downhill. It’s not even the criticism- it’s the inability to understand that other people have different ways of doing things and different points of view. He’s a narcissist like my ex. I can see the writing on the wall. Maybe it never gets worse than this for you and you can manage with gray rock responses. Good luck. But in my case when we hit a rough patch in our lives his behavior escalated and it’s been a nightmare to say the least.

[Anonymous]

“Fundamentally different” is one of those phrases people like to use when they are contemplating exiting the marriage

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m beginning to think there is something sort of magical about year 15 where you sort of look around, realize you are not quite dead yet but your spouse is JUST TERRIBLE. I have felt it too and if you read this forum a lot you realize a lot of affairs and dissolutions seem to happen at year 15.

Should you leave this guy, OP? There is no way for us to know whether you are being fair or having a moment. It is probably time for individual therapy and couples counseling to figure this out. Just be confident that a lot of people look at their spouses one day and feel this way.

Yes. I started hearing that Talking Heads song differently. The lyrics resonated with it so much! Every where I turned, I wanted out. At the very same time, my ex was jettisoning a business partner, facing stress, probably also having a his own mini-crisis. — female

Do you mean Once in a Lifetime or a different song?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Learn some grey rock phrases - “thanks for your input” “oh, interesting point of view” “well we all have our own way of doing things” and just ignore his inout and do as you please. the key is not to engage. do not create discussion in these moments.

Well you can do those things to endure the marriages. But what’s the point if you’re still miserable? And doing those things won’t exactly foster intimacy.

OP I had identical experience with my now ex. Once I left I didn’t realize how much of a weight I lived under.
I’m now with someone who isn’t constantly critiquing me. I don’t know why I tolerated that treatment for so long.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't love gazpacho. It is easy enough to avoid, but in general cold soup is not my favorite thing.

DH loves gazpacho. Whenever he sees a tomato, he thinks, I'll make gazpacho with that tomato! Multiple times per week he talks about making gazpacho. Multiple times per week I do not get excited about the prospect of his gazpacho.

Oh, the offense! You'd think I killed a puppy. Raised eyebrows, tsk tsks, that's-too-bad head shakes, what do you mean how could you not love my gazpacho, it's the best summer food, you must have bad taste, I worked hard on this gazpacho, everyone loves gazpacho what's wrong with you, I make the best gazpacho in the world, this gazpacho turned out great, on and on and on. Then he's mad when I don't clean up the gazpacho mess.

For years I lived like this. One day we ran into a friend and DH inevitably brought up his gazpacho plans for the day. The friend said she didn't love gazpacho. Oh dear, I thought, looking over to see DH's reaction, here comes the gazpacho shaming, this lady is about to get a lecture!

DH said, "Gazpacho is not for everyone."

Now I think I have to divorce him.

Thank you for this one.

[Anonymous]

I am picturing him making gazpacho for me with a teeny tiny apron that comically covers his middle. Perfect teeth and twinkling eyes.

Probably served pottery he got in the divorce. He laughs about that now

[Anonymous]

He sounds very controlling.

[Anonymous]

Gazpacho in your colorful pottery. Maybe you even fought about the design on the way home from the market. It had too much blue, which can be dangerous for the kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m beginning to think there is something sort of magical about year 15 where you sort of look around, realize you are not quite dead yet but your spouse is JUST TERRIBLE. I have felt it too and if you read this forum a lot you realize a lot of affairs and dissolutions seem to happen at year 15.

Should you leave this guy, OP? There is no way for us to know whether you are being fair or having a moment. It is probably time for individual therapy and couples counseling to figure this out. Just be confident that a lot of people look at their spouses one day and feel this way.

Yes. I started hearing that Talking Heads song differently. The lyrics resonated with it so much! Every where I turned, I wanted out. At the very same time, my ex was jettisoning a business partner, facing stress, probably also having a his own mini-crisis. — female

Do you mean Once in a Lifetime or a different song?

Once in a life time.
I looked around my master bedroom and said “This is not my house …”

[Anonymous]

“This is not my beautiful wife.” .. my poor former hubby had ballooned in size, I too was out of shape, over tired and so unhappy!

Btw, the micro talk from bother genders is an age and parent thing

[Anonymous]

momsplaining, microguiding and manspaling
it’s all annoying but predictable.

[Anonymous]

same poster as above
I went rock climbing this week. A mom of a six year old in our group (she was waiting, I was climbing with my teen) said “gooood job” in my face. She had crazy-wide eyes. I just looked at her blank. I get why she did it.

Don’t tell me we don’t do that sort of stuff at home. I did

[Anonymous]

So why would that woman speak to me that way? So weird, right ? Not really. She spoke to to me exactly how she talked to her young daughter. It was really off-putting and ridiculous to me.

Turns out she was quite nice. Perhaps she had a hard time with transitions…

[Anonymous]

Live a quiet, peaceful, happy life. This sounds like a bunch of shit.
These arrogant pieces of shit never change. Just get out.