65 yr old mom forgetting things and maybe gaslighting

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Gaslighting has officially jumped the shark. I immediately think the OP is full of BS when they use this term.

Same here. Which is a shame, because it used to be a useful word to describe a particular kind of abuse. Now it means "said something I didn't like" or "disagreed with me."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your mom is in a hellish place right now, has had a stroke and is experiencing cognitive issues. She's not gaslighting anyone. I'd be concerned that she's the one being gaslighted.

I'm a dog lover, but I don't see the dog with eye ulcers as being in the same league with the mom.

No one but me was taking care of the pup. Nobody cared about the pup at that time. If I had been negligent like my mom and brother our pup would have lost both of his eyes.

Okay? Real question: why is this part of your story here? Why is it important to you to be recognized for taking care of a dog while your brother took care of your ailing mom and his own kids/pets? Seems like you stepped up, but it seems like you were the logical one to do so and you are looking for recognition out of proportion with what you did.

[Anonymous]

SHE HAS MEMORY LOSS. You never remind someone with dementia/memory loss about the things they forgot, otherwise they cope by getting angry. This is dementia 101, OP.

1. Read up on how to manage someone with dementia.

2. Get your mother some expert medical care. There are medications nowadays to slow the progression of disease, and some are specific for Alzheimer's patients.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

SHE HAS MEMORY LOSS. You never remind someone with dementia/memory loss about the things they forgot, otherwise they cope by getting angry. This is dementia 101, OP.

1. Read up on how to manage someone with dementia.

2. Get your mother some expert medical care. There are medications nowadays to slow the progression of disease, and some are specific for Alzheimer's patients.

Is there an "inception" way to get someone to recognize and accept their own memory loss? Disability is difficult, but denying a disability creates more unnecessary suffering.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you sympathetic at all to what she is going through?

She needs to stop corresponding with the cruel SIL for sure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Financially she should get half of everything.

She's hoping for more. My dad is no saint and is not what he appears.

I hope a lawsuit has frozen all assets and is forensically going through the last five years of tax and bank statements to make sure Ahole Dad didn’t take a hide a $hit-ton $ or % of money abroad.

Make haste OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

SHE HAS MEMORY LOSS. You never remind someone with dementia/memory loss about the things they forgot, otherwise they cope by getting angry. This is dementia 101, OP.

1. Read up on how to manage someone with dementia.

2. Get your mother some expert medical care. There are medications nowadays to slow the progression of disease, and some are specific for Alzheimer's patients.

Is there an "inception" way to get someone to recognize and accept their own memory loss? Disability is difficult, but denying a disability creates more unnecessary suffering.

Not for Alzheimer's and most forms of dementia. The initial period when they are cognizant of their memory loss is the period when it's usually invisible to others - patients hide it. It's when the loss breaks through all their coping mechanisms that people notice, but by that time, a lot are too far gone to talk rationally about it, especially if people around them seek to trigger shame and guilt, when it's something entirely out of their control, and in moments of clarity, something they can still grieve over.

It is pretty obvious that this is a big part of why your father is divorcing your mother, OP.

You have a big problem on your hands, in terms of how to seek care for your mother - soon she won't be able to live by herself, and certainly not with her relatives unless you want to make this hellish for everyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you sympathetic at all to what she is going through?

I am sympathetic which is why I am helping her financially. I also helped her get info on my dad's whereabouts for the divorce so the lawyer would know where exactly he was staying when he came back to the US. I had to lie and break my dad's trust for my mom. We also recently lost our family pup and it's been super stressful for me. I took care of that pup when he had eye ulcers some months ago. My mom was too preoccupied with my dad to do anything about it. She got a stroke after speaking to my dad's sis in law about him. I have tried to be supportive of my mom since she's retired and encouraged her to get out of the house away from the phone or tv and get a somewhat easy job or take a class but she doesn't take an interest or retorts that she worked her whole life doing heavy manual work and this is her time to rest. IDK what else to do or how to prohibit her for her own well being. Also I am annoyed because my dad has repeatedly cheated on my mom, he never strived for better for his family and he was always mocked about it by my mom's family. No one except one person in my mom's family liked him.

Help your mom gets half of your Dad's assets so she has a sense of security.

[Anonymous]

OP: “. She's going thru a divorce after 50 yrs together with my dad and his sister in law keeps her informed about his new life with another“

Do you know about temporary cognitive decline induced by grief or major stress ?
Trauma also is a factor. Loss in memory, where one places things, organization, retaining numbers, even simple tasks —and the embarrassment that comes with it

[Anonymous]

She’ll need help with everything

Her whole world was turned upside down

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

SHE HAS MEMORY LOSS. You never remind someone with dementia/memory loss about the things they forgot, otherwise they cope by getting angry. This is dementia 101, OP.

1. Read up on how to manage someone with dementia.

2. Get your mother some expert medical care. There are medications nowadays to slow the progression of disease, and some are specific for Alzheimer's patients.

Is there an "inception" way to get someone to recognize and accept their own memory loss? Disability is difficult, but denying a disability creates more unnecessary suffering.

Not for Alzheimer's and most forms of dementia. The initial period when they are cognizant of their memory loss is the period when it's usually invisible to others - patients hide it. It's when the loss breaks through all their coping mechanisms that people notice, but by that time, a lot are too far gone to talk rationally about it, especially if people around them seek to trigger shame and guilt, when it's something entirely out of their control, and in moments of clarity, something they can still grieve over.

It is pretty obvious that this is a big part of why your father is divorcing your mother, OP.

You have a big problem on your hands, in terms of how to seek care for your mother - soon she won't be able to live by herself, and certainly not with her relatives unless you want to make this hellish for everyone.

This is the lamest post I’ve read in a while. Did you lose your license doc?

[Anonymous]

She really needs to be evaluated, not called crazy.