65 yr old mom forgetting things and maybe gaslighting

[Anonymous]

So my mom keeps forgetting things and asks me to repeat what I might have told her earlier in the day or yesterday. I tell her that I already told her the same thing 2 or 3 times or over and over again. She then screams at me in the car that I said she was crazy because she forgets things. I said she was crazy because she often accuses me of things that she says I said when I didn't. She's going thru a divorce after 50 yrs together with my dad and his sister in law keeps her informed about his new life with another woman and her kids and a dog ( he always complained about having dogs while living with my mom and even once pretended they escaped when he let then loose.). I'm helping my mom out financially because my dad is a cheapskate. My brother is also helping but we don't get along. I might as well be an only child. What to do here?

[Anonymous]

Oh she then accuses me of wanting her to die so I can stay with the scant 90k that she got as an inheritance from her mother.

[Anonymous]

If she has 90k why are you helping her?

Help her when she's on the verge of homelessness.

Don't tolerate being screamed at.

[Anonymous]

Are you sympathetic at all to what she is going through?

[Anonymous]

Gaslighting? How? You think, what, she’s pretending she forgets things and asks you to repeat them, to what end? Sounds like your mom is in a bad place and is distracted and must be at least 70 years old and facing a huge upheaval. And her daughter is calling her crazy. It's no fun being screamed at, but it's pretty rude to tell someone they are crazy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Gaslighting? How? You think, what, she’s pretending she forgets things and asks you to repeat them, to what end? Sounds like your mom is in a bad place and is distracted and must be at least 70 years old and facing a huge upheaval. And her daughter is calling her crazy. It's no fun being screamed at, but it's pretty rude to tell someone they are crazy.

Sorry, I just saw she's 65. So she's been married since she was 15? What other life does she know? This must be a terrifying experience.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If she has 90k why are you helping her?

Help her when she's on the verge of homelessness.

Don't tolerate being screamed at.

Where does it say the mom has 90k?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Gaslighting? How? You think, what, she’s pretending she forgets things and asks you to repeat them, to what end? Sounds like your mom is in a bad place and is distracted and must be at least 70 years old and facing a huge upheaval. And her daughter is calling her crazy. It's no fun being screamed at, but it's pretty rude to tell someone they are crazy.

Sorry, I just saw she's 65. So she's been married since she was 15? What other life does she know? This must be a terrifying experience.

OP said 50 years together w the dad not 50 years married.

[Anonymous]

Financially she should get half of everything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Gaslighting? How? You think, what, she’s pretending she forgets things and asks you to repeat them, to what end? Sounds like your mom is in a bad place and is distracted and must be at least 70 years old and facing a huge upheaval. And her daughter is calling her crazy. It's no fun being screamed at, but it's pretty rude to tell someone they are crazy.

Sorry, I just saw she's 65. So she's been married since she was 15? What other life does she know? This must be a terrifying experience.

OP said 50 years together w the dad not 50 years married.

Still, she has been with the same person since she was 15, and now she's 65. That has to be hugely stressful, and that can affect memory, mood, cognition, etc.

[Anonymous]

I feel bad for your mom. Her SIL is evil for informing her as to your dad’s new life. Your dad is a jerk for not giving your mom money. You’d called your mom crazy.

I’m not seeing any gaslighting described in your post, OP.

You sound like you have no compassion or empathy.

I’d be crazy too if I had to deal with you all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you sympathetic at all to what she is going through?

I am sympathetic which is why I am helping her financially. I also helped her get info on my dad's whereabouts for the divorce so the lawyer would know where exactly he was staying when he came back to the US. I had to lie and break my dad's trust for my mom. We also recently lost our family pup and it's been super stressful for me. I took care of that pup when he had eye ulcers some months ago. My mom was too preoccupied with my dad to do anything about it. She got a stroke after speaking to my dad's sis in law about him. I have tried to be supportive of my mom since she's retired and encouraged her to get out of the house away from the phone or tv and get a somewhat easy job or take a class but she doesn't take an interest or retorts that she worked her whole life doing heavy manual work and this is her time to rest. IDK what else to do or how to prohibit her for her own well being. Also I am annoyed because my dad has repeatedly cheated on my mom, he never strived for better for his family and he was always mocked about it by my mom's family. No one except one person in my mom's family liked him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Financially she should get half of everything.

She's hoping for more. My dad is no saint and is not what he appears.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you sympathetic at all to what she is going through?

I am sympathetic which is why I am helping her financially. I also helped her get info on my dad's whereabouts for the divorce so the lawyer would know where exactly he was staying when he came back to the US. I had to lie and break my dad's trust for my mom. We also recently lost our family pup and it's been super stressful for me. I took care of that pup when he had eye ulcers some months ago. My mom was too preoccupied with my dad to do anything about it. She got a stroke after speaking to my dad's sis in law about him. I have tried to be supportive of my mom since she's retired and encouraged her to get out of the house away from the phone or tv and get a somewhat easy job or take a class but she doesn't take an interest or retorts that she worked her whole life doing heavy manual work and this is her time to rest. IDK what else to do or how to prohibit her for her own well being. Also I am annoyed because my dad has repeatedly cheated on my mom, he never strived for better for his family and he was always mocked about it by my mom's family. No one except one person in my mom's family liked him.

Is “she got a stroke” just a phrase here or did she really have a stroke? Because if she did, that could affect her memory, and it’s not something she can help. Try to be calm and patient with her. Hopefully she’s seeing a doctor and getting regular medical care.

[Anonymous]

She is embarrassed for being called out on not remembering! Duh!