What recourse do I have with a defiant sixteen year old?

[Anonymous]

CHINS petition

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did you ask him if he wants to be emancipated? Maybe he does.

OP here. He won't do it on his own. He knows the law is on his side, and ultimately we are still responsible regardless of what he does.

Well, he's right in that way...but you get to control what 'home' is like for him. He needs a bed to sleep in, however, his room does not need a door if he cannot be respectful to you. You don't need working internet for him to use. He needs food, but doesn't need his preferred, varied food. He doesn't need streaming services to watch. What he needs to do is earn these things by following rules and showing respect.

I'd lower the boom on him.

PP who sent my kid to residential. One thing to consider is this. If your kid is prone to violence, going too far can result in disastrous consequences. Taking the door is one of those things I wouldn’t do.

[Anonymous]

Send him to a boarding school for 2 years, if you can.

[Anonymous]

Definitely a therapist because he may need medication. See if NIH has any trials going on that you can participate in. There was one a few years ago. I don’t know anything about it, my kid was in a different one, but we knew one was happening. Is this recent? Good luck.

[Anonymous]

I’d work through a therapist to come up with some rules and punishments that you all can agree with. It’s hard to get a 16 yo to take meds they don’t buy into. How are his grades? Is college in the plans?

[Anonymous]

Honestly...a 16 y/o ignoring curfew and being "disrespectful" doesn't sound that bad. What is "middle of the night" to you? What else do you worry is going on? Or is this it?

From the minimal information in your post it's hard to tell if you are an authoritarian parent who is losing it because her kid is coming home at 1:00am and speaking to you like a typical teenager, or if you're worried he's out all night dealing drugs and driving drunk.

[Anonymous]

Get him a dumb phone. He can earn a smartphone back. Change the Wi-Fi password in your house.

[Anonymous]

Is he just being disrespectful and coming home late? That doesn’t sound like a crisis to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Agree talk to a therapist. Are you worried about mental health or drugs? That changes the situation.

With our defiant kid, demanding authoritarian parenting did not work at all. Just lead to more power struggles. Good luck!!

Kids actually do need clear and consistent healthy boundaries. Consistently is key.

Not being authoritarian is not the same as having no boundaries.

You can set boundaries without yelling, screaming, anger and punishments.

[Anonymous]

Wow, I had to do a double take and see if I wrote this. Similar situation but not father in the picture. No advice except to take care of yourself too in the meantime. I hear it gets better, but I’m not holding my breath.