Why are boys so immature now?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What can you do to ensure you are raising a mature, well adjusted kid and eventual young adult? I’m seeing too many cases of failure to launch with boys and it makes me anxious.

Society is trying hard to get the boy out of them.

[Anonymous]

OP, who are the failure to launch boys you are seeing? Your nephews? Friends' sons? Offhand, I don't know any. Most young men I know seem to be doing decently well.

[Anonymous]

skatnixpanda wrote:When it comes to raising a mature and well-adjusted kid, it's all about fostering a supportive environment that encourages responsibility, accountability, and personal growth. Focus on teaching them essential life skills, setting clear boundaries, promoting positive values, and encouraging open communication.

I agree!

I would posit that boys need clear external boundaries more than girls do, in general. This is why so many people play the "father figure" card. The irony is that you'll see a lot of kids with a strong, skilled mother or grandmother go a lot further than boys with 2 parent "anything goes" households. There is a reason that these strong matriarchs are so often teachers-- it's not because they know how to teach a specific subject matter but because they know how to be a warm demander with clear boundaries and expectations.

But with the rise of gentle parenting and excuse making and the steady dismantling of schools being able to have and hold strong boundaries that parents support, boys are not having boundaries set the way they crave.

What happens, in a nutshell, is that boys are not being allowed a) to explicitly know the rules, b) to break the rules and have natural consequences when it is age appropriate, and c) are so afraid of failure because they've never fallen and had to learn to get back up again that they are paralyzed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

skatnixpanda wrote:When it comes to raising a mature and well-adjusted kid, it's all about fostering a supportive environment that encourages responsibility, accountability, and personal growth. Focus on teaching them essential life skills, setting clear boundaries, promoting positive values, and encouraging open communication.

I agree!

I would posit that boys need clear external boundaries more than girls do, in general. This is why so many people play the "father figure" card. The irony is that you'll see a lot of kids with a strong, skilled mother or grandmother go a lot further than boys with 2 parent "anything goes" households. There is a reason that these strong matriarchs are so often teachers-- it's not because they know how to teach a specific subject matter but because they know how to be a warm demander with clear boundaries and expectations.

But with the rise of gentle parenting and excuse making and the steady dismantling of schools being able to have and hold strong boundaries that parents support, boys are not having boundaries set the way they crave.

What happens, in a nutshell, is that boys are not being allowed a) to explicitly know the rules, b) to break the rules and have natural consequences when it is age appropriate, and c) are so afraid of failure because they've never fallen and had to learn to get back up again that they are paralyzed.

Your other points make sense but the bolded? That’s kind of absurd and actually is excuse making…

[Anonymous]

Boys are babied by maladjusted mothers and checked out fathers, and gentle parenting does not serve them well.

Boys cannot be turned into men without going through seminal experiences where he is forced to fend for himself, do something hard, go through something, learn to take orders and then give them. Cultures used to know this and arrange for these things to happen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Give them chores, and insist on them getting done. My 3.5 yr old is so proud to help. So was his older brother. Now at age 11, the older one took care of me and the house for 4-5 hours yesterday when I was incapacitated by a migraine.

Took care of the house for 4 hours? What does that even mean?

This gave me a chuckle as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

skatnixpanda wrote:When it comes to raising a mature and well-adjusted kid, it's all about fostering a supportive environment that encourages responsibility, accountability, and personal growth. Focus on teaching them essential life skills, setting clear boundaries, promoting positive values, and encouraging open communication.

I agree!

I would posit that boys need clear external boundaries more than girls do, in general. This is why so many people play the "father figure" card. The irony is that you'll see a lot of kids with a strong, skilled mother or grandmother go a lot further than boys with 2 parent "anything goes" households. There is a reason that these strong matriarchs are so often teachers-- it's not because they know how to teach a specific subject matter but because they know how to be a warm demander with clear boundaries and expectations.

But with the rise of gentle parenting and excuse making and the steady dismantling of schools being able to have and hold strong boundaries that parents support, boys are not having boundaries set the way they crave.

What happens, in a nutshell, is that boys are not being allowed a) to explicitly know the rules, b) to break the rules and have natural consequences when it is age appropriate, and c) are so afraid of failure because they've never fallen and had to learn to get back up again that they are paralyzed.

The bolded is the opposite of what data shows. It would be a popular PC point if true.

The part about boundaries being important and gentle parenting being the root of many problems is spot on though

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Low expectations = low results

This is a question that has been considered by many people and the best answer was from a long time experienced male teacher. He said that people expect boys to be unsuccessful, immature and at the bottom of the class. So they are.

+1000. When boys were expected to be engineers and doctors, they were. When they’re expected to go to college for liberal arts with no career path in mind and then come running back home at 22, they do that too.

When were boys expected to be doctors or engineers? How many boys are qualified to go to medical school? Not many. And what do those boys do when they just aren’t qualified for those few jobs that a certain type of parent pushes on their son?

There are plenty of boys who belong in liberal arts or the arts. There are also plenty of boys who are successful in working with their hands who train as apprentices or go to a technical school.

If more parents accepted their sons for who they are and what their limitations are then more boys will be successful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Self-fulfilling prophecy. When they see, hear, and believe something about themselves, that's what happens. We see the same thing with girls' self-image and media.

This, absolutely. And when they have a teacher who is cowering in a corner acting all anxious because "boys are so immature now" it does not provide a lot of confidence.

[Anonymous]

https://www.amazon.com/Boys-Men-modern-struggling-matters/dp/1800751036

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, who are the failure to launch boys you are seeing? Your nephews? Friends' sons? Offhand, I don't know any. Most young men I know seem to be doing decently well.

+1 OP check your surroundings and your circle. All the boys and girls I know are doing well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Low expectations = low results

This is a question that has been considered by many people and the best answer was from a long time experienced male teacher. He said that people expect boys to be unsuccessful, immature and at the bottom of the class. So they are.

+1000. When boys were expected to be engineers and doctors, they were. When they’re expected to go to college for liberal arts with no career path in mind and then come running back home at 22, they do that too.

When were boys expected to be doctors or engineers? How many boys are qualified to go to medical school? Not many. And what do those boys do when they just aren’t qualified for those few jobs that a certain type of parent pushes on their son?

There are plenty of boys who belong in liberal arts or the arts. There are also plenty of boys who are successful in working with their hands who train as apprentices or go to a technical school.

If more parents accepted their sons for who they are and what their limitations are then more boys will be successful.

For most of post-industrial history, boys of upper class but not extravagantly wealthy families were expected to go into one of the professions. Medicine or law, f clergy, banking, military, aspects of government later engineering and computer sciences became prestigious (corresponding with WWII and space race). The expectations were that they would learn in significantly more restrictive environments than they do now and for longer hours and behave.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Low expectations = low results

This is a question that has been considered by many people and the best answer was from a long time experienced male teacher. He said that people expect boys to be unsuccessful, immature and at the bottom of the class. So they are.

+1000. When boys were expected to be engineers and doctors, they were. When they’re expected to go to college for liberal arts with no career path in mind and then come running back home at 22, they do that too.

When were boys expected to be doctors or engineers? How many boys are qualified to go to medical school? Not many. And what do those boys do when they just aren’t qualified for those few jobs that a certain type of parent pushes on their son?

There are plenty of boys who belong in liberal arts or the arts. There are also plenty of boys who are successful in working with their hands who train as apprentices or go to a technical school.

If more parents accepted their sons for who they are and what their limitations are then more boys will be successful.

For most of post-industrial history, boys of upper class but not extravagantly wealthy families were expected to go into one of the professions. Medicine or law, f clergy, banking, military, aspects of government later engineering and computer sciences became prestigious (corresponding with WWII and space race). The expectations were that they would learn in significantly more restrictive environments than they do now and for longer hours and behave.

That was a loooong time ago. Now wealthy or struggling single mother, a child should be raised to first be a decent person and second, pursue a career that match his skills and hopefully something they love.

There are boys who grow up in “upper class” families that are not carbon copies of their fathers and should not have been expected to anything beyond their ability. Parents who care more about their status than what’s in their child’s best interest can create problems.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Low expectations = low results

This is a question that has been considered by many people and the best answer was from a long time experienced male teacher. He said that people expect boys to be unsuccessful, immature and at the bottom of the class. So they are.

+1000. When boys were expected to be engineers and doctors, they were. When they’re expected to go to college for liberal arts with no career path in mind and then come running back home at 22, they do that too.

Sad that they are blind, deaf, and dumb to the world and have no minds of their own. How about you also expect them to look around and make some move towards their own future? Yes, we do have to do better by our children, but part of that is not coddling them to the point that we assume all responsibility for the very basic decisions that they indeed failed to make for themselves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Low expectations = low results

This is a question that has been considered by many people and the best answer was from a long time experienced male teacher. He said that people expect boys to be unsuccessful, immature and at the bottom of the class. So they are.

+1000. When boys were expected to be engineers and doctors, they were. When they’re expected to go to college for liberal arts with no career path in mind and then come running back home at 22, they do that too.

Sad that they are blind, deaf, and dumb to the world and have no minds of their own. How about you also expect them to look around and make some move towards their own future? Yes, we do have to do better by our children, but part of that is not coddling them to the point that we assume all responsibility for the very basic decisions that they indeed failed to make for themselves.

So you hate boys and men. Got it.

Next?