Finally said goodbye to embryos

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Without getting too personal, we were fortunate enough to have three beautiful children conceived via IVF (all from the OG egg retrieval). We’ve been paying shady grove to keep the remaining embryos frozen for close to a decade now, but they keep raising the prices every year and we know we are finished having children. I know I’m blessed that we have three kids and had embryos to spare, but it’s just so sad to say goodbye. And no, I just can’t bring myself to donate them to another family, although I have such great admiration for people who are that selfless. Just hoping maybe for some support from others who have done this that the sadness eases in time.

What if one of your children cannot conceive?? I'd save them or anonymously donate them through vetted channels.

So you would have your child give birth to and parent their sibling? What the actual F.

NP. This would be weird because it’s so unusual, not because it’s inherently a bad idea. As long as it wasn’t kept secret from the resulting child, it might solve a lot of the issues adoptees have with wanting to know about they biological roots. It’s a lot to ask of a spouse to parent their in-laws biological child though, lol.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand why you can destroy them, but cannot donate them, as either way, you don't have the children. Regardless, though, that's your choice and I'm sorry you're upset.

+1
I would feel better knowing I got them at least a chance with an other family struggling with infertility

Were you ever in this situation? Did you donate them?

If not, then you have no idea.

Are you pro-choice?

DP but I was an IVF baby. When I found that out it took me forever to get the nerve to ask if my parents destroyed embryos. I had one sibling but always wanted a larger family and it would’ve destroyed me knowing my siblings (which very well could have been me) were killed simply because they weren’t picked. (And gratefully my parents only had one embryo each time). So PP - were you ever in *that* situation? If not then you have no idea.

There is no way this actually happened. But thanks for coming out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand why you can destroy them, but cannot donate them, as either way, you don't have the children. Regardless, though, that's your choice and I'm sorry you're upset.

+1
I would feel better knowing I got them at least a chance with an other family struggling with infertility

Were you ever in this situation? Did you donate them?

If not, then you have no idea.

DP but I was an IVF baby. When I found that out it took me forever to get the nerve to ask if my parents destroyed embryos. I had one sibling but always wanted a larger family and it would’ve destroyed me knowing my siblings (which very well could have been me) were killed simply because they weren’t picked. (And gratefully my parents only had one embryo each time). So PP - were you ever in *that* situation? If not then you have no idea.

How is this different than a mother deciding to terminate a pregnancy? Her body her choice. The children and siblings don't get a say.

DP. Of course siblings don't have a choice but they are still entitled to feeling sad. I would be devasted if I learned my mom had an abortion. I learned early on of a couple of abortions in my extended family and I felt sad as a kid and it still makes me sad today. I have a tiny family and would have treasured another cousin or an uncle. People dumb it down by saying her body her choice but those choices have huge ramifications not just for her but for her entire family, even beyond that generation. Life is not as black and white as you imagine.

[Anonymous]

I would also urge OP to reconsider donation to a family. It may feel weird but honestly and no offense to anyone here, IVF is weird. And it is not like birthing a child and giving him up for adoption. The new mother here is carrying the child from the start and that child is very much hers even genetically (in utero experience will determine a lot of gene expression). But go with whichever option gives you peace. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would also urge OP to reconsider donation to a family. It may feel weird but honestly and no offense to anyone here, IVF is weird. And it is not like birthing a child and giving him up for adoption. The new mother here is carrying the child from the start and that child is very much hers even genetically (in utero experience will determine a lot of gene expression). But go with whichever option gives you peace. Good luck.

I’d urge you to let OP make her own decisions and to stop making stupid suggestions. She does not owe anyone anything, let alone her embryos, her genetic material.

[Anonymous]

This place is so toxic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand why you can destroy them, but cannot donate them, as either way, you don't have the children. Regardless, though, that's your choice and I'm sorry you're upset.

+1
I would feel better knowing I got them at least a chance with an other family struggling with infertility

Were you ever in this situation? Did you donate them?

If not, then you have no idea.

DP but I was an IVF baby. When I found that out it took me forever to get the nerve to ask if my parents destroyed embryos. I had one sibling but always wanted a larger family and it would’ve destroyed me knowing my siblings (which very well could have been me) were killed simply because they weren’t picked. (And gratefully my parents only had one embryo each time). So PP - were you ever in *that* situation? If not then you have no idea.

How is this different than a mother deciding to terminate a pregnancy? Her body her choice. The children and siblings don't get a say.

DP. Of course siblings don't have a choice but they are still entitled to feeling sad. I would be devasted if I learned my mom had an abortion. I learned early on of a couple of abortions in my extended family and I felt sad as a kid and it still makes me sad today. I have a tiny family and would have treasured another cousin or an uncle. People dumb it down by saying her body her choice but those choices have huge ramifications not just for her but for her entire family, even beyond that generation. Life is not as black and white as you imagine.

This is an extremely self-centered opinion. People made the choices that were best for them at the time. These choices may have even made it possible for you to have the small family you have today. They owed nothing to you. Let it go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would also urge OP to reconsider donation to a family. It may feel weird but honestly and no offense to anyone here, IVF is weird. And it is not like birthing a child and giving him up for adoption. The new mother here is carrying the child from the start and that child is very much hers even genetically (in utero experience will determine a lot of gene expression). But go with whichever option gives you peace. Good luck.

Did you donate your embryos? If not, this is like saying you urge someone to adopt, when you haven’t yourself. You have no idea what goes into someone’s decision making.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand why you can destroy them, but cannot donate them, as either way, you don't have the children. Regardless, though, that's your choice and I'm sorry you're upset.

+1
I would feel better knowing I got them at least a chance with an other family struggling with infertility

Were you ever in this situation? Did you donate them?

If not, then you have no idea.

DP but I was an IVF baby. When I found that out it took me forever to get the nerve to ask if my parents destroyed embryos. I had one sibling but always wanted a larger family and it would’ve destroyed me knowing my siblings (which very well could have been me) were killed simply because they weren’t picked. (And gratefully my parents only had one embryo each time). So PP - were you ever in *that* situation? If not then you have no idea.

How is this different than a mother deciding to terminate a pregnancy? Her body her choice. The children and siblings don't get a say.

DP. Of course siblings don't have a choice but they are still entitled to feeling sad. I would be devasted if I learned my mom had an abortion. I learned early on of a couple of abortions in my extended family and I felt sad as a kid and it still makes me sad today. I have a tiny family and would have treasured another cousin or an uncle. People dumb it down by saying her body her choice but those choices have huge ramifications not just for her but for her entire family, even beyond that generation. Life is not as black and white as you imagine.

Nice story. No one is telling a kid about abortion in their extended family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand why you can destroy them, but cannot donate them, as either way, you don't have the children. Regardless, though, that's your choice and I'm sorry you're upset.

+1
I would feel better knowing I got them at least a chance with an other family struggling with infertility

Were you ever in this situation? Did you donate them?

If not, then you have no idea.

DP but I was an IVF baby. When I found that out it took me forever to get the nerve to ask if my parents destroyed embryos. I had one sibling but always wanted a larger family and it would’ve destroyed me knowing my siblings (which very well could have been me) were killed simply because they weren’t picked. (And gratefully my parents only had one embryo each time). So PP - were you ever in *that* situation? If not then you have no idea.

How is this different than a mother deciding to terminate a pregnancy? Her body her choice. The children and siblings don't get a say.

DP. Of course siblings don't have a choice but they are still entitled to feeling sad. I would be devasted if I learned my mom had an abortion. I learned early on of a couple of abortions in my extended family and I felt sad as a kid and it still makes me sad today. I have a tiny family and would have treasured another cousin or an uncle. People dumb it down by saying her body her choice but those choices have huge ramifications not just for her but for her entire family, even beyond that generation. Life is not as black and white as you imagine.

Nice story. No one is telling a kid about abortion in their extended family.

Actually, in some families it is very much talked about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Without getting too personal, we were fortunate enough to have three beautiful children conceived via IVF (all from the OG egg retrieval). We’ve been paying shady grove to keep the remaining embryos frozen for close to a decade now, but they keep raising the prices every year and we know we are finished having children. I know I’m blessed that we have three kids and had embryos to spare, but it’s just so sad to say goodbye. And no, I just can’t bring myself to donate them to another family, although I have such great admiration for people who are that selfless. Just hoping maybe for some support from others who have done this that the sadness eases in time.

I haven't but a sibling has. You did the right thing. Move on. No guilt warranted.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand why you can destroy them, but cannot donate them, as either way, you don't have the children. Regardless, though, that's your choice and I'm sorry you're upset.

+1
I would feel better knowing I got them at least a chance with an other family struggling with infertility

Were you ever in this situation? Did you donate them?

If not, then you have no idea.

DP but I was an IVF baby. When I found that out it took me forever to get the nerve to ask if my parents destroyed embryos. I had one sibling but always wanted a larger family and it would’ve destroyed me knowing my siblings (which very well could have been me) were killed simply because they weren’t picked. (And gratefully my parents only had one embryo each time). So PP - were you ever in *that* situation? If not then you have no idea.

How is this different than a mother deciding to terminate a pregnancy? Her body her choice. The children and siblings don't get a say.

DP. Of course siblings don't have a choice but they are still entitled to feeling sad. I would be devasted if I learned my mom had an abortion. I learned early on of a couple of abortions in my extended family and I felt sad as a kid and it still makes me sad today. I have a tiny family and would have treasured another cousin or an uncle. People dumb it down by saying her body her choice but those choices have huge ramifications not just for her but for her entire family, even beyond that generation. Life is not as black and white as you imagine.

Nice story. No one is telling a kid about abortion in their extended family.

Actually, in some families it is very much talked about.

Tell us about your experience.