Finally said goodbye to embryos

[Anonymous]

Without getting too personal, we were fortunate enough to have three beautiful children conceived via IVF (all from the OG egg retrieval). We’ve been paying shady grove to keep the remaining embryos frozen for close to a decade now, but they keep raising the prices every year and we know we are finished having children. I know I’m blessed that we have three kids and had embryos to spare, but it’s just so sad to say goodbye. And no, I just can’t bring myself to donate them to another family, although I have such great admiration for people who are that selfless. Just hoping maybe for some support from others who have done this that the sadness eases in time.

[Anonymous]

I know I am supposed to be all supportive, but I do not understand these feelings of sadness. Are you donating them to stem cell research at least?
Why would you keep them and keep paying for it for a decade? Are you looking for a spare just in case? How many spares do you need, even if you were a Queen?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know I am supposed to be all supportive, but I do not understand these feelings of sadness. Are you donating them to stem cell research at least?

Why would you keep them and keep paying for it for a decade? Are you looking for a spare just in case? How many spares do you need, even if you were a Queen?

OP here. We just had our third a few years ago so we haven’t been paying for a decade without using them. But now we know for sure we are done. I guess it’s just the idea that these are still potential babies, even though I understand that of course they aren’t. It’s just sad to think of what they’ll never be.
And sadly, shady grove has done away with their donation option unless you find the donation center and arrange transport of the embryos themselves. Which makes me upset because we were originally told that would be an option and not sure why they aren’t doing it anymore.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know I am supposed to be all supportive, but I do not understand these feelings of sadness. Are you donating them to stem cell research at least?
Why would you keep them and keep paying for it for a decade? Are you looking for a spare just in case? How many spares do you need, even if you were a Queen?

Sometimes it’s ok to not post.

[Anonymous]

OP I have 2 left and only one child which feels really strange and due to health issues and a variety of other factors we have decided we are one and done. But I can’t seem to let go of the embryos and I feel so weird about it.
So I understand. Glad you have some peace.

[Anonymous]

I don't understand why you can destroy them, but cannot donate them, as either way, you don't have the children. Regardless, though, that's your choice and I'm sorry you're upset.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know I am supposed to be all supportive, but I do not understand these feelings of sadness. Are you donating them to stem cell research at least?

Why would you keep them and keep paying for it for a decade? Are you looking for a spare just in case? How many spares do you need, even if you were a Queen?

OP here. We just had our third a few years ago so we haven’t been paying for a decade without using them. But now we know for sure we are done. I guess it’s just the idea that these are still potential babies, even though I understand that of course they aren’t. It’s just sad to think of what they’ll never be.
And sadly, shady grove has done away with their donation option unless you find the donation center and arrange transport of the embryos themselves. Which makes me upset because we were originally told that would be an option and not sure why they aren’t doing it anymore.

This is why I don't want to do IVF. Nobody seems to understand the dilemma.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand why you can destroy them, but cannot donate them, as either way, you don't have the children. Regardless, though, that's your choice and I'm sorry you're upset.

You wouldn’t want to know about that child?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand why you can destroy them, but cannot donate them, as either way, you don't have the children. Regardless, though, that's your choice and I'm sorry you're upset.

+1
I would feel better knowing I got them at least a chance with an other family struggling with infertility

[Anonymous]

I get it OP. We have one and keep paying though I know we are done. It's hard to finally close that door. Babies are amazing even if I know we can't handle another at this pt (and it may not work out anyway).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand why you can destroy them, but cannot donate them, as either way, you don't have the children. Regardless, though, that's your choice and I'm sorry you're upset.

+1
I would feel better knowing I got them at least a chance with an other family struggling with infertility

Were you ever in this situation? Did you donate them?

If not, then you have no idea.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know I am supposed to be all supportive, but I do not understand these feelings of sadness. Are you donating them to stem cell research at least?
Why would you keep them and keep paying for it for a decade? Are you looking for a spare just in case? How many spares do you need, even if you were a Queen?

Sometimes it’s ok to not post.

You think OP’s thread was going to go over well in a group for people who are still battling infertility?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know I am supposed to be all supportive, but I do not understand these feelings of sadness. Are you donating them to stem cell research at least?
Why would you keep them and keep paying for it for a decade? Are you looking for a spare just in case? How many spares do you need, even if you were a Queen?

Sometimes it’s ok to not post.

You think OP’s thread was going to go over well in a group for people who are still battling infertility?

Right, so those people have no idea what it's like.

[Anonymous]

We donated to research. I do worry that the donation was meaningless and am not sure I trust they were (or will be) used for good.

But, OP, I don't have lingering sadness. I got to an age where having a baby no longer made sense and our lives are full and happy with two great kids.

Sperm and eggs not joined are also potential life, if you think about it enough. You don't have to and can choose to let it go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand why you can destroy them, but cannot donate them, as either way, you don't have the children. Regardless, though, that's your choice and I'm sorry you're upset.

+1
I would feel better knowing I got them at least a chance with an other family struggling with infertility

Were you ever in this situation? Did you donate them?

If not, then you have no idea.

DP but I was an IVF baby. When I found that out it took me forever to get the nerve to ask if my parents destroyed embryos. I had one sibling but always wanted a larger family and it would’ve destroyed me knowing my siblings (which very well could have been me) were killed simply because they weren’t picked. (And gratefully my parents only had one embryo each time). So PP - were you ever in *that* situation? If not then you have no idea.