WSJ: moms “gatekeep” kids and partially to blame for estranged dads

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry but believing that Bs is the lie you collude in and tell yourself bc the truth — that your dad was a pos who abandoned you for selfish reasons — is too painful.

Your mom takes the fall when she did all the hard work. She worked, she mothered you, she maintained your schedule and your home and your friendships, she cooked your dinners. And you believe your dad?

It’s so common for adult kids to do this, sadly; they know all the flaws of the stresses out parent who raised them and had limited time to spend w them bc she was supporting them both, and idealize the dad who was free of daily responsibilities so making money hand over fist and sending little or none.

+1, and it happens in families without divorce, too. Lots of checked out dads later get to be the favored parent to their adult kids because the relationship with mom comes with the baggage of actually having to parent children.

Dads are viewed as failures less often because so little is expected of them. Moms can never get it right because what is expected is literally impossible. And then if dad fails, whose to blame anyway? Yup, mom. What a cool system!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“ When fathers repartner later in life, they are more likely to prioritize the romantic relationship and new children, while ties to their preexisting children often become weaker.”

But sure blame the moms..

The dads prioritize the new wife and kids BECAUSE first wife is denying him a relationship with his first set of kids. He has no other option.

I was one of those “first set of kids” and I couldn’t have a relationship with my dad until I was an adult. He explained to me that my mom had denied him access to us. And I believed him.

Oh man are you gullible. This is the lie men tell the kids they neglected bc they couldn’t deal with their own flaws and their own anger at paying what is usually minimal child support while the first wife does all the work and bites her tongue not to badmouth the ahole.

Your misandry is disgusting. You deserve a hard slap.

Says the winner who started with “moms are gatekeepers who keep dads away.”

I’m sure your wife left for good reasons. Hopefully she also pressed charges.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“ When fathers repartner later in life, they are more likely to prioritize the romantic relationship and new children, while ties to their preexisting children often become weaker.”

But sure blame the moms..

The dads prioritize the new wife and kids BECAUSE first wife is denying him a relationship with his first set of kids. He has no other option.

I was one of those “first set of kids” and I couldn’t have a relationship with my dad until I was an adult. He explained to me that my mom had denied him access to us. And I believed him.

Oh man are you gullible. This is the lie men tell the kids they neglected bc they couldn’t deal with their own flaws and their own anger at paying what is usually minimal child support while the first wife does all the work and bites her tongue not to badmouth the ahole.

Your misandry is disgusting. You deserve a hard slap.

Says the winner who started with “moms are gatekeepers who keep dads away.”

I’m sure your wife left for good reasons. Hopefully she also pressed charges.

No, you rancid twat. That was my first post. You are revolting. You should be stripped of custody of your kids for being an incompetent mother.

Lol nothing to see here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“ When fathers repartner later in life, they are more likely to prioritize the romantic relationship and new children, while ties to their preexisting children often become weaker.”

But sure blame the moms..

The dads prioritize the new wife and kids BECAUSE first wife is denying him a relationship with his first set of kids. He has no other option.

I was one of those “first set of kids” and I couldn’t have a relationship with my dad until I was an adult. He explained to me that my mom had denied him access to us. And I believed him.

Oh man are you gullible. This is the lie men tell the kids they neglected bc they couldn’t deal with their own flaws and their own anger at paying what is usually minimal child support while the first wife does all the work and bites her tongue not to badmouth the ahole.

Your misandry is disgusting. You deserve a hard slap.

Accountability: try some

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“ When fathers repartner later in life, they are more likely to prioritize the romantic relationship and new children, while ties to their preexisting children often become weaker.”

But sure blame the moms..

The dads prioritize the new wife and kids BECAUSE first wife is denying him a relationship with his first set of kids. He has no other option.

I was one of those “first set of kids” and I couldn’t have a relationship with my dad until I was an adult. He explained to me that my mom had denied him access to us. And I believed him.

Oh man are you gullible. This is the lie men tell the kids they neglected bc they couldn’t deal with their own flaws and their own anger at paying what is usually minimal child support while the first wife does all the work and bites her tongue not to badmouth the ahole.

Your misandry is disgusting. You deserve a hard slap.

Oh, look. You’re an abuser. How very surprising.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“ When fathers repartner later in life, they are more likely to prioritize the romantic relationship and new children, while ties to their preexisting children often become weaker.”

But sure blame the moms..

The dads prioritize the new wife and kids BECAUSE first wife is denying him a relationship with his first set of kids. He has no other option.

I was one of those “first set of kids” and I couldn’t have a relationship with my dad until I was an adult. He explained to me that my mom had denied him access to us. And I believed him.

Oh man are you gullible. This is the lie men tell the kids they neglected bc they couldn’t deal with their own flaws and their own anger at paying what is usually minimal child support while the first wife does all the work and bites her tongue not to badmouth the ahole.

Stop changing the situation you know nothing about. You are exactly why these kids don’t have relationships with their dads. Courts order child support so if a dad pays what is court ordered that is not the minimum.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“ When fathers repartner later in life, they are more likely to prioritize the romantic relationship and new children, while ties to their preexisting children often become weaker.”

But sure blame the moms..

The dads prioritize the new wife and kids BECAUSE first wife is denying him a relationship with his first set of kids. He has no other option.

I was one of those “first set of kids” and I couldn’t have a relationship with my dad until I was an adult. He explained to me that my mom had denied him access to us. And I believed him.

Oh man are you gullible. This is the lie men tell the kids they neglected bc they couldn’t deal with their own flaws and their own anger at paying what is usually minimal child support while the first wife does all the work and bites her tongue not to badmouth the ahole.

Stop changing the situation you know nothing about. You are exactly why these kids don’t have relationships with their dads. Courts order child support so if a dad pays what is court ordered that is not the minimum.

Court ordered child support is by definition the minimum.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“ When fathers repartner later in life, they are more likely to prioritize the romantic relationship and new children, while ties to their preexisting children often become weaker.”

But sure blame the moms..

The dads prioritize the new wife and kids BECAUSE first wife is denying him a relationship with his first set of kids. He has no other option.

I was one of those “first set of kids” and I couldn’t have a relationship with my dad until I was an adult. He explained to me that my mom had denied him access to us. And I believed him.

Oh man are you gullible. This is the lie men tell the kids they neglected bc they couldn’t deal with their own flaws and their own anger at paying what is usually minimal child support while the first wife does all the work and bites her tongue not to badmouth the ahole.

“Mothers are sometimes gatekeepers, preventing or making it difficult for children to have contact if they are in conflict with the father after divorce or separation,” said Phil and Carolyn Cowan, professors emeriti of psychology at UC Berkeley.

Sometimes? Sure.
Usually? Nope.

Exactly. The article also listed a whole bunch of things Dads do that contribute to their own alienation.

The title of this thread is just one thing on the list.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“ When fathers repartner later in life, they are more likely to prioritize the romantic relationship and new children, while ties to their preexisting children often become weaker.”

But sure blame the moms..

The dads prioritize the new wife and kids BECAUSE first wife is denying him a relationship with his first set of kids. He has no other option.

I was one of those “first set of kids” and I couldn’t have a relationship with my dad until I was an adult. He explained to me that my mom had denied him access to us. And I believed him.

Oh man are you gullible. This is the lie men tell the kids they neglected bc they couldn’t deal with their own flaws and their own anger at paying what is usually minimal child support while the first wife does all the work and bites her tongue not to badmouth the ahole.

Your misandry is disgusting. You deserve a hard slap.

Says the winner who started with “moms are gatekeepers who keep dads away.”

I’m sure your wife left for good reasons. Hopefully she also pressed charges.

Someone who describes a person as “deserving a hard slap” for disagreeing with him doesn’t really leave much confusion about why the wife left.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“ When fathers repartner later in life, they are more likely to prioritize the romantic relationship and new children, while ties to their preexisting children often become weaker.”

But sure blame the moms..

The dads prioritize the new wife and kids BECAUSE first wife is denying him a relationship with his first set of kids. He has no other option.

I was one of those “first set of kids” and I couldn’t have a relationship with my dad until I was an adult. He explained to me that my mom had denied him access to us. And I believed him.

Oh man are you gullible. This is the lie men tell the kids they neglected bc they couldn’t deal with their own flaws and their own anger at paying what is usually minimal child support while the first wife does all the work and bites her tongue not to badmouth the ahole.

“Mothers are sometimes gatekeepers, preventing or making it difficult for children to have contact if they are in conflict with the father after divorce or separation,” said Phil and Carolyn Cowan, professors emeriti of psychology at UC Berkeley.

Sometimes? Sure.
Usually? Nope.

Exactly. The article also listed a whole bunch of things Dads do that contribute to their own alienation.

The title of this thread is just one thing on the list.

This. The article itself doesn't even really show that moms gatekeeper except in extreme examples. Rather, it shows that men don't work on relationships with their kids and this has a negative impact on their relationships (duh). Moms may or may not facilitate that relationship, but the very fact that moms HAVE to facilitate that relationship in order for it to happen is sort of the problem.

This is also why dads are more likely to have better relationships with kids in second marriages -- the mom is there! Moms do so much work (here's that invisible labor we talk about all the time) to help their husbands form and maintain strong bonds with their kids. And when divorce happens, a lot of moms drop that rope.

What needs to happen is for men to take responsibility for their own relationships with their kids. In marriage, in divorce. Boys need to be raised to understand that they are responsible for their end in relationships. This is not something that women should have to do for you.

[Anonymous]

It's reasonable to assume that the dad with a second family will "prioritize" the kids who are in front of him every day. They are younger, live in the same home as him, and will get more of his time and attention. He will also likely be more settled in his work and therefore have more time for family stuff, as opposed to when he was climbing the corporate ladder with Family #1.

That's life. The kids from Family #2 will get a better deal. Hopefully, the dad will make a point to make his kids from Family #1 feel included.

It's a bit dramatic to state that the mother from Family #1 is somehow restricting access to the kids. Unless she is bitter and using them as pawns, that's highly unlikely.

[Anonymous]

They don’t have authentic or close relationships with their own parents either; just very perfunctory and riddled with little to bo communication. What communication does happen is regurgitated from another adult in the know, then when things go south they are quick to blame others.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“ When fathers repartner later in life, they are more likely to prioritize the romantic relationship and new children, while ties to their preexisting children often become weaker.”

But sure blame the moms..

The dads prioritize the new wife and kids BECAUSE first wife is denying him a relationship with his first set of kids. He has no other option.

I was one of those “first set of kids” and I couldn’t have a relationship with my dad until I was an adult. He explained to me that my mom had denied him access to us. And I believed him.

Oh man are you gullible. This is the lie men tell the kids they neglected bc they couldn’t deal with their own flaws and their own anger at paying what is usually minimal child support while the first wife does all the work and bites her tongue not to badmouth the ahole.

Your misandry is disgusting. You deserve a hard slap.

Says the winner who started with “moms are gatekeepers who keep dads away.”

I’m sure your wife left for good reasons. Hopefully she also pressed charges.

No, you rancid twat. That was my first post. You are revolting. You should be stripped of custody of your kids for being an incompetent mother.

Lol nothing to see here.

Agree. What a freak show response that was.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“ When fathers repartner later in life, they are more likely to prioritize the romantic relationship and new children, while ties to their preexisting children often become weaker.”

But sure blame the moms..

The dads prioritize the new wife and kids BECAUSE first wife is denying him a relationship with his first set of kids. He has no other option.

I was one of those “first set of kids” and I couldn’t have a relationship with my dad until I was an adult. He explained to me that my mom had denied him access to us. And I believed him.

Oh man are you gullible. This is the lie men tell the kids they neglected bc they couldn’t deal with their own flaws and their own anger at paying what is usually minimal child support while the first wife does all the work and bites her tongue not to badmouth the ahole.

“Mothers are sometimes gatekeepers, preventing or making it difficult for children to have contact if they are in conflict with the father after divorce or separation,” said Phil and Carolyn Cowan, professors emeriti of psychology at UC Berkeley.

Sometimes? Sure.
Usually? Nope.

Exactly. The article also listed a whole bunch of things Dads do that contribute to their own alienation.

The title of this thread is just one thing on the list.

This. The article itself doesn't even really show that moms gatekeeper except in extreme examples. Rather, it shows that men don't work on relationships with their kids and this has a negative impact on their relationships (duh). Moms may or may not facilitate that relationship, but the very fact that moms HAVE to facilitate that relationship in order for it to happen is sort of the problem.

This is also why dads are more likely to have better relationships with kids in second marriages -- the mom is there! Moms do so much work (here's that invisible labor we talk about all the time) to help their husbands form and maintain strong bonds with their kids. And when divorce happens, a lot of moms drop that rope.

What needs to happen is for men to take responsibility for their own relationships with their kids. In marriage, in divorce. Boys need to be raised to understand that they are responsible for their end in relationships. This is not something that women should have to do for you.

No, dads have better relationships with second marriage kids as those kids are living with him 24-7 and he’s actively parenting them vs seeing them at best a few days a month when mom allows it.

[Anonymous]

Men take care of the kids of the woman he is sleeping with.

Often, “gatekeeping” means a woman refuses to grant her ex sexual access to her body. Which leads to him not seeing his kids, and then claiming she is keeping them away from him.