WSJ: moms “gatekeep” kids and partially to blame for estranged dads

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“ When fathers repartner later in life, they are more likely to prioritize the romantic relationship and new children, while ties to their preexisting children often become weaker.”

But sure blame the moms..

The dads prioritize the new wife and kids BECAUSE first wife is denying him a relationship with his first set of kids. He has no other option.

I was one of those “first set of kids” and I couldn’t have a relationship with my dad until I was an adult. He explained to me that my mom had denied him access to us. And I believed him.

You bought your dad’s version of events.

[Anonymous]

Oh yeah my DH, who moved 1000 miles away and living it up with his girlfriend leaving me to do all the parenting, will definitely show up with a sob story when they kids are over 18 and will take all the money he has earned by having no parenting responsibilities to manipulate, bribe and influence the young adult kids, selling his histrionics as “making up for lost time.” So typical.

[Anonymous]

My dad was charged with a felony for refusing to pay child support. He ran off with a neighbor lady and, a couple of years into their marriage, they moved 1,500 miles away. I recall one of his subsequent wives talking about how my mom deprived him of access to us kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“ When fathers repartner later in life, they are more likely to prioritize the romantic relationship and new children, while ties to their preexisting children often become weaker.”

But sure blame the moms..

The dads prioritize the new wife and kids BECAUSE first wife is denying him a relationship with his first set of kids. He has no other option.

I was one of those “first set of kids” and I couldn’t have a relationship with my dad until I was an adult. He explained to me that my mom had denied him access to us. And I believed him.

Oh man are you gullible. This is the lie men tell the kids they neglected bc they couldn’t deal with their own flaws and their own anger at paying what is usually minimal child support while the first wife does all the work and bites her tongue not to badmouth the ahole.

“Mothers are sometimes gatekeepers, preventing or making it difficult for children to have contact if they are in conflict with the father after divorce or separation,” said Phil and Carolyn Cowan, professors emeriti of psychology at UC Berkeley.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“ When fathers repartner later in life, they are more likely to prioritize the romantic relationship and new children, while ties to their preexisting children often become weaker.”

But sure blame the moms..

The dads prioritize the new wife and kids BECAUSE first wife is denying him a relationship with his first set of kids. He has no other option.

I was one of those “first set of kids” and I couldn’t have a relationship with my dad until I was an adult. He explained to me that my mom had denied him access to us. And I believed him.

Oh man are you gullible. This is the lie men tell the kids they neglected bc they couldn’t deal with their own flaws and their own anger at paying what is usually minimal child support while the first wife does all the work and bites her tongue not to badmouth the ahole.

“Mothers are sometimes gatekeepers, preventing or making it difficult for children to have contact if they are in conflict with the father after divorce or separation,” said Phil and Carolyn Cowan, professors emeriti of psychology at UC Berkeley.

Sometimes? Sure.
Usually? Nope.

[Anonymous]

I sent this to my DH when it came out a few months ago, and it was a huge wake up call to him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sorry but believing that Bs is the lie you collude in and tell yourself bc the truth — that your dad was a pos who abandoned you for selfish reasons — is too painful.

Your mom takes the fall when she did all the hard work. She worked, she mothered you, she maintained your schedule and your home and your friendships, she cooked your dinners. And you believe your dad?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“ When fathers repartner later in life, they are more likely to prioritize the romantic relationship and new children, while ties to their preexisting children often become weaker.”

But sure blame the moms..

The dads prioritize the new wife and kids BECAUSE first wife is denying him a relationship with his first set of kids. He has no other option.

I was one of those “first set of kids” and I couldn’t have a relationship with my dad until I was an adult. He explained to me that my mom had denied him access to us. And I believed him.

Wow, you’re gullible.

[Anonymous]

I don’t think anyone can gatekeep when custody is split evenly. Dads have routinely been loudly and building emotional connections, even with their wives! Do the emotions work and you will have close relationships forever.

Also, dads today are MUCH better than prior generations so congratulations to all the fathers who have been building those connections and leaning in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:WSJ really knows how to uplift spirits on Fathers Day

https://www.wsj.com/articles/for-estranged-dads-fathers-day-is-a-painful-reminder-9fe72b8f?st=ozj2bnv961qjw67&mod=e2fb&fbclid=IwAR1iV4O7QW1EVuYT_vPjskgsA5fHGSfQri3e7SfCFo8CjxLlr210XR4K-Yo_aem_th_Adov7G4uMW1sqEDmWEV403SGwONHTZsniyuz8I6kdFNzNHLenjE-QMTO2NwctDQ03Lk&mibextid=Zxz2cZ

Lots of truth in that article.

The section about generationally different understandings of what constitutes “abuse” seemed particularly observant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“ When fathers repartner later in life, they are more likely to prioritize the romantic relationship and new children, while ties to their preexisting children often become weaker.”

But sure blame the moms..

The dads prioritize the new wife and kids BECAUSE first wife is denying him a relationship with his first set of kids. He has no other option.

I was one of those “first set of kids” and I couldn’t have a relationship with my dad until I was an adult. He explained to me that my mom had denied him access to us. And I believed him.

Oh man are you gullible. This is the lie men tell the kids they neglected bc they couldn’t deal with their own flaws and their own anger at paying what is usually minimal child support while the first wife does all the work and bites her tongue not to badmouth the ahole.

“Mothers are sometimes gatekeepers, preventing or making it difficult for children to have contact if they are in conflict with the father after divorce or separation,” said Phil and Carolyn Cowan, professors emeriti of psychology at UC Berkeley.

Such garbage. Any man who wants to see his kids can, by law.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry but believing that Bs is the lie you collude in and tell yourself bc the truth — that your dad was a pos who abandoned you for selfish reasons — is too painful.

Your mom takes the fall when she did all the hard work. She worked, she mothered you, she maintained your schedule and your home and your friendships, she cooked your dinners. And you believe your dad?

It’s so common for adult kids to do this, sadly; they know all the flaws of the stresses out parent who raised them and had limited time to spend w them bc she was supporting them both, and idealize the dad who was free of daily responsibilities so making money hand over fist and sending little or none.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“ When fathers repartner later in life, they are more likely to prioritize the romantic relationship and new children, while ties to their preexisting children often become weaker.”

But sure blame the moms..

The dads prioritize the new wife and kids BECAUSE first wife is denying him a relationship with his first set of kids. He has no other option.

I was one of those “first set of kids” and I couldn’t have a relationship with my dad until I was an adult. He explained to me that my mom had denied him access to us. And I believed him.

Oh man are you gullible. This is the lie men tell the kids they neglected bc they couldn’t deal with their own flaws and their own anger at paying what is usually minimal child support while the first wife does all the work and bites her tongue not to badmouth the ahole.

Your misandry is disgusting. You deserve a hard slap.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:WSJ really knows how to uplift spirits on Fathers Day

https://www.wsj.com/articles/for-estranged-dads-fathers-day-is-a-painful-reminder-9fe72b8f?st=ozj2bnv961qjw67&mod=e2fb&fbclid=IwAR1iV4O7QW1EVuYT_vPjskgsA5fHGSfQri3e7SfCFo8CjxLlr210XR4K-Yo_aem_th_Adov7G4uMW1sqEDmWEV403SGwONHTZsniyuz8I6kdFNzNHLenjE-QMTO2NwctDQ03Lk&mibextid=Zxz2cZ

Lots of truth in that article.

The section about generationally different understandings of what constitutes “abuse” seemed particularly observant.

You can thank Tik tok and online therapy culture for that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh yeah my DH, who moved 1000 miles away and living it up with his girlfriend leaving me to do all the parenting, will definitely show up with a sob story when they kids are over 18 and will take all the money he has earned by having no parenting responsibilities to manipulate, bribe and influence the young adult kids, selling his histrionics as “making up for lost time.” So typical.

Exactly! They get to enjoy a carefree midlife crisis while the mom does 100% of the hard and emotional work of parenting through the various stages.