Middle school girl friendships

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lots of friendship changes in 6th grade! That was normal for both of my daughters. And I will also confirm that a lot of kids are just plain MEAN.

Their parents aren’t so great, either

+1. Middle school has largely been about learning which families share your values.

This might be true but not really in my experience. Some of the meanest girls I know have some of the nicest, most inclusive moms.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lots of friendship changes in 6th grade! That was normal for both of my daughters. And I will also confirm that a lot of kids are just plain MEAN.

Their parents aren’t so great, either

+1. Middle school has largely been about learning which families share your values.

Not sure about this. My middle school daughter is facing exclusionary behavior by some of her elementary school friends. I'm pretty sure the other kids are just trying to be cool because they are immature and it's easier to follow the crowd. I wouldn't say that reflects on their family values. I'm pretty sure their parents wouldn't be happy to learn about the"mean girl" stuff, but I also don't think they could force their kids to change.

In general most middle schoolers are not perfect and don't always act the way their parents taught them or how their parents want them to.

I feel this so much. This was, and to a lesser extent still is, our experience. LIFELONG friends, not only with the kid but the family. Very close knit. Kid went to MS and was a total DICK - wanted to be with the in kids so badly and did so. Alienated all the old friends. COVID hit and the kid had no one. The old crowd VERY GRACIOUSLY accepted kid back in to their group. Then back to HS and the kid ditches them again. This was not a matter of having different friends. It is a matter of completely discarding old friends for new, cooler people.

It's so, so hurtful. But, luckily, my kid is finally moving beyond it, realizing this kid for what the kid is. I have such a hard time being around this kid and his family now, which we do but it's difficult.

[Anonymous]

Yes, it will settle down in Eighth then by 10th most have found their crowd. MS is hard because they all so desperately want to fit in with the crowd. Keep her busy with sports, family, church, and volunteering. Plan stuff on the weekends but let her opt out if she has her own social activities. Also, tell her it’s ok to occasionally just dismiss some of this as “drama, drama, drama.” You can care about what your friends think and also keep some perspective.

[Anonymous]

Yes, it’s truly the worst. I have two daughters- one in 8th and one entering 6th. Buckle up. The girls can be so toxic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lots of friendship changes in 6th grade! That was normal for both of my daughters. And I will also confirm that a lot of kids are just plain MEAN.

Their parents aren’t so great, either

+1. Middle school has largely been about learning which families share your values.

This might be true but not really in my experience. Some of the meanest girls I know have some of the nicest, most inclusive moms.

This. Girls who I thought were really mean, like to my daughter in front of me or other adults, actually have really nice and down to earth parents that I genuinally like

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lots of friendship changes in 6th grade! That was normal for both of my daughters. And I will also confirm that a lot of kids are just plain MEAN.

Their parents aren’t so great, either

+1. Middle school has largely been about learning which families share your values.

This might be true but not really in my experience. Some of the meanest girls I know have some of the nicest, most inclusive moms.

This. Girls who I thought were really mean, like to my daughter in front of me or other adults, actually have really nice and down to earth parents that I genuinally like

Same experience. The one girl my daughter had issues with in ES had a perfectly nice mom.

[Anonymous]

Sigh...my 5th grade DD came home today and said she did schoolwork at lunch because she had no one to sit with, her BFF having ditched her (and the others too scared of BFF to allow those friendships to continue). And I know MS offers up even more drama...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DD went to a small elementary school and by 6th grade they were all tired of each other so there was a lot of snappy behavior and fighting. Middle school was so much bigger so in the beginning of 7th grade she kind of clung to her elementary friends but was happy to make new friends. By 8th grade she had a whole new group who she had a lot more in common with and there has been no drama. She is so much happier. I hope you have the same experience.

+1

Wait until certain (girl) moms try to micro engineer who is in what the groups, and DD is stuck in the group with the most annoying moms (the moms who are so obviously living vicariously through their DD).

OP, as long as your DD has even one good friend, that is really what it is about. Your DD does not have to be stuck with THAT group. [Besides, they tend to have bad reputations outside of their group, anyway, and the moms are of course, oblivious!]

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lots of friendship changes in 6th grade! That was normal for both of my daughters. And I will also confirm that a lot of kids are just plain MEAN.

Their parents aren’t so great, either

+1. Middle school has largely been about learning which families share your values.

This might be true but not really in my experience. Some of the meanest girls I know have some of the nicest, most inclusive moms.

This. Girls who I thought were really mean, like to my daughter in front of me or other adults, actually have really nice and down to earth parents that I genuinally like

Same experience. The one girl my daughter had issues with in ES had a perfectly nice mom.

I think that this is usually true, but often there is a big sister that mistreated the mean girl, so the mean girl acts that way toward some of their classmates.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lots of friendship changes in 6th grade! That was normal for both of my daughters. And I will also confirm that a lot of kids are just plain MEAN.

Their parents aren’t so great, either

+1. Middle school has largely been about learning which families share your values.

This might be true but not really in my experience. Some of the meanest girls I know have some of the nicest, most inclusive moms.

Either these moms act differently in contexts you aren't privy too, or the dads and older siblings model mean behavior. Kids who know how to time and deliver their insults for maximum effect, who know exactly how to turn one friend against another for personal gain, they are receiving instruction in this skill. Some of them are just too skillful at meanness for it to be natural raw talent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lots of friendship changes in 6th grade! That was normal for both of my daughters. And I will also confirm that a lot of kids are just plain MEAN.

Their parents aren’t so great, either

+1. Middle school has largely been about learning which families share your values.

This might be true but not really in my experience. Some of the meanest girls I know have some of the nicest, most inclusive moms.

Either these moms act differently in contexts you aren't privy too, or the dads and older siblings model mean behavior. Kids who know how to time and deliver their insults for maximum effect, who know exactly how to turn one friend against another for personal gain, they are receiving instruction in this skill. Some of them are just too skillful at meanness for it to be natural raw talent.

I'm the poster you quoted - I'm reasonably sure we don't know each other so there's really no way you can know this. I stand by my statement - the parents are nice and inclusive (and definitely not fake). Kids are smart and can learn all kinds of lessons on how to manipulate behavior from shows/movies, books, social media, etc. Parents aren't the sole source of information.

[Anonymous]

My 6th grade daughter is in the midst of being bullied and mistreated by a couple of girls (but really led by one ringleader) who have decided they don’t want to be friends with her anymore. They have been sending her mean, mocking videos and nasty, vicious texts about how nobody likes her and she’s a social reject and loser. Thank goodness she only has 2 more days of school left.

I have known the parents of the ringleader since these girls were in kindergarten together. They’re nice people from what I can tell. I know that if I were to raise this issue with them that would just make it even worse for DD. But if it were my kid doing this I would want to know. The meanness is next-level.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lots of friendship changes in 6th grade! That was normal for both of my daughters. And I will also confirm that a lot of kids are just plain MEAN.

Their parents aren’t so great, either

+1. Middle school has largely been about learning which families share your values.

This might be true but not really in my experience. Some of the meanest girls I know have some of the nicest, most inclusive moms.

Either these moms act differently in contexts you aren't privy too, or the dads and older siblings model mean behavior. Kids who know how to time and deliver their insults for maximum effect, who know exactly how to turn one friend against another for personal gain, they are receiving instruction in this skill. Some of them are just too skillful at meanness for it to be natural raw talent.

I'm the poster you quoted - I'm reasonably sure we don't know each other so there's really no way you can know this. I stand by my statement - the parents are nice and inclusive (and definitely not fake). Kids are smart and can learn all kinds of lessons on how to manipulate behavior from shows/movies, books, social media, etc. Parents aren't the sole source of information.

Completely agree that many many girls are mean without mean behavior being modeled or taught at home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lots of friendship changes in 6th grade! That was normal for both of my daughters. And I will also confirm that a lot of kids are just plain MEAN.

Their parents aren’t so great, either

+1. Middle school has largely been about learning which families share your values.

This might be true but not really in my experience. Some of the meanest girls I know have some of the nicest, most inclusive moms.

No no no

Most of these mean girls are the nicest in front of adults too and the same with the adults. Appear super nice and inclusive.

But those “nice” moms will have their mean girls backs NO MATTER WHAT

I made the mistake of showing what I thought was a friend - texts of her daughter body shaming my daughter to ask her nicely to stop them as it was really hurting my daughter. Just absolutely horrific texts. This mom also knew (from me) that my daughter was on anti-depressants that caused a little weight gain. 7lbs in 6 months and it really affected her and she switched up. She was 152lbs and 5’6” and this teen whom my daughter thought she was friends with not only body shamed her, but said she wasn’t worthy of being in their friend group anymore.

The mom became super defensive and said my daughter must have done something to warrant the girls not wanting her in their group (even though the texts said it was her weight) and I just left it alone and my daughter stopped talking to the group. I just stopped interacting with the mom. The girls to this day still side eye and laugh at my daughter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lots of friendship changes in 6th grade! That was normal for both of my daughters. And I will also confirm that a lot of kids are just plain MEAN.

Their parents aren’t so great, either

+1. Middle school has largely been about learning which families share your values.

This might be true but not really in my experience. Some of the meanest girls I know have some of the nicest, most inclusive moms.

No no no

Most of these mean girls are the nicest in front of adults too and the same with the adults. Appear super nice and inclusive.

But those “nice” moms will have their mean girls backs NO MATTER WHAT

I made the mistake of showing what I thought was a friend - texts of her daughter body shaming my daughter to ask her nicely to stop them as it was really hurting my daughter. Just absolutely horrific texts. This mom also knew (from me) that my daughter was on anti-depressants that caused a little weight gain. 7lbs in 6 months and it really affected her and she switched up. She was 152lbs and 5’6” and this teen whom my daughter thought she was friends with not only body shamed her, but said she wasn’t worthy of being in their friend group anymore.

The mom became super defensive and said my daughter must have done something to warrant the girls not wanting her in their group (even though the texts said it was her weight) and I just left it alone and my daughter stopped talking to the group. I just stopped interacting with the mom. The girls to this day still side eye and laugh at my daughter.

If there is one thing to take away from this thread it is the bolded. UNIVERSALLY and unequivocally, these things are true.