Teen obsessed with ordering food/eating out

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If she wants takeout, she needs to get a job. Plenty of lifeguarding opportunities available for kids her age this summer.

But it isn’t just a matter of paying for it. It is extremely unhealthy to consume this amount of take out- especially the likes of Starbucks,
IHOP, etc. She is eating crap and a lot of it- as a parent, I would limit it. Doesn’t matter who pays

And this is the root of the power struggle problem. Who is in charge of what a 15 yr old puts in their body?

I’d drop the rope in this situation and not escalate this particular power struggle.

So you would let your child eat junk takeout 3+ times a day and just say F* it, not my body?

DP. This is obviously not ideal, but when the kid is 15 you lose a lot of control, and at 18 you'll have virtually none.

Also, I just wanted to add the one thing you do have control over is allowance. Stop buying things for her and let her learn to manage her money herself. Do not step in to rescue her if she wants something but spent all her money on Starbucks. She can start earning her own money to learn the value of it.

[Anonymous]

Initially, I was going to say parents but after reading the post, she is getting it from other kids. I teach middle school and you would be astounded by all the Grub Hub and food delivery for students our office gets. It puts teachers to shame who bring their lunch for the most part. Parents are giving them access to their accounts and letting them do what they want. My own teen can use her money and that is it. I cook at home every night and going out is a treat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Give her $20-$50 cash *gasp* at the beginning of the week, tell her it’s for food as you are no longer spending more than that. Never offer to pay for her food when out unless other family members are buying things too. If she asks for something ask if she has the money for it, if not say oh well you can find something at home then and keep on driving. Ignore any response she gives after that and redirect the conversation. Also, teach her to meal plan, grocery shop, and cook if she doesn’t already.

What? If my DC is spending $50/week on takeout food they have a massive spending problem. If they want money they can earn it.

[Anonymous]

This sounds alike a social media induced behavior. I’d eat out as a family once a week like on Sunday evening, and give her $20 a week for Starbucks (that’s almost on a day). Anything more she should have to earn.

[Anonymous]

Do you guys eat meals together as a family? Is there cooked food available to her for lunch and such? What is in the house as an alternative?

[Anonymous]

If this were my kid, I would tell them they can have $25/week for chores, but only if they keep track of what they spend on the fast food. Every penny (no rounding up or down) and see what happens for a month. See if keeping track of it gives them some evidence that it's crazy to spend that much.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Younger people don't make food at home, plan on giving them a 80/day uber eats budget

What kind of crazy talk is that??

[Anonymous]

Since this is an anonymous forum, what are the other issues being addressed by a family therapist? A lot of this ordering doesn’t really seem to center around peers/social settings. It sounds a little compulsive. Is she active in a sport? How are her grades? I would pay for whatever the latest exercise class craze is for her and make an appointment with a dietician. Make certain to emphasize that you want her to respect her body and treat it well- it’s not about weight control.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Initially, I was going to say parents but after reading the post, she is getting it from other kids. I teach middle school and you would be astounded by all the Grub Hub and food delivery for students our office gets. It puts teachers to shame who bring their lunch for the most part. Parents are giving them access to their accounts and letting them do what they want. My own teen can use her money and that is it. I cook at home every night and going out is a treat.

Our school abolished food delivery, even from parents, because it got so out of control, and I fully support that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Since this is an anonymous forum, what are the other issues being addressed by a family therapist? A lot of this ordering doesn’t really seem to center around peers/social settings. It sounds a little compulsive. Is she active in a sport? How are her grades? I would pay for whatever the latest exercise class craze is for her and make an appointment with a dietician. Make certain to emphasize that you want her to respect her body and treat it well- it’s not about weight control.

If this is really, really true.

If it’s not, it’s going to be even more complicated to try to address the valid concerns without stepping into more fraught territory.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My 15 DD is literally obsessed with eating out almost every meal. She asks for us to get take out, she wants to order Uber eats, if we are driving somewhere she begs to stop to go to a drive through. For ex this week she’s asked for South Block, Baskin-Robbins, Tropical Smoothie, Chipotle, Starbucks, ihop, and take out from a local Mexican place.

We do not eat out often as a family due to time constraints with their sports. We do not do food delivery unless it’s pizza. I don’t drink coffee so there’s no Starbucks habit. If we get take out it’s sushi. Hence we typically eat most of all meals from home that we have made, unless it’s a special occasion. I’m not opposed to going to restaurants it’s just we don’t often have that time.

We just aren’t a take out or under eats or drive through family. 1) it’s really expensive and 2) restaurant food is full of salt, oil, etc and isn’t good for you in large volumes. But if there is a team dinner or a birthday or we want to be spontaneous, sure. We also have plenty of food at home, and I ask my kids every week what they want to eat. Our cub boards aren’t bear.

My teen literally has found ways for friends and her boyfriend to order her food, constantly. One day she had tropical smoothie, McDonald’s and ihop all in one day. If she asks for Starbucks and we say you have to pay for it (she has an allowance) she claims we are trying to make her skinny and don’t want to eat and are giving her an eating disorder. She’s at a perfectly healthy weight, we don’t make those comments, and we don’t restrict food in our house. We just say no to the daily (sometimes multiple times a day) with take out/fast food.

We do have a family therapist but the advice she’s been giving us isn’t working. My daughter seems to be laser focused on this power dynamic. I can’t control what she does outside this house or how she gets her friends/boyfriend to spend money on her but she brings that defiant attitude into the house. This morning she claimed we were neglecting her and not wanting her to eat because again we said no Starbucks and that she can eat one of the 50 other things we have at home for breakfast. Can anyone offer some advice? I am worried once she goes to college she’ll end up broke in the first month from spending all her money on take out food.

Keep saying no and tell her to get a job when she turns 16 if she wants takeout. My DS gets takeout maybe once every few weeks but he's 18 and works every summer so it's his money. I haven't gotten food delivery since way back when I was in college and pizza delivery was a thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why is a 15 yr old who doesn't drive obsessed with drive thrus? She's getting that experience somewhere to keep asking for it. Why would she demand Starbucks for breakfast if there is no history of it? Something is missing here.

Not true. Kids don't exist in a vacuum. If they see other kids doing it, they want to do it too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Initially, I was going to say parents but after reading the post, she is getting it from other kids. I teach middle school and you would be astounded by all the Grub Hub and food delivery for students our office gets. It puts teachers to shame who bring their lunch for the most part. Parents are giving them access to their accounts and letting them do what they want. My own teen can use her money and that is it. I cook at home every night and going out is a treat.

Our school abolished food delivery, even from parents, because it got so out of control, and I fully support that.

+1 The optics are just so bad. Bring back a pizza party after a successful can drive for the local food pantry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Initially, I was going to say parents but after reading the post, she is getting it from other kids. I teach middle school and you would be astounded by all the Grub Hub and food delivery for students our office gets. It puts teachers to shame who bring their lunch for the most part. Parents are giving them access to their accounts and letting them do what they want. My own teen can use her money and that is it. I cook at home every night and going out is a treat.

Our school doesn't allow that. That's absurd. Does the office deal with all of these deliveries?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you guys eat meals together as a family? Is there cooked food available to her for lunch and such? What is in the house as an alternative?

Teens can cook. They don’t need “cooked food” available. They need ingredients.