Teen obsessed with ordering food/eating out
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Anonymous
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My 15 DD is literally obsessed with eating out almost every meal. She asks for us to get take out, she wants to order Uber eats, if we are driving somewhere she begs to stop to go to a drive through. For ex this week she’s asked for South Block, Baskin-Robbins, Tropical Smoothie, Chipotle, Starbucks, ihop, and take out from a local Mexican place.
We do not eat out often as a family due to time constraints with their sports. We do not do food delivery unless it’s pizza. I don’t drink coffee so there’s no Starbucks habit. If we get take out it’s sushi. Hence we typically eat most of all meals from home that we have made, unless it’s a special occasion. I’m not opposed to going to restaurants it’s just we don’t often have that time. We just aren’t a take out or under eats or drive through family. 1) it’s really expensive and 2) restaurant food is full of salt, oil, etc and isn’t good for you in large volumes. But if there is a team dinner or a birthday or we want to be spontaneous, sure. We also have plenty of food at home, and I ask my kids every week what they want to eat. Our cub boards aren’t bear. My teen literally has found ways for friends and her boyfriend to order her food, constantly. One day she had tropical smoothie, McDonald’s and ihop all in one day. If she asks for Starbucks and we say you have to pay for it (she has an allowance) she claims we are trying to make her skinny and don’t want to eat and are giving her an eating disorder. She’s at a perfectly healthy weight, we don’t make those comments, and we don’t restrict food in our house. We just say no to the daily (sometimes multiple times a day) with take out/fast food. We do have a family therapist but the advice she’s been giving us isn’t working. My daughter seems to be laser focused on this power dynamic. I can’t control what she does outside this house or how she gets her friends/boyfriend to spend money on her but she brings that defiant attitude into the house. This morning she claimed we were neglecting her and not wanting her to eat because again we said no Starbucks and that she can eat one of the 50 other things we have at home for breakfast. Can anyone offer some advice? I am worried once she goes to college she’ll end up broke in the first month from spending all her money on take out food. |
Anonymous
| It sounds like a spending problem. I think you're doing fine by giving her an allowance and limiting her to this. Let her buy whatever she wants with her allowance but when she is out of money that is it. Explain that eating out is financially irresponsible and that's that. I may be harsher than other parents on this forum, but I would sit down and set limits on snark and attitude. If my DD gave me serious attitude or whined, I would stop her allowance. In college, she may end up broke, but you can limit spending on food by just getting the school meal plan. I don't know how she manages to convince her friends and boyfriend to buy things for her all the time, but my guess is that this will take care of itself when they get tired of her not being able to pay them back. |
Anonymous
| She is totally playing you with the "eating disorder" and such comments. Respond, "that is not true. You can spend your birthday money to eat out." |
Anonymous
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I would consider this a phase that you can wait out, would not worry about college spending since she is 15.
Just keep responding kindly but firmly, "No, but you can spend your own money." The friends/boyfriend ordering her food seems like a problem that will resolve itself eventually when they get tired of it. |
Anonymous
| Why is a 15 yr old who doesn't drive obsessed with drive thrus? She's getting that experience somewhere to keep asking for it. Why would she demand Starbucks for breakfast if there is no history of it? Something is missing here. |
Anonymous
+1 I would also do what you can to discourage her from having a credit card in college. She may be able to get one without you (when I was in college, card companies were actively seeking to give cards to students), but I think it would be too easy for her to drift into debt without realizing it. |
Anonymous
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Just control what you can control- you don’t give her money for take out, she can use her own allowance or own money, she can always eat at home, I would make zero comments on others buying it for her- thats her problem.
In meantime just continue asking her what she wants on grocery list before you shop and make sure there is food at home. No discussion about whether its good use of money or healthy or not- she decides on her money, you don’t cave on your monwy |
Anonymous
Tell the family therapist their advice isn't working. Think about finding someone different to work with. Why pay a therapist's rates when you need to go to DCUM for advice? |
Anonymous
| Where do you live that your DF is surrounded by rich trashy friends who spend their parents' money on her? |
Anonymous
| I wonder what DD is doing to get money out of the BF. |
Anonymous
| She might. I gave my ds lots of spending money this year for his freshman and it all went to take out food. His problem. |
Anonymous
I would consider it my problem that I gave them too much spending money and it all went to overpriced food. And realize that it makes better financial sense to give less money the next year. Inevitably they will run out after blowing it all on food and you'll have to give them more for something less discretionary, and then it's your problem again. |
Anonymous
| Younger people don't make food at home, plan on giving them a 80/day uber eats budget |
Anonymous
| Give her $20-$50 cash *gasp* at the beginning of the week, tell her it’s for food as you are no longer spending more than that. Never offer to pay for her food when out unless other family members are buying things too. If she asks for something ask if she has the money for it, if not say oh well you can find something at home then and keep on driving. Ignore any response she gives after that and redirect the conversation. Also, teach her to meal plan, grocery shop, and cook if she doesn’t already. |
Anonymous
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It may be helpful to think of it as an independence issue more than a food issue. Some of those restaurants are just part of the social experience as a teen more than the specific food. Sure, there is plenty of food at home, but it's not a replacement for eating a fun frozen drink with your friends.
Even though you don't have a Starbucks habit, she is interested. "We" aren't a take-out family, but she wants it. There is "not enough time" is another way of saying that it's not important enough to you. So she can be hearing that message that her wishes aren't the family way and may be feeling restricted or controlled while you are focused on practicality. I would give in at times. Just say "sure" sometimes b/c you love her and it matters to her. If you have to say 'no' then say when you can take her, or communicate that you will make time to take her once or twice a week. Maybe Friday night is take-out night, but the rest of the week is at home. The intense desire for what you can't have may fade when it's available. A take-out food allowance of $X a week could give her a sense of independence. |