If you were kicked out as an adult, what did you do after?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Effectively kicked out at 18. I fortunately had enough money from scholarships and my mom’s life insurance that college was doable with minimal work study and a few loans. I did go home a few times for Christmas but otherwise stayed with my sister and friends during breaks. I was travelling for most of the summers during college, funded by scholarships or teaching English. First couple of years out of college I supported myself fine with various jobs and low COL lifestyle (roommates etc). When I needed to get on my feet after college I stayed with my aunt a few months while I took the train into the city to temp as I looked for my first “real” job. A few years of that then a full ride to law school, and have been comfortably supporting myself ever since.

Elderly dad and stepmom now periodically beg for money. They can suck it!

Oh, aaaabsolutely not. What gall they have. Good for you!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Effectively kicked out at 18. I fortunately had enough money from scholarships and my mom’s life insurance that college was doable with minimal work study and a few loans. I did go home a few times for Christmas but otherwise stayed with my sister and friends during breaks. I was travelling for most of the summers during college, funded by scholarships or teaching English. First couple of years out of college I supported myself fine with various jobs and low COL lifestyle (roommates etc). When I needed to get on my feet after college I stayed with my aunt a few months while I took the train into the city to temp as I looked for my first “real” job. A few years of that then a full ride to law school, and have been comfortably supporting myself ever since.

Elderly dad and stepmom now periodically beg for money. They can suck it!

I’m glad you were able to succeed. I’m fascinated that your father and stepmother ask you for money. Can you say more about that? What do they actually say to you? Is there any acknowledgment whatsoever from them that they did not support you and completely left you to fend for yourself?

Oh ha ha. They are basically grifters now and ask everyone for “loans” that they will never pay back. If I told them “no, because you never supported me financially” they would have made up some story in their head about how “we were so generous - we gave you $100 for your birthday once and drove you to the airport!”

I think the double-edged sword is that since I and my older siblings so effectively supported ourselves after 18, they don’t even realize that it is unusual. The younger kids in the family ended up much less self-sufficient and got a lot more help.

[Anonymous]

I wasn’t kicked out per se, but my mother sold the family home and moved to a small apartment while I was in college. There was no room for me to stay there for longer than a few days, so it was just understood that after graduation I needed to find my own place and the means to support myself. Got an internship after graduation that led to a full time job, albeit in another state. Worked out fine and I probably took more career chances (in a good way) than I would have if I could have stayed at home until a “better” job had come along.

[Anonymous]

“Kicked out” “as an adult” seems like an oxymoron. How long do you expect your parents to coddle you?
It’s more like becoming an independent, self sufficient adult.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:at 18, I left for college and never went back.
Got student loans and worked. Made it through just fine.
Parents had a lot of kids - I was the oldest - and didn't pay for anything.
Not understanding how this is a thing?

That’s much more difficult to do today. Without a co-signer, a traditional undergrad student can only take out up to $27,000 in federal student loans total over the course of their 4 years, not per year. That limit hasn’t increased since 2007. Which averages out to about $5-6k/year limits. The cheapest instate schools are $10k/year nowadays in tuition alone, and then you add in bare minimum $900/month rent in a shared living situation. Then add in transportation, food & books.

Hopefully, that explains it for you.

Get over it. Get a good job. Get a cheap apartment with several roommates to lower the costs. Eat ramen noodles and cheaper foods.
That’s what we all did a few decades ago.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:“Kicked out” “as an adult” seems like an oxymoron. How long do you expect your parents to coddle you?
It’s more like becoming an independent, self sufficient adult.

My thoughts as well. Rather than “kicked out” isn’t it called “launched”? My friends and I all had jobs and apartments after we graduated. I guess some parents coddle and create long term codependent relationships with their adult kids but that seems abnormal to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“Kicked out” “as an adult” seems like an oxymoron. How long do you expect your parents to coddle you?
It’s more like becoming an independent, self sufficient adult.

My thoughts as well. Rather than “kicked out” isn’t it called “launched”? My friends and I all had jobs and apartments after we graduated. I guess some parents coddle and create long term codependent relationships with their adult kids but that seems abnormal to me.

You had jobs and apartments after you graduated from high school? Wow!

I'm from the midwest and even there, my friends who didn't go to college couldn't immediately afford apartments since they weren't able to work full time until after graduation. No one had enough money until they'd worked full time at least for a few months.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“Kicked out” “as an adult” seems like an oxymoron. How long do you expect your parents to coddle you?
It’s more like becoming an independent, self sufficient adult.

My thoughts as well. Rather than “kicked out” isn’t it called “launched”? My friends and I all had jobs and apartments after we graduated. I guess some parents coddle and create long term codependent relationships with their adult kids but that seems abnormal to me.

You had jobs and apartments after you graduated from high school? Wow!

I'm from the midwest and even there, my friends who didn't go to college couldn't immediately afford apartments since they weren't able to work full time until after graduation. No one had enough money until they'd worked full time at least for a few months.

Pretty sure the PP was referring to college graduation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“Kicked out” “as an adult” seems like an oxymoron. How long do you expect your parents to coddle you?
It’s more like becoming an independent, self sufficient adult.

My thoughts as well. Rather than “kicked out” isn’t it called “launched”? My friends and I all had jobs and apartments after we graduated. I guess some parents coddle and create long term codependent relationships with their adult kids but that seems abnormal to me.

I “launched” at 17. There were sone pretty difficult years of living in rented rooms in disgusting group homes (think no working toilet, utilities cut off, and a curtain to delineate your “room”) and working 30 hours a week during college and 80 hours a week summers and breaks to pay rent and tuition and then continuing to live like a poor student for many years after grad school to pay off loans. If that’s “normal”, I’m happy for my kid to not be normal.

[Anonymous]

Moved to US at 18 as an Au Pair. Changed jobs at 19 and worked in a restaurant.
Working at the restaurant is a pretty good way to get your life started. Flexible job, plenty of work, easy to move on, easy to move up, easy to change position in the same company.
They feed you, you can live close to work as there are plenty of restaurants everywhere. I'd rent a room or get a roommate rather than start paying high rent alone, and work day and night to save up money for the next phase of life.

[Anonymous]

Adopted by an older couple and by the time I was 19 my mom was very ill(I was the care giver) and my father died. After her death my niece(older than me) kicked me out of the home and I went to live with my girlfriend.

It’s not great, I had to move out of state to West Virginia but it’s going. She’s now renting out the home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:God! These are horrific posts. My heart is hurting for all of you.

Really? This is the typical life of an immigrant. Next time tip them better or if you are in the position, offer them better pay!

I don't think k these posts are sad.

While I will probably have trouble kicking out my adult children I am grateful to my parents for making me support myself and teaching me responsibility.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:at 18, I left for college and never went back.
Got student loans and worked. Made it through just fine.
Parents had a lot of kids - I was the oldest - and didn't pay for anything.
Not understanding how this is a thing?

It is sad that you think that this is normal. It is one thing for parents not to have the money to help you financially after age 18, and for the student to have to take loans and work. However, it is another thing for parent to "kick out" an 18-year-old, and not be there for their son/daughter.

[Anonymous]

They went to college. Maybe they came back a couple of summers? I'm not understanding. This is what a lot of people do. Go to college and then get an apartment with friends after college.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wasn’t kicked out per se, but my mother sold the family home and moved to a small apartment while I was in college. There was no room for me to stay there for longer than a few days, so it was just understood that after graduation I needed to find my own place and the means to support myself. Got an internship after graduation that led to a full time job, albeit in another state. Worked out fine and I probably took more career chances (in a good way) than I would have if I could have stayed at home until a “better” job had come along.

This doesn’t sound bad at all. Just sounds like your mom expected you to support yourself after college…isn’t that the point of college?

Some of the other posts are sad, but your mom expecting you to find your own place after college sounds normal.