Before I put my mom in her place, does this sound fair?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP: Your post makes you appear to be insensitive and uncaring. Truthfully, I prefer to avoid people like you. And now you want to "put [your] mom in her place". Very sad, although I do wonder if this is a troll post.

Your mom found the thread OP!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tell your mom to leave you out of it. She shouldn’t be complaining about brother to you.

Other than that, I’d stay out of it.

+1
Triangulation is another narcissistic trait. Stay out of it and tell her you don't want to hear about it. When she cries you don't care (and if she's like my mom, she will), tell her you care to plan things with her but she makes it difficult when she wants to spend the time complaining about your brother, whom you have no control over. Then tell her you have other things to do than bad mouth your brother and SIL. Eventually she'll stop.

My mom still occasionally says my SIL "controls" my brother, but I always say "oh, sorry, I've got to run" whenever that comes up.

The posters who internet diagnose everything as pathological narcissism are a blight on this forum.

That is all.

[Anonymous]

1. OP you should definitely direct your mom to your brother to discuss this. Your subject line is off the mark in that you think YOU need to put your mom in her place. If anyone is doing that, it should be your brother. It's his situation, don't insert yourself (and be blamed for any outcomes of said conversation).

2. In her defense, I don't see why it's unreasonable for her to want to spend the day with her kids. Maybe you *do* mention this to your brother and suggest that 1. he brings it up to his mom and 2. works out alternating with his wife OR combining both sides of the family on the day to celebrate together with multi-generations.

It's not hard to be nice and obviously OP's mom likes to have a nice Mothers Day. That doesn't make her BPD.

[Anonymous]

Hey, I’m the grandmother who posted about mean millennials. My kids NEVER show up.

I hear so many of my friends who are grandparents complain about these kinds of things. They are always being slighted. They always paint themselves as a victim.

I would not confront your mother, because she is clearly hurt. I would turn the whole thing around to frame it that they you are all just lucky to have each other. I would remind her that having kids is not easy and that you are doing the best you can. I have actually said this to some of my friends, and they tend to lighten up.

[Anonymous]

Your mom is being childish.

[Anonymous]

The only solution is for you and brother to.give her a big FAT GIFT to your mom so it fills up the pain, hurt, emptiness you guys leave on her.

She gave you both birth, have empathy for your mom. She's gonna die soon. Your wife and your sister in law must be grateful to gave birth to you two.

Now go give your mom gifts, go on vacation with her too, ask her what she needs and what she wants.
Be proactive and move your a z z .

[Anonymous]

And your mom can hang out more with her daughters in laws too and they can invite your mom to events too.

[Anonymous]

How about you switch the days. This year was the other grandma on mother's day.

NOW FOR NEXT YEARS 2024 MOTHERS DAY IT MUST BE CELEBRATED WITH YOUR MOM!!!

BE FAIR

[Anonymous]

This year I spend Thanksgiving with my family and next year with my husband's family

[Anonymous]

I hope someone, someday gives karma back to OP and his brother. Yes, I wish you bad, bad luck to you and your families.

[Anonymous]

Sorry means nothing. Actions speaks louder

[Anonymous]

I think you should definitely stand up for your brother/sister in law. The most important mother in your brother’s life right now is his wife - the mother of his kids!! He spends Saturday with her and spends Sunday doing what his wife wants to do.

I saw a Facebook post somewhere about how the older generation are ‘veteran moms’ and moms of little kids are ‘active duty’ moms who are the ones who need celebrating right now. Your mom had her heyday, she needs to knock it off.

[Anonymous]

I either spend with both moms or one year with my mom on mother's day and next year with wife's mom. The one who didn't get mother's day on Sunday we go on Saturday with her.

It's the right thing to do

[Anonymous]

It's not your job to put your mom "in her place".
She's not a child.

However, you are well within your rights to say, "Mom, if you have an issue with Bob, talk to him directly. I'm not going to get involved." And if she keeps pushing then end the conversation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's not your job to put your mom "in her place".
She's not a child.

However, you are well within your rights to say, "Mom, if you have an issue with Bob, talk to him directly. I'm not going to get involved." And if she keeps pushing then end the conversation.

Hey, I was just going to say that! Here's your answer.

"Put her in her place." Really?!