Before I put my mom in her place, does this sound fair?

[Anonymous]

Why is no one celebrating the current, active mothers with young kids?? Why is this a war of which granny gets the most butt kissing? Boomers suck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like your mom's feelings are hurt. Maybe have some empathy?

The family has moved into a new generation, where is her empathy for that?

She sounds narcissistic. (Not saying she is, but this behavior is).

It sounds like the issue is the brother is not just with his wife but also with his MIL. It's one thing for a guy to say he needs to spend time with wife on MD, but perhaps something else to say he needs to spend time with MIL. Whatever, I think OP stays out of it and tells her mom to stop complaining about her brother to her and take it up with him directly.

[Anonymous]

I personally think it's a silly thing to care about it, but your mom does care. Would it be possible to alternate some years where they spend Saturday with the in laws and Sunday with your mom? Is there a larger pattern with other holidays where she feels like the in laws get priority?

But as others have said, this is between your mom and brother. Stay out of it and tell them both not to drag you into it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like your mom's feelings are hurt. Maybe have some empathy?

The family has moved into a new generation, where is her empathy for that?

She sounds narcissistic. (Not saying she is, but this behavior is).

It sounds like the issue is the brother is not just with his wife but also with his MIL. It's one thing for a guy to say he needs to spend time with wife on MD, but perhaps something else to say he needs to spend time with MIL. Whatever, I think OP stays out of it and tells her mom to stop complaining about her brother to her and take it up with him directly.

Only he IS spending time with his wife and doing what his wife wants to do on Mother’s Day, and what that is is to attend her family function. It has nothing to do with her MIL.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why is no one celebrating the current, active mothers with young kids?? Why is this a war of which granny gets the most butt kissing? Boomers suck.

Shut up!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Pretty much every year Mother’s Day goes like this for my brother: He invites our mom out to brunch/lunch on Saturday. I’m usually invited with them, rarely we bring our kids and spouses. It’s always a nice afternoon centered around mom and her children. We usually wander to a park after we eat to walk around, sometimes grabbing dessert.

On Sunday in the past he’s watched the kids while his wife visits her mom for brunch. But in the past two years he’s been tagging along because they’ve made it a larger family reunion-type gathering now that there are more grandkids.

(FWIW, I’d say 50/50 on Sunday I will also visit my mom, but it depends on how my week ahead looks. I did visit with her briefly this year.)

My mom can’t get over the fact that my brother spends MD with SIL’s mom and not her. She cries fat tears and will complain about it for weeks. I’m so sick of hearing about it. He has a wife with kids and that’s his main priority, and it should be! I want to speak up on my brother’s behalf and put her in her place, but first I need to know if the way we treat MD sounds fair. What do you think?

Dang, I just want to say that I agree with you. I'm not sure how to proceed but I feel like you "get it". You are on the "right side" but I'm not sure how much good putting Mom in her place will do.

I often have these types of scenarios in my family of origin and want to engage but know from past experiences the other people ("your mom" in this situation) will go off the rails and act crazy. So I typically don't really engage.

[Anonymous]

Stay out of it. Just change the subject or tell mom to talk to your brother. Why isn’t she mad you see her on Saturday? I have kids and I just don’t care about MD. It’s a stupid holiday.

[Anonymous]

So your mom has no complaints if you don’t spend MD with her, but she does if your brother spends it with his in-laws, even if he celebrated with your mom the day before, just like you did? How did she and your dad observe MD when you were a kid?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why is no one celebrating the current, active mothers with young kids?? Why is this a war of which granny gets the most butt kissing? Boomers suck.

All moms should be celebrated, if they want to be. But there are only so many hours in a day. When my mom was living, I took her to lunch and a movie during the week, and gave her gift to her then. We had a blast. Sometimes, I also sent her flowers to be delivered Saturday afternoon. I have a couple of siblings who went on MD. Sometimes, we would stop by after seeing MIL on Sunday. My mom died 5 years ago, was a boomer, and I miss those days. I didn’t care about being celebrated. A card was fine for me. Christmas is the only holiday I love.

[Anonymous]

Well it does seem unfair to her that the other grandmother gets the multigenerational family get together on every Mother’s Day. Maybe they could alternate years like with other holidays. Does everyone expect her to not notice get stiffed? She’s choosing to express her disappointment to you. If you have no tome for it just cut her off. But the putting her in her place doesn’t seem appropriate when she is getting treated differently.

[Anonymous]

This is the stupidest freaking holiday. I hate it so much

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why is no one celebrating the current, active mothers with young kids?? Why is this a war of which granny gets the most butt kissing? Boomers suck.

This is the real answer

[Anonymous]

I find MD nice unless it creates these bizarre expectations like crying fat tears because of xyz. Same with any holiday. It honestly is just another day. A raccoon would not cry if no one celebrated its birthday; we are animals also. Just treat your parents and loved ones well every day as best you can.

[Anonymous]

“Mom, I think you need to talk to Jason. I can’t help with this, because I can’t get in the middle. I will say that I think if he acknowledges you on or around in some way, like a call or a card and flowers, then that’s perfectly nice. He has a duty not only to you, but to the mother of his children, and she quite naturally wants to see her mom. Give him a call, but if he’s acknowledging you in some way, I wouldn’t go in too hard—I would start by at least recognizing his efforts. Don’t you remember that it’s hard to be the mom on Mother’s Day, and also have a duty to your own mom?”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is no one celebrating the current, active mothers with young kids?? Why is this a war of which granny gets the most butt kissing? Boomers suck.

Shut up!

Agree with PP above. Boomers are the most selfish generation.