Mom telling me what to do - how to handle this

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"Mom, if you wouldn't say it to a friend, don't say it to me".

She should reevaluate everything out of her mouth this way.

You need to be treated as an equal (that is the ideal). At this stage, that will be the most harmonious relationship.

This one always makes me laugh. My mother absolutely does say it to everyone else, including friends, her siblings, strangers, co-workers, etc.

[Anonymous]

This is your mom, so you can lovingly talk to her and point out what she saying. She might not even realize it.

“Mom, you’re nagging”, or “mom, are you volunteering to do the chores because I don’t have time.” “ mom you’re not picking and that’s not helpful.”

[Anonymous]

I have a weekly cleaning woman and my MIL and Mom will tell her how to clean properly. A lot of their need to control gets fulfilled in directing her.

Both my mom and MIL love to cook. I act like their sous chef and both DH and I go gaga over whatever they cook. So my interaction goes like this -
Me - Mom, I can make a sandwich and soup or brocolli casserole with chicken for your lunch.
Mom - Don't mind me. I will warm up leftovers from last night.
Me - Oh, ok. What do you want for dinner. I can make pork chops and mixed veggies.
Mom - No, no. I will make the dinner. Let me make penang curry and rice.
Me - ok. what do you want me to chop.
Mom - I want you to...(long list of ingredients and chopping)
Me - Ok.
Mom - Also, next time, don't get so much carrots. Your fridge is a mess. I cannot find anything in your pantry.
Me - yes. I don't know what to do. Help me one day to organize it. Please!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"I'm not asking for you're opinion, mom. And you nagging me means I'm just going to not do it."

Is it petty? Yes.
Does it work? Yes.

I've been telling my mom this for at least 20 years. It doesn't work at all. She thinks as long as she can get the words out that I'm still going to listen. I don't, but she won't ever stop.

Then set stricter boundaries. If you are going to nag me then leave the room. If you are going to nag me then you are not welcome at my house. Repeat every time she does this.

Well we are currently in no contact. And this cycle repeats itself. After some time we will call a truce, she will be on her best behavior for a bit, then her old ways start up and we're back to no contact. I guess I repeat it every time but it isn't working. If you have to keep repeating the cure then how can you say it works? It obviously doesn't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“Mind your business.” Keep the tone neutral, but that’s the response. Every time.

pp from above. that doesn't work with my mom. she blows up at me every time I'm not answering to her satisfaction.

Last night she TOLD me I needed to buy a scooper for cat litter box. I don't. She never cleans the box and never will. But she needs to tell me what to do. I told her I'm handling it and no I don't need to buy it (albeit in a very annoyed way). She started yelling at me calling me names and hasn't talked to me since.

OK? Your experience has nothing to do with my experience. OP asked for input and I offered mine. You don’t have to agree with it. Your experience with your mom doesn’t negate my experience—and what works—with mine. Sounds like you’re pretty similar to dear old mom, barreling over me and trying to discount me because I don’t do things your way.

DP but if you have to say it "every time" what exactly is working about it? She's still doing it. Do you want her to stop or do you just want to tell her to MYOB constantly without the nagging ceasing?

“Every time” is the ADVICE—as requested by OP—not the experience sweetie, but nice try. I maybe had to say it to my mom three times before she learned I was serious and to back off. She’s had a few slip-ups over the years, but it is handled quickly. Thanks so much for playing.

Playing what? I guess your mom isn't nearly as difficult as many others. Lucky you? It's like thinking you have the perfect parenting advice. There is no such thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“Mind your business.” Keep the tone neutral, but that’s the response. Every time.

pp from above. that doesn't work with my mom. she blows up at me every time I'm not answering to her satisfaction.

Last night she TOLD me I needed to buy a scooper for cat litter box. I don't. She never cleans the box and never will. But she needs to tell me what to do. I told her I'm handling it and no I don't need to buy it (albeit in a very annoyed way). She started yelling at me calling me names and hasn't talked to me since.

OK? Your experience has nothing to do with my experience. OP asked for input and I offered mine. You don’t have to agree with it. Your experience with your mom doesn’t negate my experience—and what works—with mine. Sounds like you’re pretty similar to dear old mom, barreling over me and trying to discount me because I don’t do things your way.

DP but if you have to say it "every time" what exactly is working about it? She's still doing it. Do you want her to stop or do you just want to tell her to MYOB constantly without the nagging ceasing?

“Every time” is the ADVICE—as requested by OP—not the experience sweetie, but nice try. I maybe had to say it to my mom three times before she learned I was serious and to back off. She’s had a few slip-ups over the years, but it is handled quickly. Thanks so much for playing.

Playing what? I guess your mom isn't nearly as difficult as many others. Lucky you? It's like thinking you have the perfect parenting advice. There is no such thing.

I never said it was perfect, I just shared my advice. As requested by OP. And then you chose to pick at it. Guess what? Your experience has nothing to do with mine. You do you, you offer your advice. My advice stands on its own, as does my experience.

[Anonymous]

Give her a task in another room while you're cooking. "Can you please walk Shorty while I cook dinner? Can you go review flashcards with Melanie for 15 minutes?" Get a closed door and lock it, and tell her when you're working she can't interrupt.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“Mind your business.” Keep the tone neutral, but that’s the response. Every time.

pp from above. that doesn't work with my mom. she blows up at me every time I'm not answering to her satisfaction.

Last night she TOLD me I needed to buy a scooper for cat litter box. I don't. She never cleans the box and never will. But she needs to tell me what to do. I told her I'm handling it and no I don't need to buy it (albeit in a very annoyed way). She started yelling at me calling me names and hasn't talked to me since.

OK? Your experience has nothing to do with my experience. OP asked for input and I offered mine. You don’t have to agree with it. Your experience with your mom doesn’t negate my experience—and what works—with mine. Sounds like you’re pretty similar to dear old mom, barreling over me and trying to discount me because I don’t do things your way.

DP but if you have to say it "every time" what exactly is working about it? She's still doing it. Do you want her to stop or do you just want to tell her to MYOB constantly without the nagging ceasing?

“Every time” is the ADVICE—as requested by OP—not the experience sweetie, but nice try. I maybe had to say it to my mom three times before she learned I was serious and to back off. She’s had a few slip-ups over the years, but it is handled quickly. Thanks so much for playing.

Playing what? I guess your mom isn't nearly as difficult as many others. Lucky you? It's like thinking you have the perfect parenting advice. There is no such thing.

I never said it was perfect, I just shared my advice. As requested by OP. And then you chose to pick at it. Guess what? Your experience has nothing to do with mine. You do you, you offer your advice. My advice stands on its own, as does my experience.

Another NP here.
OMG just let it go. You are waaay too invested in retorting to perceived criticism!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“Mind your business.” Keep the tone neutral, but that’s the response. Every time.

pp from above. that doesn't work with my mom. she blows up at me every time I'm not answering to her satisfaction.

Last night she TOLD me I needed to buy a scooper for cat litter box. I don't. She never cleans the box and never will. But she needs to tell me what to do. I told her I'm handling it and no I don't need to buy it (albeit in a very annoyed way). She started yelling at me calling me names and hasn't talked to me since.

OK? Your experience has nothing to do with my experience. OP asked for input and I offered mine. You don’t have to agree with it. Your experience with your mom doesn’t negate my experience—and what works—with mine. Sounds like you’re pretty similar to dear old mom, barreling over me and trying to discount me because I don’t do things your way.

DP but if you have to say it "every time" what exactly is working about it? She's still doing it. Do you want her to stop or do you just want to tell her to MYOB constantly without the nagging ceasing?

“Every time” is the ADVICE—as requested by OP—not the experience sweetie, but nice try. I maybe had to say it to my mom three times before she learned I was serious and to back off. She’s had a few slip-ups over the years, but it is handled quickly. Thanks so much for playing.

Playing what? I guess your mom isn't nearly as difficult as many others. Lucky you? It's like thinking you have the perfect parenting advice. There is no such thing.

I never said it was perfect, I just shared my advice. As requested by OP. And then you chose to pick at it. Guess what? Your experience has nothing to do with mine. You do you, you offer your advice. My advice stands on its own, as does my experience.

You are talking to multiple people who have said it doesn't work for them. Just so you know.

[Anonymous]

If she's a guest/living in the home, she'd get the suggestion that she can do it herself. Every time. In a pleasant tone- if she she responds "I was just trying to help" you reply the same thing back.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Give her chores to do.

+1 She is bored and needs something to keep busy with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“Mind your business.” Keep the tone neutral, but that’s the response. Every time.

pp from above. that doesn't work with my mom. she blows up at me every time I'm not answering to her satisfaction.

Last night she TOLD me I needed to buy a scooper for cat litter box. I don't. She never cleans the box and never will. But she needs to tell me what to do. I told her I'm handling it and no I don't need to buy it (albeit in a very annoyed way). She started yelling at me calling me names and hasn't talked to me since.

OK? Your experience has nothing to do with my experience. OP asked for input and I offered mine. You don’t have to agree with it. Your experience with your mom doesn’t negate my experience—and what works—with mine. Sounds like you’re pretty similar to dear old mom, barreling over me and trying to discount me because I don’t do things your way.

DP but if you have to say it "every time" what exactly is working about it? She's still doing it. Do you want her to stop or do you just want to tell her to MYOB constantly without the nagging ceasing?

“Every time” is the ADVICE—as requested by OP—not the experience sweetie, but nice try. I maybe had to say it to my mom three times before she learned I was serious and to back off. She’s had a few slip-ups over the years, but it is handled quickly. Thanks so much for playing.

Playing what? I guess your mom isn't nearly as difficult as many others. Lucky you? It's like thinking you have the perfect parenting advice. There is no such thing.

I never said it was perfect, I just shared my advice. As requested by OP. And then you chose to pick at it. Guess what? Your experience has nothing to do with mine. You do you, you offer your advice. My advice stands on its own, as does my experience.

DP. I’ll echo the PP. Why are you being so hostile?