My 2 Year Old scares me

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Good Inside by Dr. Becky

Did you happen to grow up with family with addiction issues? I’m only asking because many of us that did felt like we had to be “perfect children” so seeing children with major reactions/tantrums can be very triggering.

Yes. OP is clearly a crackhead.

[Anonymous]

It's normal for Terrible Twos tantrums to be dramatic and it's normal for you to hate them. I put myself in time out and go in the next room to breathe deeply. Earplugs also work (not total noise canceling but noise dimming ones, or put AirPods in with music playing). Highly recommend.

[Anonymous]

Can someone tell me what FTM is?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can someone tell me what FTM is?

First-time mom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The kicking and screaming. Flailing and wailing at the top of his lungs. Doesn’t do as told. Anyone found a solution to this. Links books anything. Im a FTM. Not sure to what extent this is normal or should he be evaluated.

Physical violence is absolutely abnormal, and a huge red flag. What do you think is going on? How much sleep is he getting? Does he need a more consistent routine? His behavior needs to be your priority right now. He must learn that he will obey his parents. Is his father at home?

"Kicking and screaming" is a common saying for a reason. No need to pathologize every single childhood behavior. This is classic terrible 2s.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can someone tell me what FTM is?

First-time mom.

Thank you!! Makes much more sense now

[Anonymous]

Is this new behavior? Our son had a weekend where I thought he had certainly been possessed by a demon his tantrums were so bad and out of the ordinary. We took him to the pediatrician out of desperation and because he had just had RSV and we knew ese infections were common. Turns out he was cutting molars. Some Tylenol and a few days and we got past it, but in those few days I wasn’t sure we were both going to make it alive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is this new behavior? Our son had a weekend where I thought he had certainly been possessed by a demon his tantrums were so bad and out of the ordinary. We took him to the pediatrician out of desperation and because he had just had RSV and we knew ese infections were common. Turns out he was cutting molars. Some Tylenol and a few days and we got past it, but in those few days I wasn’t sure we were both going to make it alive.

^this is a good point. My then-2yo's most demonic behavior was when she had COVID and we didn't realize it. Sick kids act out worse than usual.

[Anonymous]

Be calm, ignore it, and let the kid cry it out. It was hard the first time around as we didn't know what to do and we'd fight with our kid but in retrospect the kid was two so what do you expect... The second kid we knew it's just what two year olds (and up) do. It's still stressful but you known it's just a phase. - parent of DD5&9.

[Anonymous]

Hi there, I have a "scary" 2 year old as well, so totally commiserate. I also have an easy going happy 4 year old, so fortunately for me, I know it's not about parenting. It's not your fault. Kids are just wired differently. My general advice is to ignore unwanted behavior and profusely reward (with praise) good behavior you want to see. When he is tantruming, ignore and DO NOT give in to whatever it is he wanted. You can comfort him or just be there quietly while he does his thing. When he does well, praise praise praise and give all your affection and adoration.

Around 2 is when they start developing their sense of self and want to push boundaries. It will help to give him as many choices as possible (do you want to brush your teeth first or change into PJs?), give lots of head up for transitions even when they don't understand concept of time well (2 more minutes and then we have to go). Kids, especially strong willed kids, will not cooperate with you if they don't feel like they are practicing enough freedom and autonomy.

How are his language skills? 2 is also an age where their language often can't satisfy their need to communicate, so a lot of frustration. Not much to do here but to accept it and wait it out.

Speaking of strong willed kids, I would recommend "Raising your spirited child" if you think you have one. If anything, it will help you understand his perspective and that it's not personal. He is not trying to scare you or ruin your life or give you PTSD. I find that understanding goes a long way to helping me be more patient and to not let it get to me. And the more patient I am, the more he responds. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hi there, I have a "scary" 2 year old as well, so totally commiserate. I also have an easy going happy 4 year old, so fortunately for me, I know it's not about parenting. It's not your fault. Kids are just wired differently. My general advice is to ignore unwanted behavior and profusely reward (with praise) good behavior you want to see. When he is tantruming, ignore and DO NOT give in to whatever it is he wanted. You can comfort him or just be there quietly while he does his thing. When he does well, praise praise praise and give all your affection and adoration.

Around 2 is when they start developing their sense of self and want to push boundaries. It will help to give him as many choices as possible (do you want to brush your teeth first or change into PJs?), give lots of head up for transitions even when they don't understand concept of time well (2 more minutes and then we have to go). Kids, especially strong willed kids, will not cooperate with you if they don't feel like they are practicing enough freedom and autonomy.

How are his language skills? 2 is also an age where their language often can't satisfy their need to communicate, so a lot of frustration. Not much to do here but to accept it and wait it out.

Speaking of strong willed kids, I would recommend "Raising your spirited child" if you think you have one. If anything, it will help you understand his perspective and that it's not personal. He is not trying to scare you or ruin your life or give you PTSD. I find that understanding goes a long way to helping me be more patient and to not let it get to me. And the more patient I am, the more he responds. Good luck!

Same poster, just clarifying that my 4 year old has always been easy going. Year 2 was a breeze with him but not so with his little brother.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hi there, I have a "scary" 2 year old as well, so totally commiserate. I also have an easy going happy 4 year old, so fortunately for me, I know it's not about parenting. It's not your fault. Kids are just wired differently. My general advice is to ignore unwanted behavior and profusely reward (with praise) good behavior you want to see. When he is tantruming, ignore and DO NOT give in to whatever it is he wanted. You can comfort him or just be there quietly while he does his thing. When he does well, praise praise praise and give all your affection and adoration.

Around 2 is when they start developing their sense of self and want to push boundaries. It will help to give him as many choices as possible (do you want to brush your teeth first or change into PJs?), give lots of head up for transitions even when they don't understand concept of time well (2 more minutes and then we have to go). Kids, especially strong willed kids, will not cooperate with you if they don't feel like they are practicing enough freedom and autonomy.

How are his language skills? 2 is also an age where their language often can't satisfy their need to communicate, so a lot of frustration. Not much to do here but to accept it and wait it out.

Speaking of strong willed kids, I would recommend "Raising your spirited child" if you think you have one. If anything, it will help you understand his perspective and that it's not personal. He is not trying to scare you or ruin your life or give you PTSD. I find that understanding goes a long way to helping me be more patient and to not let it get to me. And the more patient I am, the more he responds. Good luck!

Same poster, just clarifying that my 4 year old has always been easy going. Year 2 was a breeze with him but not so with his little brother.

What to do when child kicks you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hi there, I have a "scary" 2 year old as well, so totally commiserate. I also have an easy going happy 4 year old, so fortunately for me, I know it's not about parenting. It's not your fault. Kids are just wired differently. My general advice is to ignore unwanted behavior and profusely reward (with praise) good behavior you want to see. When he is tantruming, ignore and DO NOT give in to whatever it is he wanted. You can comfort him or just be there quietly while he does his thing. When he does well, praise praise praise and give all your affection and adoration.

Around 2 is when they start developing their sense of self and want to push boundaries. It will help to give him as many choices as possible (do you want to brush your teeth first or change into PJs?), give lots of head up for transitions even when they don't understand concept of time well (2 more minutes and then we have to go). Kids, especially strong willed kids, will not cooperate with you if they don't feel like they are practicing enough freedom and autonomy.

How are his language skills? 2 is also an age where their language often can't satisfy their need to communicate, so a lot of frustration. Not much to do here but to accept it and wait it out.

Speaking of strong willed kids, I would recommend "Raising your spirited child" if you think you have one. If anything, it will help you understand his perspective and that it's not personal. He is not trying to scare you or ruin your life or give you PTSD. I find that understanding goes a long way to helping me be more patient and to not let it get to me. And the more patient I am, the more he responds. Good luck!

Same poster, just clarifying that my 4 year old has always been easy going. Year 2 was a breeze with him but not so with his little brother.

What to do when child kicks you?

Immediately set him down somewhere safe. Room with carpet, crib, etc. Firmly tell him no kicking. He will tantrum at this point and let him run his course. Soothe him if he asks but if he starts kicking or hitting again, repeat. Once he has calmed down, hug and make up and reaffirm that you love him and now explain to him why kicking/hitting is not allowed. And depending on age, tell him clearly consequences for future kicking. For a younger 2 year old, just tell him kicking hurts mommy and if he kicks again, he will be put down in crib again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hi there, I have a "scary" 2 year old as well, so totally commiserate. I also have an easy going happy 4 year old, so fortunately for me, I know it's not about parenting. It's not your fault. Kids are just wired differently. My general advice is to ignore unwanted behavior and profusely reward (with praise) good behavior you want to see. When he is tantruming, ignore and DO NOT give in to whatever it is he wanted. You can comfort him or just be there quietly while he does his thing. When he does well, praise praise praise and give all your affection and adoration.

Around 2 is when they start developing their sense of self and want to push boundaries. It will help to give him as many choices as possible (do you want to brush your teeth first or change into PJs?), give lots of head up for transitions even when they don't understand concept of time well (2 more minutes and then we have to go). Kids, especially strong willed kids, will not cooperate with you if they don't feel like they are practicing enough freedom and autonomy.

How are his language skills? 2 is also an age where their language often can't satisfy their need to communicate, so a lot of frustration. Not much to do here but to accept it and wait it out.

Speaking of strong willed kids, I would recommend "Raising your spirited child" if you think you have one. If anything, it will help you understand his perspective and that it's not personal. He is not trying to scare you or ruin your life or give you PTSD. I find that understanding goes a long way to helping me be more patient and to not let it get to me. And the more patient I am, the more he responds. Good luck!

Same poster, just clarifying that my 4 year old has always been easy going. Year 2 was a breeze with him but not so with his little brother.

What to do when child kicks you?

Immediately set him down somewhere safe. Room with carpet, crib, etc. Firmly tell him no kicking. He will tantrum at this point and let him run his course. Soothe him if he asks but if he starts kicking or hitting again, repeat. Once he has calmed down, hug and make up and reaffirm that you love him and now explain to him why kicking/hitting is not allowed. And depending on age, tell him clearly consequences for future kicking. For a younger 2 year old, just tell him kicking hurts mommy and if he kicks again, he will be put down in crib again.

Forgot to add what I think is an important point. Once tantrum/lesson is over, you should immediately resume normal relationship with him. Don't hold a grudge or treat him like he is a bad boy or withdraw. Go back to being cheerful as if nothing happen. That way, we keep discipline as a separate thing from our normal relationship and it doesn't harm the parent-child relationship.