My 2 Year Old scares me

[Anonymous]

Confirm with pediatrician that he’s within the bounds of normal.

Read 1-2-3 Magic. He’s at the perfect age to get started.

[Anonymous]

I would film it, show the dr, see if they think it's within normal range.

[Anonymous]

The Big Little Feelings Toddler Course helped us so much: https://biglittlefeelings.com/

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Confirm with pediatrician that he’s within the bounds of normal.

Read 1-2-3 Magic. He’s at the perfect age to get started.

I'm calling the pediatrician on Monday. Again, I'm a FTM, so it might be normal, but I am also frightened by the schrills. I get anxiety when he comes home. He is a bully towards me, and when I try and correct him, he fall out flat, screams, wails, flails and it goes on and on for long periods of time. If you walked passed the house, I would think he was being abused. I'm afraid to take him places. Not sure if this is 2 or a major concern. I heard about tantrums but experiencing them first hand is scary to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The Big Little Feelings Toddler Course helped us so much: https://biglittlefeelings.com/

Looking into this now!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would be worried if my two year old did not act like this.

I am!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:FWIW, my DS at 2 had epic tantrums (meltdowns) where he would shriek and flail for 1-2 hours (I watched the clock).

I now know where the idea of demonic possession came from.

(He did later get several diagnoses. That's not normal.)

What kind of diagnoses?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Confirm with pediatrician that he’s within the bounds of normal.

Read 1-2-3 Magic. He’s at the perfect age to get started.

I'm calling the pediatrician on Monday. Again, I'm a FTM, so it might be normal, but I am also frightened by the schrills. I get anxiety when he comes home. He is a bully towards me, and when I try and correct him, he fall out flat, screams, wails, flails and it goes on and on for long periods of time. If you walked passed the house, I would think he was being abused. I'm afraid to take him places. Not sure if this is 2 or a major concern. I heard about tantrums but experiencing them first hand is scary to me.

Your two-year-old child cannot "bully" you.

It is not unusual for a toddler to fall out flat, scream, wail, and flail for long periods of time when they don't get their way.

I urge you to find a parenting class and to look into therapy. It's not normal to be afraid of a toddler. You need to find out what's behind that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The kicking and screaming. Flailing and wailing at the top of his lungs. Doesn’t do as told. Anyone found a solution to this. Links books anything. Im a FTM. Not sure to what extent this is normal or should he be evaluated.

Physical violence is absolutely abnormal, and a huge red flag. What do you think is going on? How much sleep is he getting? Does he need a more consistent routine? His behavior needs to be your priority right now. He must learn that he will obey his parents. Is his father at home?

Op?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Confirm with pediatrician that he’s within the bounds of normal.

Read 1-2-3 Magic. He’s at the perfect age to get started.

I'm calling the pediatrician on Monday. Again, I'm a FTM, so it might be normal, but I am also frightened by the schrills. I get anxiety when he comes home. He is a bully towards me, and when I try and correct him, he fall out flat, screams, wails, flails and it goes on and on for long periods of time. If you walked passed the house, I would think he was being abused. I'm afraid to take him places. Not sure if this is 2 or a major concern. I heard about tantrums but experiencing them first hand is scary to me.

Preschool teacher of two year olds here. Kids this age are developing their self-regulation skills. Their impulses get the better of them, and they can kick and scream when they are overwhelmed. It isn’t fun, but some of this is typical.

The adult needs to help the child regulate their feelings. This is called co-regulation. You need to develop the capacity to remain calm, and share your calm with the child. https://www.theottoolbox.com/co-regulation/

Also, if your child’s upset is extreme, it could mean that they have some developmental issue. Your pediatrician can help with ideas for follow up. Also, each state or county has infant and toddler services for children with special needs. This is required by law, IDEA (Individuals with Disabilities Education Act), part of public school systems. This agency can evaluate if the child’s behavior indicates a special need, and then plan and provide activities to help the child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Confirm with pediatrician that he’s within the bounds of normal.

Read 1-2-3 Magic. He’s at the perfect age to get started.

I'm calling the pediatrician on Monday. Again, I'm a FTM, so it might be normal, but I am also frightened by the schrills. I get anxiety when he comes home. He is a bully towards me, and when I try and correct him, he fall out flat, screams, wails, flails and it goes on and on for long periods of time. If you walked passed the house, I would think he was being abused. I'm afraid to take him places. Not sure if this is 2 or a major concern. I heard about tantrums but experiencing them first hand is scary to me.

Your two-year-old child cannot "bully" you.

It is not unusual for a toddler to fall out flat, scream, wail, and flail for long periods of time when they don't get their way.

I urge you to find a parenting class and to look into therapy. It's not normal to be afraid of a toddler. You need to find out what's behind that.

+1 you need parenting classes. You need to be the parent, not just a friendly helper and companion. This means setting boundaries, enforcing rules about behavior, often repeatedly, and not caving even once, all the while repeating unconditional love and support despite the outbursts and while requiring correction. You must also be calm and strong to do this, imagine you are a doctor or a firefighter in an emergency. You be the calm one who recognizes things are not that dire and just does what needs to be done.

Also recognize that often kids need to cry. I actually think kids need to cry almost as much as they need to laugh at this age. They are adapting to the wide range of feelings they are getting everyday and have to flex those muscles. You show love for them by being there for them but NOT by attempting to fix it (usually impossible with a toddler, anyway, since their demands are illogical, like wanting to sled on snow in summer.)

Every child goes through this phase and they are looking for you to be the strong support for them. The one who calmly says I love you but no in the face of the tantrum. This is where parenting gets intense. It gets better the firmer you are and your reactions now will set the tone for the next 20 years. It is draining. You have to detach yourself a bit and believe in yourself, believe you are in charge. It definitely gets better around 4 when they can negotiate and handle their feelings more.

Also, a couple things you can do to begin to encourage more reasonable behavior::
Stick to a routine schedule that looks something like:
breakfast, activity, snacking, activity, lunch, nap, snack, play, dinner, bath, bed.
Make outings early - around 9am and try to be outside every morning by 8-9 to help with bedtime.
Keep afternoons more low key.
Limit stimulating activities like playgrounds/playgroups to 45 mins or so.
Recognize when he is getting tired/hungry/thirsty etc. trust your instinct. He may not want yo stop doing an activity but if you see signs of crankiness your job to pull the plug, even if he cries upon leaving which they often do. It passes quickly.

Finally, Don’t be embarrassed about him tantrumming in public (or private). It has happened to all of us. Most parents have football carried a toddler out of a store or park. Most of the people watching you are in sympathy thinking I’ve been there. It’s nothing yo be ashamed of or feel like a failure for. In fact, by not giving in to your toddler you are being a good parent not a bad one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Confirm with pediatrician that he’s within the bounds of normal.

Read 1-2-3 Magic. He’s at the perfect age to get started.

I'm calling the pediatrician on Monday. Again, I'm a FTM, so it might be normal, but I am also frightened by the schrills. I get anxiety when he comes home. He is a bully towards me, and when I try and correct him, he fall out flat, screams, wails, flails and it goes on and on for long periods of time. If you walked passed the house, I would think he was being abused. I'm afraid to take him places. Not sure if this is 2 or a major concern. I heard about tantrums but experiencing them first hand is scary to me.

Your two-year-old child cannot "bully" you.

It is not unusual for a toddler to fall out flat, scream, wail, and flail for long periods of time when they don't get their way.

I urge you to find a parenting class and to look into therapy. It's not normal to be afraid of a toddler. You need to find out what's behind that.

+1 you need parenting classes. You need to be the parent, not just a friendly helper and companion. This means setting boundaries, enforcing rules about behavior, often repeatedly, and not caving even once, all the while repeating unconditional love and support despite the outbursts and while requiring correction. You must also be calm and strong to do this, imagine you are a doctor or a firefighter in an emergency. You be the calm one who recognizes things are not that dire and just does what needs to be done.

Also recognize that often kids need to cry. I actually think kids need to cry almost as much as they need to laugh at this age. They are adapting to the wide range of feelings they are getting everyday and have to flex those muscles. You show love for them by being there for them but NOT by attempting to fix it (usually impossible with a toddler, anyway, since their demands are illogical, like wanting to sled on snow in summer.)

Every child goes through this phase and they are looking for you to be the strong support for them. The one who calmly says I love you but no in the face of the tantrum. This is where parenting gets intense. It gets better the firmer you are and your reactions now will set the tone for the next 20 years. It is draining. You have to detach yourself a bit and believe in yourself, believe you are in charge. It definitely gets better around 4 when they can negotiate and handle their feelings more.

Also, a couple things you can do to begin to encourage more reasonable behavior::
Stick to a routine schedule that looks something like:
breakfast, activity, snacking, activity, lunch, nap, snack, play, dinner, bath, bed.
Make outings early - around 9am and try to be outside every morning by 8-9 to help with bedtime.
Keep afternoons more low key.
Limit stimulating activities like playgrounds/playgroups to 45 mins or so.
Recognize when he is getting tired/hungry/thirsty etc. trust your instinct. He may not want yo stop doing an activity but if you see signs of crankiness your job to pull the plug, even if he cries upon leaving which they often do. It passes quickly.

Finally, Don’t be embarrassed about him tantrumming in public (or private). It has happened to all of us. Most parents have football carried a toddler out of a store or park. Most of the people watching you are in sympathy thinking I’ve been there. It’s nothing yo be ashamed of or feel like a failure for. In fact, by not giving in to your toddler you are being a good parent not a bad one.

This is great advice. And OP, don’t worry if you’re not able to be calm and strong and patient all the time. It’s hard, really hard, especially with your first kid. But routine really helps, especially sticking to it in the face of tantrums, and a consistently calm caregiver (routine can help with this too). We can’t know without seeing if your toddler’s tantrums are outside the range of normal (going to the ped is a great plan!) but as a FTM with a nuerotypical now 3yo I can say that I also struggled with the terrible twos at first. 3.5 is much easier for me.

[Anonymous]

You will long for age 2 once DC is a three-nager and then rolls into 4. Boarding school for PK4 should be a thing.
Signed - mom to three actual teens born within 3-1/2 years. Teens are easier than 3 & 4!

[Anonymous]

Haha damn, I thought this was going to be one of those stories about a kid seeing ghosts / dead relatives

[Anonymous]

Some very good advice on this thread, OP. Also, where is his father and what role does he play? Consistency is important.