My mother is my sister

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Could be the same person looking for advice. I realize there's differences but given the situation, maybe that's understandable. Not everyone would want to put the full story "out there".. and maybe changed the details a little.

That's true, but it just seemed a bit like the person was trying to stir up trouble on the other thread and now the weird therapy back and forth is starting again. OP, if you're really seeking advice on whether or not to tell your husband, here's mine: tell him. Secrets corrode from the inside out.

[Anonymous]

@22:11
Thank you. That post brought tears to my eyes. I think I will talk to someone. My husband is very loving and supportive. I don't doubt he will support me, I just don't want him to see me differently.
PP that's really hurtful that you are calling bs on my post. I came to dcum because it's anonymous, and because I needed to tell someone. I feel sad. My mom has been frightened to tell me because she thought I would hate her. My mom just survived cancer and she is worrying about how I FEEL. If you think I'm lying ask Jeff. This is ridiculous that i'm having to defend myself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:@22:11
Thank you. That post brought tears to my eyes. I think I will talk to someone. My husband is very loving and supportive. I don't doubt he will support me, I just don't want him to see me differently.
PP that's really hurtful that you are calling bs on my post. I came to dcum because it's anonymous, and because I needed to tell someone. I feel sad. My mom has been frightened to tell me because she thought I would hate her. My mom just survived cancer and she is worrying about how I FEEL. If you think I'm lying ask Jeff. This is ridiculous that i'm having to defend myself.

I said I am sorry if I was wrong and also gave you advice: tell your husband. Marriage is about loving one another as you ARE, not as you seem. That means no big secrets from one another. I would not withhold this information from my husband for even a day; I would need to tell him and have his arms around me immediately. No reason to go through something like this alone. Marriage means for better or for worse.

[Anonymous]

22:53 - Not OP, but I don't think you have any business on here. Investigate elsewhere. I can't stand you any more than the grammar police. She might be desperate. Back off.

[Anonymous]

If my DH came and told me something like this - while uh, interesting as a story - I wouldn't think much of it. It really has nothing to do with me. It's his parent(s) issues and if he was ok and not freaked out then I wouldn't get concerned either. I would think his father was an ass and would likely not want to have much to do with him and never, ever leave my child near him

[Anonymous]

Can I just say that I am so sick and tired of those of you who investigate other forums and call bull shit on the OPs, accusing them of posting the same question on other forums etc.

The OP is asking for help, so offer advice or shut the hell up!
If you are so keen on investigating, perhaps you should snoop on your husbands and children instead.

[Anonymous]

I am the one in trouble here for suggesting that OP stay away from the counselors. Look, I am pushing 50 and have seen a ton of this professionally. This habit we have of running out to a counselor when anything happens in life is out of control. OP has clearly said that she feels fine.
She has also said that she is concerned about her husbands reaction, as she should be. She is using her judgment, since she is the one who knows her husband.
To the people who said that they would support their spouses no matter what, that's nice. I think that OP knows that not everyone is so idealistic. I said that if I knew about this BEFORE marriage, I would leave. If I knew after, I would have to tough it out, but I would be angry.

Look OP, just paddle on as they say.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am the one in trouble here for suggesting that OP stay away from the counselors. Look, I am pushing 50 and have seen a ton of this professionally. This habit we have of running out to a counselor when anything happens in life is out of control. OP has clearly said that she feels fine.
She has also said that she is concerned about her husbands reaction, as she should be. She is using her judgment, since she is the one who knows her husband.
To the people who said that they would support their spouses no matter what, that's nice. I think that OP knows that not everyone is so idealistic. I said that if I knew about this BEFORE marriage, I would leave. If I knew after, I would have to tough it out, but I would be angry.

Look OP, just paddle on as they say.

So - are you a therapist?

And how contradictory your views are. First, you basically tell OP that it's fine she not receive therapy. Then, you insert your own opinion by stating that you'd leave if you knew about this situation before marriage - and claim, if you did marry, you'd be angry if you found out later.

You seem jumbled in the head.

[Anonymous]

Yeah, why should OP be blamed for something she had no control over? That is like being angry at someone for having a birth mark or being born in July.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am the one in trouble here for suggesting that OP stay away from the counselors. Look, I am pushing 50 and have seen a ton of this professionally. This habit we have of running out to a counselor when anything happens in life is out of control. OP has clearly said that she feels fine.
She has also said that she is concerned about her husbands reaction, as she should be. She is using her judgment, since she is the one who knows her husband.
To the people who said that they would support their spouses no matter what, that's nice. I think that OP knows that not everyone is so idealistic. I said that if I knew about this BEFORE marriage, I would leave. If I knew after, I would have to tough it out, but I would be angry.

Look OP, just paddle on as they say.

So - are you a therapist?

And how contradictory your views are. First, you basically tell OP that it's fine she not receive therapy. Then, you insert your own opinion by stating that you'd leave if you knew about this situation before marriage - and claim, if you did marry, you'd be angry if you found out later.

You seem jumbled in the head.

I won't ramp this up...

I said that if I knew about these problems in a family, it would be a big turn off, and I would probably scram. Realistically, from a woman's point of view, if I went out with a man who told me that his father had sex with his daughter, I would worry that the same could happen to my kids. We all have our threshold, and I am sure that there are things that would set you off too.

Can you expain why everyone needs therapy if something bad happens to them (or in this case, something bad happens to someone they know)? If OP wants therapy, then she should get it.

BTW, not everyone is married to a soulmate. Some marriages are actually pretty good, and the two partners don't "share" everything. Believe it or not, people can be happy in situations that seem less than ideal to us.

[Anonymous]

C'mon, Jack. It's Chinatown.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can I just say that I am so sick and tired of those of you who investigate other forums and call bull shit on the OPs, accusing them of posting the same question on other forums etc.

The OP is asking for help, so offer advice or shut the hell up!
If you are so keen on investigating, perhaps you should snoop on your husbands and children instead.

Eh, whatever. I gave advice even though I do think it's bullshit. Guess what? I'm allowed to post my opinion just like OP is allowed to start ridiculous posts to either get off on the responses or rile people up. So, you can deal.

My husband and child do not write things anonymously or otherwise give me any reason to investigate them or "snoop," as you say. I can't believe I'm the only person who smells bullshit.

[Anonymous]

Second I hate the psuedo-investigator. She should be thrown off the boards. Along with the grammar police. We don't care about her opinion. She discredits herself.

[Anonymous]

Really tired of people calling other people trolls arbitrarily. Posters should feel free to post.

[Anonymous]

22:11, I'm sorry. It sounds like you had a bad experience with a counselor. Whether or not the counselor was a bad one or you were unwilling to work with him/her, certainly would effect that relationship. However, many, many people have had excellent results from working with therapists. I saw a wonderful therapist for nine months, and it changed my life. It enabled me to deal with my past and move forward.