Indian Matchmaking Season 3

[Anonymous]

So many thoughts! Some spoilers ahead …


I love Sima. Agree she is elegant and poised, and she seems to have selected a caring and supportive partner for herself and it was lovely to see her daughters and granddaughter.

Jamal’s ring was stunning but more shocking to me was how seemingly blasé Viral’s BF was about buying her outrageously expensive jewelry.

Every season there is a guy (it’s always a guy) like the doctor from Davis, CA who expects a Ms Perfect but is unreasonable and inflexible and can’t see that he himself is not close to perfect.

Finally getting insight into Miss India’s personality, I can see why Sima set her up with the guy in the prior season. They are both gorgeous but “heads in the clouds” and too dependent on their parents. She is not at all ready for marriage, I hope working with the life coach is helping her see that.

Enjoyed seeing a Nadia update! She’s another example of someone who seems so darling and ready for a match but something must hold her back - I hope her new guy works out.

All of the match candidates on this show seem immature, but usually charming, too

PS - bring back Aparna!

[Anonymous]

Nadia was not on this season. That was Shital.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nadia was not on this season. That was Shital.

You are right - I thought she just had a haircut and she is also from NJ 😂. I don’t remember Shital from prior seasons, but she was darling here as always was Nadia, IMO. My opinions were meant for Nadia, not Shital, and now I want a Nadia update.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nadia was not on this season. That was Shital.

You are right - I thought she just had a haircut and she is also from NJ 😂. I don’t remember Shital from prior seasons, but she was darling here as always was Nadia, IMO. My opinions were meant for Nadia, not Shital, and now I want a Nadia update.

Agree Nadia was awesome!

[Anonymous]

I like that they show couples that started with arranged marriages and then fell in love but I wonder how often this approach works out?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I like that they show couples that started with arranged marriages and then fell in love but I wonder how often this approach works out?

Pretty much always. It's such a different mindset and mode of operation. But they almost always have a lot of love and respect, and they stay married.

And this must be much less true these days, even in india.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I like that they show couples that started with arranged marriages and then fell in love but I wonder how often this approach works out?

Pretty much always. It's such a different mindset and mode of operation. But they almost always have a lot of love and respect, and they stay married.

And this must be much less true these days, even in india.

Almost always? Ha, noooo. But more often than not it worked out really well and people were as happy as anyone else. Of course in previous generations “worked out” meant just that they stayed together. So there could also be a lot of dysfunction, abuse, etc in a couple that “worked out”. But I would still say that in large part people were not more unhappy than others and certainly (no research to cite), older couples in love marriages may have had to deal with a lot of issues due to how insular things were back then (different castes, languages, not getting parents approval etc).

I know couples who should be divorced because they are just a bad match (no abuse) and I know ones who truly fell in love after marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I like that they show couples that started with arranged marriages and then fell in love but I wonder how often this approach works out?

Pretty much always. It's such a different mindset and mode of operation. But they almost always have a lot of love and respect, and they stay married.

And this must be much less true these days, even in india.

Almost always? Ha, noooo. But more often than not it worked out really well and people were as happy as anyone else. Of course in previous generations “worked out” meant just that they stayed together. So there could also be a lot of dysfunction, abuse, etc in a couple that “worked out”. But I would still say that in large part people were not more unhappy than others and certainly (no research to cite), older couples in love marriages may have had to deal with a lot of issues due to how insular things were back then (different castes, languages, not getting parents approval etc).

I know couples who should be divorced because they are just a bad match (no abuse) and I know ones who truly fell in love after marriage.

Agree to disagree

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I like that they show couples that started with arranged marriages and then fell in love but I wonder how often this approach works out?

Pretty much always. It's such a different mindset and mode of operation. But they almost always have a lot of love and respect, and they stay married.

And this must be much less true these days, even in india.

Almost always? Ha, noooo. But more often than not it worked out really well and people were as happy as anyone else. Of course in previous generations “worked out” meant just that they stayed together. So there could also be a lot of dysfunction, abuse, etc in a couple that “worked out”. But I would still say that in large part people were not more unhappy than others and certainly (no research to cite), older couples in love marriages may have had to deal with a lot of issues due to how insular things were back then (different castes, languages, not getting parents approval etc).

I know couples who should be divorced because they are just a bad match (no abuse) and I know ones who truly fell in love after marriage.

Agree to disagree

I guess so? I didn’t say they never work out. I think more often than not, they do. But I question how you would know they “almost always” do, given the cultural and structural barriers to divorce that existed. Seems to be an overly simplistic way of looking at it, IMO.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I like that they show couples that started with arranged marriages and then fell in love but I wonder how often this approach works out?

Pretty much always. It's such a different mindset and mode of operation. But they almost always have a lot of love and respect, and they stay married.

And this must be much less true these days, even in india.

Almost always? Ha, noooo. But more often than not it worked out really well and people were as happy as anyone else. Of course in previous generations “worked out” meant just that they stayed together. So there could also be a lot of dysfunction, abuse, etc in a couple that “worked out”. But I would still say that in large part people were not more unhappy than others and certainly (no research to cite), older couples in love marriages may have had to deal with a lot of issues due to how insular things were back then (different castes, languages, not getting parents approval etc).

I know couples who should be divorced because they are just a bad match (no abuse) and I know ones who truly fell in love after marriage.

Agree to disagree

I guess so? I didn’t say they never work out. I think more often than not, they do. But I question how you would know they “almost always” do, given the cultural and structural barriers to divorce that existed. Seems to be an overly simplistic way of looking at it, IMO.

You guess so? Ok. LMAO

Yeah sorry I think that in these types of arranged marriages that they featured on the show there is almost always a great deal of love and respect. Like the couples they interviewed, if you ask them, did it work out the same way for most of your peers? I think they would say, I know some cases where it did not work, but yes, almost always.

I guess I'm just really simple and if I were a sophisticated as you, I would have a different take!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel sorry for math teacher guy

Indian American DP. Agree. I am not finished the season but the way Priya spoke about him after was not nice. He was too enthusiastic about everything, and he shouldn’t have worn heels to that dancing first date. But, she was making fun with her friends because he was short.

Those who want and also have what is rewarded in traditional Indian culture (e.g., high paying job, same caste) should do this matchmaking. Others would do better on their own. There are tons of Indians who don’t want those things and they would be happier with them or someone not Indian.

This show also gives me a view into why some people are single when they don’t want to be. Vikash at first glance seems like a catch but he’s a mess. He is focusing on the silliest things. The lists that people give with their criteria are crazy.

I haven’t had to date in the online world but I bet my husband and I wouldn’t have connected . We don’t have too many common interests but we have the same worldview, sense of humor, thoughts on family, and thoughts on how to balance family and work. That is what made us work and most couples I know. The other stuff is not important. A man bun is temporary. Who cares if he loves cricket or doesn’t?

I agree with this. Watching this season, it illuminates that there is always a reason the person is single. An issue that they need to work on. I don't want to give it away because it's an aspect that develops later in the season, but that beautiful model girl from New Delhi (Rupali?) -- at first I was totally charmed by how close she is to her parents and how she doesn't want to leave them. I see myself and my DD in her..... but by the end, you learn more about her, and it's like WOW. Issues. Issues that need to be resolved. She is a great person but these issues are why she is not married yet.

Most of these people-- it's not that their "criteria" is too high. It's that they really minimize their own flaws and how much people may be turned off by them. Especially with the guys-- won't look at a girl whose not thin or traditionally beautiful, but it's fine what I look like because" a) actually you know I'm not bad looking and b) but my other qualities are sooo great." They are willing to make concessions for themselves but not for others. And I think you continue to be single and never compromise- usually if there's an underlying issue causing that attitude.

I wonder if Rushali has an intensely strong attachment to her parents because she was sent away to boarding school at age 4. She’s tethered to them now because she already “lost” them when she was very young and was sent away. She may be stunted in that way. My alternate working theory is that she is gay and is self sabotaging prospective men and delaying marrying because she is attracted to women.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I like that they show couples that started with arranged marriages and then fell in love but I wonder how often this approach works out?

Pretty much always. It's such a different mindset and mode of operation. But they almost always have a lot of love and respect, and they stay married.

And this must be much less true these days, even in india.

Almost always? Ha, noooo. But more often than not it worked out really well and people were as happy as anyone else. Of course in previous generations “worked out” meant just that they stayed together. So there could also be a lot of dysfunction, abuse, etc in a couple that “worked out”. But I would still say that in large part people were not more unhappy than others and certainly (no research to cite), older couples in love marriages may have had to deal with a lot of issues due to how insular things were back then (different castes, languages, not getting parents approval etc).

I know couples who should be divorced because they are just a bad match (no abuse) and I know ones who truly fell in love after marriage.

Agree to disagree

I guess so? I didn’t say they never work out. I think more often than not, they do. But I question how you would know they “almost always” do, given the cultural and structural barriers to divorce that existed. Seems to be an overly simplistic way of looking at it, IMO.

You guess so? Ok. LMAO

Yeah sorry I think that in these types of arranged marriages that they featured on the show there is almost always a great deal of love and respect. Like the couples they interviewed, if you ask them, did it work out the same way for most of your peers? I think they would say, I know some cases where it did not work, but yes, almost always.

I guess I'm just really simple and if I were a sophisticated as you, I would have a different take!

I think you are, sorry. Are you talking about the specific marriages featured or generally? Generally, there were so many compromises in so many marriages. Some were fine, some weren’t. To say that any arranged marriage is “almost always” happy is hilarious. And I’m not anti-arranged marriage at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I like that they show couples that started with arranged marriages and then fell in love but I wonder how often this approach works out?

Pretty much always. It's such a different mindset and mode of operation. But they almost always have a lot of love and respect, and they stay married.

And this must be much less true these days, even in india.

Almost always? Ha, noooo. But more often than not it worked out really well and people were as happy as anyone else. Of course in previous generations “worked out” meant just that they stayed together. So there could also be a lot of dysfunction, abuse, etc in a couple that “worked out”. But I would still say that in large part people were not more unhappy than others and certainly (no research to cite), older couples in love marriages may have had to deal with a lot of issues due to how insular things were back then (different castes, languages, not getting parents approval etc).

I know couples who should be divorced because they are just a bad match (no abuse) and I know ones who truly fell in love after marriage.

Agree to disagree

I guess so? I didn’t say they never work out. I think more often than not, they do. But I question how you would know they “almost always” do, given the cultural and structural barriers to divorce that existed. Seems to be an overly simplistic way of looking at it, IMO.

You guess so? Ok. LMAO

Yeah sorry I think that in these types of arranged marriages that they featured on the show there is almost always a great deal of love and respect. Like the couples they interviewed, if you ask them, did it work out the same way for most of your peers? I think they would say, I know some cases where it did not work, but yes, almost always.

I guess I'm just really simple and if I were a sophisticated as you, I would have a different take!

I think you are, sorry. Are you talking about the specific marriages featured or generally? Generally, there were so many compromises in so many marriages. Some were fine, some weren’t. To say that any arranged marriage is “almost always” happy is hilarious. And I’m not anti-arranged marriage at all.

At least I can just say "agree to disagree" that we have different opinions based on our experiences and not insult someone's else's intelligence and perspective just because it doesn't EXACTLY match mine... The semantics of "more often than not" vs "almost always" doesn't seem worth it to me. But, I'm pretty happy and well-adjusted, so there's that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I like that they show couples that started with arranged marriages and then fell in love but I wonder how often this approach works out?

I think it matters what you mean by "work out"? Stay married? Nearly always. Work together like a business partnership? Often. Feel love in the way we define it in the west? Probably not at marriages at 5 year mark. But maybe a lot more at the 50 year mark.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel sorry for math teacher guy

Indian American DP. Agree. I am not finished the season but the way Priya spoke about him after was not nice. He was too enthusiastic about everything, and he shouldn’t have worn heels to that dancing first date. But, she was making fun with her friends because he was short.

Those who want and also have what is rewarded in traditional Indian culture (e.g., high paying job, same caste) should do this matchmaking. Others would do better on their own. There are tons of Indians who don’t want those things and they would be happier with them or someone not Indian.

This show also gives me a view into why some people are single when they don’t want to be. Vikash at first glance seems like a catch but he’s a mess. He is focusing on the silliest things. The lists that people give with their criteria are crazy.

I haven’t had to date in the online world but I bet my husband and I wouldn’t have connected . We don’t have too many common interests but we have the same worldview, sense of humor, thoughts on family, and thoughts on how to balance family and work. That is what made us work and most couples I know. The other stuff is not important. A man bun is temporary. Who cares if he loves cricket or doesn’t?

I agree with this. Watching this season, it illuminates that there is always a reason the person is single. An issue that they need to work on. I don't want to give it away because it's an aspect that develops later in the season, but that beautiful model girl from New Delhi (Rupali?) -- at first I was totally charmed by how close she is to her parents and how she doesn't want to leave them. I see myself and my DD in her..... but by the end, you learn more about her, and it's like WOW. Issues. Issues that need to be resolved. She is a great person but these issues are why she is not married yet.

Most of these people-- it's not that their "criteria" is too high. It's that they really minimize their own flaws and how much people may be turned off by them. Especially with the guys-- won't look at a girl whose not thin or traditionally beautiful, but it's fine what I look like because" a) actually you know I'm not bad looking and b) but my other qualities are sooo great." They are willing to make concessions for themselves but not for others. And I think you continue to be single and never compromise- usually if there's an underlying issue causing that attitude.

I wonder if Rushali has an intensely strong attachment to her parents because she was sent away to boarding school at age 4. She’s tethered to them now because she already “lost” them when she was very young and was sent away. She may be stunted in that way. My alternate working theory is that she is gay and is self sabotaging prospective men and delaying marrying because she is attracted to women.

The idea that Rushali wanted to stay close due to all the family discord in her youth didn't make a lot of sense to me.