DC overwhelmed with college decision

[Anonymous]

Good luck, OP. As a parent, I think I would step in a bit to make sure no balls are dropped given the paralyzing anxiety. Hopefully that would give your kid space to calm down and process the changes.

[Anonymous]

I have heard set up a time (like Sunday night) where you will talk about schools, and keep your promise not to bring it up other than that time.

Say, calmly, honey you did a great job with the application process and I know you will want a gameplan for next year. Let's pick a time when we can open the emails, and plan next steps. This is a lot, so I will only bring it up then. How does that sound?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Senior year has been my son's hardest year. He has diagnosed ADHD and suspected autism (he's getting tested this week). I suspect it's a combination of two things:
1. College admissions were very stressful, not just in themselves, but because he realized his life was going to change entirely next year, and there's anticipatory stress.
2. He's been a late bloomer in terms of adolescent rebellion, and I believe it's starting now, which isn't helping at all.

So he's not at the point of yours, but I've had to be very persuasive and directive.

I'm sorry, OP. I hope your son will come around.

Can I ask what “suspected autism” looks like that’s just potentially being diagnosed at age 17/18? I wonder about my 17 yr old DS sometimes but I may be totally off track.

[Anonymous]

I have a kid with anxiety who had a terrible time picking a school. What somewhat helped is discussions about the possibility of transferring if they were unhappy at the chosen school after the first year. I think they were overwhelmed thinking they were making a decision on where they were going to be for the next four years. While I hoped they were happy and didn't transfer, I did want them to know it was an option and they shouldn't feel wedded to the choice they made at 17. Thankfully they have been happy with their choice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Senior year has been my son's hardest year. He has diagnosed ADHD and suspected autism (he's getting tested this week). I suspect it's a combination of two things:
1. College admissions were very stressful, not just in themselves, but because he realized his life was going to change entirely next year, and there's anticipatory stress.
2. He's been a late bloomer in terms of adolescent rebellion, and I believe it's starting now, which isn't helping at all.

So he's not at the point of yours, but I've had to be very persuasive and directive.

I'm sorry, OP. I hope your son will come around.

Can I ask what “suspected autism” looks like that’s just potentially being diagnosed at age 17/18? I wonder about my 17 yr old DS sometimes but I may be totally off track.

I was curious about this, too, and why this indicated autism. Sounds like he is paralyzed / overwhelmed with indecision so shutting down in order not to deal with it. I can relate but did not interpret this as a sign of autism.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tell him that all of the schools are great choices, but that if he doesn’t decide differently, the default choice is the least expensive. That is the one you will commit to and pay the deposit for at the decision deadline.

The default choice will be none of the above, because he hasn't made a decision and his spot is going to be released on May 1.

The PP is advising that they will default send the deposit and acceptance to the least expensive of schools he picked.

[Anonymous]

I helped both my kids with lots of college stuff until they were juniors in college.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had a similar situation with my DD who graduated HS in 2021.
She got into her ED school in December of 2020. She then ignored it for the longest time...I tried not to be concerned because nothing really happens until after May 1. But May 1 came and went and she was not checking the website, etc.

I had access to her email (w/permission) and so I got on there and realized that she had not even OPENED any emails from her school, let alone signed up for the placement tests or checked into housing.

Long story short; previously undiagnosed ADHD and I ended up hiring an educational consultant to teach her some executive functioning skills and walk through the enrollment process with her.

She is at a top 10 school, in her second year, and other than having a horribly messy dorm room, she is doing fine, OP. She does not need me to assist her at all. (Except when she comes home, she does revert but I hear that most kids do)

At the advice of her therapist, we did get her tested again a few weeks ago, and she came back on the spectrum (High Functioning Autism, or ASD 1, or formerly known as Asbergers). We don't have the final report yet so I'm not sure if the ADHD diagnosis still stands or if the ASD diagnosis explains it.

Anyways I am going to the trouble to explain all this because I don't think the answer to paralysis is to offer a gap year because that's like offering more paralysis. I think when in the "river" it's easy to float downstream, but if sidelined, it's hard to get anywhere.

HTH!

THIS. similar situation in 2021, DC was thrilled to be accepted to first choice RD. But then Did Nothing. Transitions were always difficult, and moving to college is one of the biggest.
I basically did the same PP. Opened up the emails, got her moving forward....
Also got them therapy down the road, but I just knew that deferral, delay, gap year was NOT the answer. They just needed the right nudging. Some would say I was a helicopter, they would be right. But those same people would also say They are Not Ready for 4 years! That is jumping the gun in an extreme way.
They are now wrapping up her Sophomore year, pulling 3.7 GPA, going into second internship this summer. So they are 100% doing fine.
Only you know your kid OP, and what the best course of action is.