When people say 'I am lucky/ privileged to be able to' - does it make you feel any better?

[Anonymous]

It’s their way of trying an acceptable way to brag. But there isn’t an acceptable way. I’m just embarrassed for them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I spoke to a fellow mom recently who told me 'I'm privileged to be able to stay at home with the kids'. While I understand why she said it and what she was getting at, it felt very odd in the moment. In fact it made me reflexively want to end the conversation as soon as possible. Does this qualifier actually make anyone feel better? Am i broken?

I think it is probably well intentioned.

She may be a feminist and showing respect for the fact that not all women have this choice.

Most people need two incomes to live in our area, and she is acknowledging that being able to live off one income is a privilege.

[Anonymous]

Feel that you're reading as virtue signaling which yes, would want to end conversation in that context.

Without more context, difficult to judge. Definitely over the word privilege.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How would you prefer she say it?

op - i guess i would prefer she didn't say it at all.
we have a beach house but i would never say 'we are privileged to have a beach house' - sounds just.. terrible

Is there any way in which she can communicate to you that she is primarily engaged in caring for her own children rather than working for pay that will not personally offend your sensibilities?

Have you never told anyone that you own a beach house?

How about a simple, declaratory, “I stay home with my kids”?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s their way of trying an acceptable way to brag. But there isn’t an acceptable way. I’m just embarrassed for them.

this.

[Anonymous]

I hate this type of language. We have friends who talk about their lives like this all the time, as if they somehow are living a better life than everyone else. Financially and materially they are, but that's not all there is in life. For example, I am very privileged to be living an ethical and honest life even though I'm poor. But I don't go around rubbing it in everyone's face.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hate this type of language. We have friends who talk about their lives like this all the time, as if they somehow are living a better life than everyone else. Financially and materially they are, but that's not all there is in life. For example, I am very privileged to be living an ethical and honest life even though I'm poor. But I don't go around rubbing it in everyone's face.

Lol love this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It depends a lot. Context is everything and it really depends on why the are saying it.

Sometimes people complain about problems that they only have because they are quite privileged. Like complaining that you can't decide which of two custom sofas will look best in your brand new home in a good neighborhood. If someone was complaining about this and said, with some humor, "Look I get I'm super privileged to even have this silly problem!" it does actually make me feel warmer to them because it demonstrates some self awareness. Certainly better than them acting like this problem is comparable to the much more challenging choices less privileged people have to make all the time.

On the other hand, if someone is bragging about their great life, their successful kids, how wonderful everything is, and then says, "of course I know I'm lucky to have all this," it just sounds like an extension of the brag. I have so much and it's wonderful, and also I'm even aware of how wonderful it is and that many, many other people don't have nearly as much wonderful $hit in their lives! In that case, I would also think a little less of them. It's like appearing self-aware without actually being self-aware, because a truly self-aware person doesn't brag about how great their life is, and especially not to people who are not as fortunate.

Just admit that you don't like that person. She would have trouble deciding between two couches from IKEA or Craigslist too. You just don't like her. Or anyone.

A little touchy about this one, aren't we?

I specifically said I'd find someone like this self aware and relatable. I actually love weighing on on people's furniture decisions as I enjoy home design. I like a lot of people, though maybe not you.

[Anonymous]

It means that you're lucky that you were born into a good family with good parents who put you in a good neighborhood with a good school that helped you make good connections/friends that helped you grow in a good environment without any dysfunction/trauma/poverty etc that would have deterred you from going off to a good college to meet a good man who can afford to make you stay home with the kids.

Other moms aren't as fortunate and have to work to provide for their kids and themselves. My mom worked hard manual labor to help with the bills as my dad ran around with other women when he would say he worked. You have it good so good!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It means that you're lucky that you were born into a good family with good parents who put you in a good neighborhood with a good school that helped you make good connections/friends that helped you grow in a good environment without any dysfunction/trauma/poverty etc that would have deterred you from going off to a good college to meet a good man who can afford to make you stay home with the kids.

Other moms aren't as fortunate and have to work to provide for their kids and themselves. My mom worked hard manual labor to help with the bills as my dad ran around with other women when he would say he worked. You have it good so good!

Everybody's got something. Don't be so judgey.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It means that you're lucky that you were born into a good family with good parents who put you in a good neighborhood with a good school that helped you make good connections/friends that helped you grow in a good environment without any dysfunction/trauma/poverty etc that would have deterred you from going off to a good college to meet a good man who can afford to make you stay home with the kids.

Other moms aren't as fortunate and have to work to provide for their kids and themselves. My mom worked hard manual labor to help with the bills as my dad ran around with other women when he would say he worked. You have it good so good!

I mean, not all SAHMs have perfect lives free of dysfunction/trauma/poverty, are college graduates, or are married to "good men" who make a lot of money. Lots of women are SAHMs because they lack other, better options.

[Anonymous]

it is BEYOND smug and cringe.

[Anonymous]

I am a long-time SAHM. When I get asked what I do, I say “I’m a stay at home mom” I don’t make excuses why I am, but neither do I act like I’m something special when I’m not. I use the same tone you would use to say “I’m a teacher/accountant/physicist.” I’ve never gotten a rude comment about it a I’ve been one for 15 years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's taking the place of "blessed" which implies some sort of divine decision making, when in reality you are just rich.

I don't know about that.

Some of my friends who are stay at home moms would have loved to continue working. They confided in me that they actually felt like the walls were closing in on them when they had newborns and children and a husband and no career.

It could be a way of saying they know they're supposed to feel privileged and lucky and blessed, and they also have their own share of struggles and challenges and problems. But they know no one cares and no one wants to hear them complaining.

[Anonymous]

It can be said in a bragging, tone deaf way - #blessed #grateful

Or it can be said in a humble way that acknowledges that staying home with kids is not a choice available to all families. If sincere, this use can convey that she is not judging you for not staying home and acknowledges that she has the option through privilege and/or luck, as opposed to hard work or being more worthy.