The 3pm meal

[Anonymous]

This is the opposite problem I have with visiting ILs -- they seem to want a sit-down hot meal every couple of hours. It's insane.

If I eat a big breakfast at 10am or so, I'm not eating again till dinner around 6.

They want the big breakfast and then immediately start talking about where we're going for lunch. AND they're still up for dinner at 6. And they're not huge -- but they eat. A lot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What does it mean that it “tears up your day”? It’s not sufficient to eat a really light or no lunch since you know this is coming?

I think it means that people tend to break up their weekends into Morning, Afternoon, and Evening activities. A 3pm dinner means that the Afternoon and Evening slots are being taken up with one event. Example: Saturday is date night. You've got a babysitter want to do dinner at your favorite spot or try a new restaurant and then see a show. But you just ate dinner at 3. So what are you going to do in the meantime before the show. Or, dinner starts at three but doesn't end until 5:30 and you don't have enough time or energy to go and attend a later show. Or, your kids do sports or activities in the mornings and are ravenous afterwards. Then Grandma gets her feelings hurt when they pick at her meal because they just ate lunch. Personally, I think that withholding or limiting food from children, during natural mealtimes when they are hungry, to please someone else isn't a good thing to model outside of special occasions like Thanksgiving.

Op - this. I have a zillion things I need to achieve and dinner at this time eats up 2 slots - plus I have to feed the kids at their usual lunchtime so then it’s totally random time to eat. I don’t want to linger for hours trying to get my kids to behave and talk to a bunch of elderly ppl

It's definitely a strange time for dinner unless you go to bed at like 7pm. Or if you eat again after dinner. Once in a while (like for a holiday) I would suck it up but if it's every week, I'd ask about doing lunch instead (or dinner at a time that works with the kids' schedules).

op- i would say it happens whenever we visit them for any kind of extended family thing. maybe 5x a year.
I think it triggers me because it sort of implies that the visitor doesn't have anything else going on with their day. our lives are SO hectic with insane work schedule and kids. ILs are retired and do absolutely zero. I think on some level it feels oblivious to the lives of others to me. bc when i make arrangements they typically revolve around and include the visitor in the calculations - eg 'you're coming from an hour or two hours away - what makes sense, a brunch or lunch or dinner?" none of that communication ever happens.

You have 360 other days in the year to do whatever you need to do. This sounds like an overreaction to holidays and family get togethers that happen rarely. Just don't go if you can't be bothered or are so inflexible.

[Anonymous]

For holidays, where it takes a lot of time to prep the meal? Eating at 2pm or 3pm makes sense.

You don't have to stay on a "busy" schedule every single day. Bring a lunch snack for you and the kids, and consider the 3pm as dinner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For holidays, where it takes a lot of time to prep the meal? Eating at 2pm or 3pm makes sense.

You don't have to stay on a "busy" schedule every single day. Bring a lunch snack for you and the kids, and consider the 3pm as dinner.

Op this is any time we see them, includes restaurants. Maybe 1 x per month.
It’s a lot to get kids to engage at what is typically an active time for them, esp bc there are no other kids there. Dh won’t address it. It’s weird bc if we’re my family we’d just communicate about what does and does not work. But he seems reluctant

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For holidays, where it takes a lot of time to prep the meal? Eating at 2pm or 3pm makes sense.

You don't have to stay on a "busy" schedule every single day. Bring a lunch snack for you and the kids, and consider the 3pm as dinner.

Op this is any time we see them, includes restaurants. Maybe 1 x per month.
It’s a lot to get kids to engage at what is typically an active time for them, esp bc there are no other kids there. Dh won’t address it. It’s weird bc if we’re my family we’d just communicate about what does and does not work. But he seems reluctant

Maybe he really enjoys the leisurely meal with his parents. Can you scope out wherever you’re planning to meet next time and take the kids off to a park for part of the time to burn off energy?

[Anonymous]

My local aunt and uncle extend an open invitation for their kids and grandkids, as well as me and my kids that's relatively early on Sundays. Most arrive around 3, dinner is generally served at four. There's time to gather, chat before, during and after dinner. When my kids were little, it was after nap. And now when we go, we show up with a salad or dessert, visit, and are home in plenty of time to catch up on any of the final weekend chores, relax and so forth. I like it! The kids graze later, and I'll maybe have cheese and crackers, an apple and a glass of wine later at home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What does it mean that it “tears up your day”? It’s not sufficient to eat a really light or no lunch since you know this is coming?

I think it means that people tend to break up their weekends into Morning, Afternoon, and Evening activities. A 3pm dinner means that the Afternoon and Evening slots are being taken up with one event. Example: Saturday is date night. You've got a babysitter want to do dinner at your favorite spot or try a new restaurant and then see a show. But you just ate dinner at 3. So what are you going to do in the meantime before the show. Or, dinner starts at three but doesn't end until 5:30 and you don't have enough time or energy to go and attend a later show. Or, your kids do sports or activities in the mornings and are ravenous afterwards. Then Grandma gets her feelings hurt when they pick at her meal because they just ate lunch. Personally, I think that withholding or limiting food from children, during natural mealtimes when they are hungry, to please someone else isn't a good thing to model outside of special occasions like Thanksgiving.

Op - this. I have a zillion things I need to achieve and dinner at this time eats up 2 slots - plus I have to feed the kids at their usual lunchtime so then it’s totally random time to eat. I don’t want to linger for hours trying to get my kids to behave and talk to a bunch of elderly ppl

I think you sound completely ridiculous. When you are visiting them, on that day, give them two of your precious “slots.” Problem solved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What does it mean that it “tears up your day”? It’s not sufficient to eat a really light or no lunch since you know this is coming?

Tell me you don’t have small children that nap without telling me you don’t have small children.

My IL's were like this. Perfect timing for my kids when they napped, since they'd wake up, change diapers, head straight there, as opposed to needing to kill and hour or two and then messing up bedtime.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What does it mean that it “tears up your day”? It’s not sufficient to eat a really light or no lunch since you know this is coming?

Tell me you don’t have small children that nap without telling me you don’t have small children.

My IL's were like this. Perfect timing for my kids when they napped, since they'd wake up, change diapers, head straight there, as opposed to needing to kill and hour or two and then messing up bedtime.

This. Nap in preschool is about 1-2:30. So they wake up and off we go. If we're a bit late, no big deal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For holidays, where it takes a lot of time to prep the meal? Eating at 2pm or 3pm makes sense.

You don't have to stay on a "busy" schedule every single day. Bring a lunch snack for you and the kids, and consider the 3pm as dinner.

Op this is any time we see them, includes restaurants. Maybe 1 x per month.
It’s a lot to get kids to engage at what is typically an active time for them, esp bc there are no other kids there. Dh won’t address it. It’s weird bc if we’re my family we’d just communicate about what does and does not work. But he seems reluctant

I’m with OP because I also see elderly relatives act as though we all have nothing but leisure time all day like they do, and like kids love sitting around talking to old adults for hours with no toys or outside activity. I hope I never forget the reality of having kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For holidays, where it takes a lot of time to prep the meal? Eating at 2pm or 3pm makes sense.

You don't have to stay on a "busy" schedule every single day. Bring a lunch snack for you and the kids, and consider the 3pm as dinner.

Op this is any time we see them, includes restaurants. Maybe 1 x per month.
It’s a lot to get kids to engage at what is typically an active time for them, esp bc there are no other kids there. Dh won’t address it. It’s weird bc if we’re my family we’d just communicate about what does and does not work. But he seems reluctant

I’m with OP because I also see elderly relatives act as though we all have nothing but leisure time all day like they do, and like kids love sitting around talking to old adults for hours with no toys or outside activity. I hope I never forget the reality of having kids.

That has nothing to do with it being 3 p.m.. Also, OP could bring toys.

[Anonymous]

It's actually very healthy. We ate that way in the UK and Spain.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's actually very healthy. We ate that way in the UK and Spain.

Same, many cultures eat that way. Much healthier and less obesity.

[Anonymous]

So my 10yo and I eat at 330 regularly lol. She gets out of school at 3 and it’s when she’s hungriest. Plus activities are right around normal dinner time right now. I get where your coming from though OP, When my kid was younger I told ILs what time worked for us. I don’t understand why when the plan starts getting arranged you say “ 3 doesn’t work that day because Larla has X, but we could do lunch at 12 if that works” If they won’t change the time you all don’t go. Or say that you have plans and let DH take the kids and manage the table behavior and eating schedule.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Whenever we get together with dh family, they insist on eating at 3pm - a multi course meal. Idk if it’s lunch or dinner - but it totally tears up our day and - as full time working parents - we value our days off. Is this normal? My family just does actual lunch or dinner so that ppl can do other things

Why don't you ask them instead of an anonymous chat room?! If you want regular meal times then just tell them that you need to regular meal times. Maybe they don't get up until 10/11 am, so then next meal would be at 3 pm.