The 3pm meal

[Anonymous]

Don’t go as often. This was my entire childhood and my parents might still do this. Church in the morning with something light after. Huge dinner with extended family for hours in the mid afternoon. If we were at my grandmothers, people would be stopping in and out. It was more about the socializing and visiting aspect of it all. They did that around the food. I hated it as a kid but see the value as an adult, although it sounds like a lot of work. We were multi generations of Italian immigrants.

My family does not do this now. We don’t live there anymore and I understand OP. It’s too much weekly on a day off.

[Anonymous]

I understand the time suck, OP. My ILs way of getting us to stay longer was always to set up a time to come over and not start cooking until about an hour later. A meal that should have taken a few hours became half the day. We finally began pinning them down to a smaller window. That's still how we do it even now that the kids are beyond napping age.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I understand the time suck, OP. My ILs way of getting us to stay longer was always to set up a time to come over and not start cooking until about an hour later. A meal that should have taken a few hours became half the day. We finally began pinning them down to a smaller window. That's still how we do it even now that the kids are beyond napping age.

This happens with friends of ours who always want us to come for "dinner" around 6 -- only to find they haven't even begun to prep a meal that will take hours to cook.

We stopped going.

[Anonymous]

Who eats dinner at three? A big lunch as the main meal I understand, but at three PM I do not. Because the world isn't conductive to eating a midday meal at three.

[Anonymous]

My husband has a small family and he finally said no more to the 3pm holiday meal on Sundays. We are the only ones with little kids, and it is always a such a rush and unenjoyable to spend the holidays that way. IL's are an hour away without traffic, bedtime is at 7, it's a school/work night...

Not that I think that it's my way or the highway with kids, but don't tell us that you want to see the grandkids and pout about it, but do absolutely nothing to make it easier for us to come over. No one else in his nuclear family has a reason why dinner couldn't be adjusted by an hour to work better for us.

He tried pushing back (hey mom - you remember what it was like with little ones, can we shoot for 2pm?), we tried just letting it play out and let the kids be overstimulated and off their routine and his mom hated that, and finally, my husband started to use his words and was like nope, won't work for us, maybe we can have you down for lunch next week instead.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband has a small family and he finally said no more to the 3pm holiday meal on Sundays. We are the only ones with little kids, and it is always a such a rush and unenjoyable to spend the holidays that way. IL's are an hour away without traffic, bedtime is at 7, it's a school/work night...

Not that I think that it's my way or the highway with kids, but don't tell us that you want to see the grandkids and pout about it, but do absolutely nothing to make it easier for us to come over. No one else in his nuclear family has a reason why dinner couldn't be adjusted by an hour to work better for us.

He tried pushing back (hey mom - you remember what it was like with little ones, can we shoot for 2pm?), we tried just letting it play out and let the kids be overstimulated and off their routine and his mom hated that, and finally, my husband started to use his words and was like nope, won't work for us, maybe we can have you down for lunch next week instead.

Op -
Wow I am impressed!
Not to mention they now do the meal in a restaurant and were expected to split the bill and none of us will want to eat at that time. Oye.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For holidays, where it takes a lot of time to prep the meal? Eating at 2pm or 3pm makes sense.

You don't have to stay on a "busy" schedule every single day. Bring a lunch snack for you and the kids, and consider the 3pm as dinner.

Op this is any time we see them, includes restaurants. Maybe 1 x per month.
It’s a lot to get kids to engage at what is typically an active time for them, esp bc there are no other kids there. Dh won’t address it. It’s weird bc if we’re my family we’d just communicate about what does and does not work. But he seems reluctant

I’m with OP because I also see elderly relatives act as though we all have nothing but leisure time all day like they do, and like kids love sitting around talking to old adults for hours with no toys or outside activity. I hope I never forget the reality of having kids.

If your kids have nothing to do, that’s on you. You’re the parent. I also wonder what you prioritize over family.

Didn’t you know? Sports, Sports, Sports are what people do to avoid ever having to spend down time with their kids, or see extended family. They’re allllll going to be scholarship soccer players.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op - I’m surprised by those who say I should just tell parents in law their times don’t work for me - feels so rude no? I can’t imagine dh having that direct a conversation w my parents. I have tried to get dh to address it but he doesn’t want to.
Generally my ILs are pretty inflexible and also live over an hours drive away so it’s always stressful. I have no idea why plans are not more collaborative but they don’t seek our input and it does not seem welcome!

So decline the invitation. Always an option. I can’t “imaggggginnnneee” not being able to tell either my parents or my ILs that we need to decline an invitation because the timing doesn’t work for us. If they then ask what would work for us, I’d say X or Y. I’m not a doormat, so I’m perfectly fine declining invitations that do not work for me, and if asked, providing a time frame that does work for me. If they want to stick to their timing, that’s fine, we’ll see them another time. But in my family, we often ask each other what works, we don’t just declare things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What does it mean that it “tears up your day”? It’s not sufficient to eat a really light or no lunch since you know this is coming?

Tell me you don’t have small children that nap without telling me you don’t have small children.

The "tell me you don't <blah, blah, blah> without telling me you don't <blah, blah, blah>" is getting old. Just becoming a personal pet peeve of mine. Quit trying to be so clever and write what you mean.

+1

I have to admit I don’t even know what this means.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For holidays, where it takes a lot of time to prep the meal? Eating at 2pm or 3pm makes sense.

You don't have to stay on a "busy" schedule every single day. Bring a lunch snack for you and the kids, and consider the 3pm as dinner.

Op this is any time we see them, includes restaurants. Maybe 1 x per month.
It’s a lot to get kids to engage at what is typically an active time for them, esp bc there are no other kids there. Dh won’t address it. It’s weird bc if we’re my family we’d just communicate about what does and does not work. But he seems reluctant

I’m with OP because I also see elderly relatives act as though we all have nothing but leisure time all day like they do, and like kids love sitting around talking to old adults for hours with no toys or outside activity. I hope I never forget the reality of having kids.

If your kids have nothing to do, that’s on you. You’re the parent. I also wonder what you prioritize over family.

Didn’t you know? Sports, Sports, Sports are what people do to avoid ever having to spend down time with their kids, or see extended family. They’re allllll going to be scholarship soccer players.

I’m pretty sure you’ve posted that before. What exactly is your problem? Sports, and being competitive, does actually “count” on applications. Sorry your kid sucks at athletics. Don’t hold it against mine because they are successful and driven. And yes it’s all them. One of mine is considering quitting their sport and I honestly couldn’t be happier since I will get them back again (I’ve resented their sport for years).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For holidays, where it takes a lot of time to prep the meal? Eating at 2pm or 3pm makes sense.

You don't have to stay on a "busy" schedule every single day. Bring a lunch snack for you and the kids, and consider the 3pm as dinner.

Op this is any time we see them, includes restaurants. Maybe 1 x per month.
It’s a lot to get kids to engage at what is typically an active time for them, esp bc there are no other kids there. Dh won’t address it. It’s weird bc if we’re my family we’d just communicate about what does and does not work. But he seems reluctant

I’m with OP because I also see elderly relatives act as though we all have nothing but leisure time all day like they do, and like kids love sitting around talking to old adults for hours with no toys or outside activity. I hope I never forget the reality of having kids.

If your kids have nothing to do, that’s on you. You’re the parent. I also wonder what you prioritize over family.

Didn’t you know? Sports, Sports, Sports are what people do to avoid ever having to spend down time with their kids, or see extended family. They’re allllll going to be scholarship soccer players.

I’m pretty sure you’ve posted that before. What exactly is your problem? Sports, and being competitive, does actually “count” on applications. Sorry your kid sucks at athletics. Don’t hold it against mine because they are successful and driven. And yes it’s all them. One of mine is considering quitting their sport and I honestly couldn’t be happier since I will get them back again (I’ve resented their sport for years).

Sorry, hun, I was a competitive swimmer, and my kids are both in sports. But we know that the sun does not rise and set on sports schedules. My sister was literally a state champion and swam for her college team, and she managed to miss a few meets and practices here and there for family events and weddings. It really is OK if Little Billy misses practice or a weekend game for a family event. Really. I’m tired of everyone acting like their kid is is actually an Olympian.

[Anonymous]

My stepfathers family did this—it’s a farmer way of doing things. Go out and work and have a big meal midday and a lighter dinner.