DD and boyfriend got into same top choice

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you were ok with this school being her top choice before, the boyfriend shouldn't change things.

I'd be more concerned if she was ditching her top choice admission for some other school that made no sense - just because of the boyfriend.

Don't get involved -the relationship will play itself out and she'll have to deal with that regardless.

This. I'd be worried if my kid was choosing based on the relationship. But if it was her top choice before, it wouldn't bother me. The relationship will take its own course.

+1 definitely encourage her to explore and establish her own life at college but ultimately it's up to her. Maybe they'll break up by Xmas, maybe they'll be together forever. You have no idea.

+2 I have friends who started dating at 14, went to college in the same city, and are happily married with two kids in their 40s. It’s rare and I’d never ever count in it but it does happen.

[Anonymous]

The best thing you can do is not fuss so much about this. Forbidden fruit and all that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That’s really hard. Ask her if he’s willing to give up HIS top choice to go to her top choice school. If he isn’t, that should tell her something. Even if she tries to justify why he wouldn’t, it might get her thinking.

I think they have the same top choice.

[Anonymous]

It’s after decision day. Perhaps OP will come back and let us know what happened.

[Anonymous]

OP this reminds me of a recent thread where the daughter was deciding between Davidson (to be close to her boyfriend) or Amherst. In that situation, the parents were hands off and let their child make her own decision. It might be worth reading through that thread.

[Anonymous]

Been there done that with my child. It ended up being a disaster that they went to the same school. I wouldn’t be hands off on this.

[Anonymous]

If it makes you feel better, my husband and his long term high school GF went to the same college - it was my husbands top choice, assume it was hers as well but who knows. They broke up by Christmas. Both went on to date others, graduate, and at least in my husbands case, have great college memories. (She probably does too but I don’t know her).

[Anonymous]

Let it be! Young adulthood is fraught with bad relationships, you gotta let her figure it out on her own. Would you rather force her into a school that is her second choice, and have her spend weekends going to visit him (to spite you?) instead of making friends at her school They’ll likely break up anyway! And then she could start dating someone else that you don’t like, are you going to demand she break up with him at some point to explore other options? You just can’t get involved in this stuff. Let her go to her first choice school and let them break up whenever, or maybe they are soul mates and will end up together no matter who goes where.

[Anonymous]

Let her talk openly about her choices and what she wants out of life. Do make sure she is on the pill if not already. She is going to meet boys one way or another.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Been there done that with my child. It ended up being a disaster that they went to the same school. I wouldn’t be hands off on this.

The problem is, you don't know what would have happened if you had attempted to intervene.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s after decision day. Perhaps OP will come back and let us know what happened.

+1 OP - please give update !

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is she asking for your advice? If so, I would advise either a) seriously considering a different school or b) actively doing things separate from the boyfriend for some balance.

If she's not asking: Keep your mouth shut. It's her life, you raised her well, trust that and trust her.

Adults don't like unsolicited advice, and like it or not, she's an adult now.

PP just to add - I knew a couple who opted for choice B. They were high school sweethearts, top of their HS class in VA, both went to UVA. They actively cultivated individual friend groups. She joined a sorority. He developed tight bonds with a group from his dorm (including me). They're now happily married, 20 years later. I think I met her... three times? In the first three years of college, despite being in a tight-knit group with him and hanging out every week. She started spending more time with us our fourth year. I've honestly spent more time with her as adults living far apart than I did when we were all at the same school. It was a really good way to handle this (particularly considering neither of them was going to turn down UVA over this).

I’m assuming OP is worried that her daughter is the type that won’t make an effort at making her own friends if her boyfriend is around. I’d be worried about the same thing with my own daughter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you were ok with this school being her top choice before, the boyfriend shouldn't change things.

I'd be more concerned if she was ditching her top choice admission for some other school that made no sense - just because of the boyfriend.

Don't get involved -the relationship will play itself out and she'll have to deal with that regardless.

This. I'd be worried if my kid was choosing based on the relationship. But if it was her top choice before, it wouldn't bother me. The relationship will take its own course.

+1 definitely encourage her to explore and establish her own life at college but ultimately it's up to her. Maybe they'll break up by Xmas, maybe they'll be together forever. You have no idea.

+2 I have friends who started dating at 14, went to college in the same city, and are happily married with two kids in their 40s. It’s rare and I’d never ever count in it but it does happen.

I work with a woman who started dating her boyfriend when they were 15. They went to the same college and are now happily married.

[Anonymous]

On the flip side. Daughter got into school where boyfriend applied and they broke up a couple months ago and now she swore off that school since he will be there - even if it is her best option. School is 40k but she was adamant.

[Anonymous]

DD had same scenario, they are both at school, still together, and happy at school with new friends. I was happy they were put in different dorms the first year.