DD and boyfriend got into same top choice

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

One night stands are much more risky….

If DD isn’t already on birth control she should be. But this is no more a risk than going to college single and ready to mingle

[Anonymous]

Congratulate her on her admissions. Be open to conversation. She may very well be having some of the same doubts as you and your DH but if you come in guns blazing (what is this nonsense about "insisting" she go somewhere else?) she will never talk to you about her doubts. You will be forcing her into the opposing side of the argument.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Both applied to a variety of diff schools but had two overlaps and both are in at their top choice. Boyfriend is very nice but I'm afraid DD will be held back--she's "madly" in love. Dh wants to insist she go elsewhere. How often does this happen? What's a mom to do?

Leave it. They will probably break up in their own time. Most high school relationships don't last past freshman year, even if you're on the same campus. If it does last, then it was really something special and you should leave that alone.

Agree with this 99%. Except one question... how big is the school? If it's tiny, fallout from a potential breakup a bigger concern.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you were ok with this school being her top choice before, the boyfriend shouldn't change things.

I'd be more concerned if she was ditching her top choice admission for some other school that made no sense - just because of the boyfriend.

Don't get involved -the relationship will play itself out and she'll have to deal with that regardless.

This. I'd be worried if my kid was choosing based on the relationship. But if it was her top choice before, it wouldn't bother me. The relationship will take its own course.

+1 definitely encourage her to explore and establish her own life at college but ultimately it's up to her. Maybe they'll break up by Xmas, maybe they'll be together forever. You have no idea.

[Anonymous]

I'd be delighted she got into her top choice, OP.

She's going to have a boyfriend anyway, wherever she goes. I don't see what the problem is.

[Anonymous]

Let your DD pick. But if it was her top choice originally, I see no reason why you would discourage it. She got in, she should attend. It's not like she's following the BF to her 10th choice school---that I would have an issue with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Both applied to a variety of diff schools but had two overlaps and both are in at their top choice. Boyfriend is very nice but I'm afraid DD will be held back--she's "madly" in love. Dh wants to insist she go elsewhere. How often does this happen? What's a mom to do?

Leave it. They will probably break up in their own time. Most high school relationships don't last past freshman year, even if you're on the same campus. If it does last, then it was really something special and you should leave that alone.

Agree with this 99%. Except one question... how big is the school? If it's tiny, fallout from a potential breakup a bigger concern.

NP. This was exactly my situation back in the day. The breakup was ugly and he was everywhere - plus shared friends, etc. I so wish I had transferred or gone to a much bigger school. The whole situation really tainted my college years.

[Anonymous]

You can advise her but ultimately it’s her life and she has to make her own mistakes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Lol

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Both applied to a variety of diff schools but had two overlaps and both are in at their top choice. Boyfriend is very nice but I'm afraid DD will be held back--she's "madly" in love. Dh wants to insist she go elsewhere. How often does this happen? What's a mom to do?

Leave it. They will probably break up in their own time. Most high school relationships don't last past freshman year, even if you're on the same campus. If it does last, then it was really something special and you should leave that alone.

Agree with this 99%. Except one question... how big is the school? If it's tiny, fallout from a potential breakup a bigger concern.

NP. This was exactly my situation back in the day. The breakup was ugly and he was everywhere - plus shared friends, etc. I so wish I had transferred or gone to a much bigger school. The whole situation really tainted my college years.

That can be the case for a boyfriend she meets first week of college. It comes with the territory of small colleges.

[Anonymous]

Ugh. I don't know a lot of HS kids dating seriously. But the ones I know are practically codependent on each other. They have parking spaces next to each other. Are constantly together. Go on vacations and family dinners together. The parents are together constantly. Are joined at the hip in school and at school events. . . .

Beyond being annoying, they have no sense of independence. I'd be super pissed if they were going to college together, though there truly wouldn't be a thing I could do about it.

[Anonymous]

Is she asking for your advice? If so, I would advise either a) seriously considering a different school or b) actively doing things separate from the boyfriend for some balance.

If she's not asking: Keep your mouth shut. It's her life, you raised her well, trust that and trust her.

Adults don't like unsolicited advice, and like it or not, she's an adult now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you were ok with this school being her top choice before, the boyfriend shouldn't change things.

I'd be more concerned if she was ditching her top choice admission for some other school that made no sense - just because of the boyfriend.

Don't get involved -the relationship will play itself out and she'll have to deal with that regardless.

This. However their relationship ends, she'll never forgive you if you deny her first choice college for this reason.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would back way off. This will be fine and they will likely break up but if you force it, it will spectacularly backfire. Congrats to her for getting in!

+1 op back off and don’t worry about it. It will work out how it will and there is truly nothing you can do. They may go together and break up and she will be sad, but she will get through it. Or maybe they will stay together and have a lot of fun in college. You can’t know and you can’t control it.

If you demand anything it will only end badly for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is she asking for your advice? If so, I would advise either a) seriously considering a different school or b) actively doing things separate from the boyfriend for some balance.

If she's not asking: Keep your mouth shut. It's her life, you raised her well, trust that and trust her.

Adults don't like unsolicited advice, and like it or not, she's an adult now.

PP just to add - I knew a couple who opted for choice B. They were high school sweethearts, top of their HS class in VA, both went to UVA. They actively cultivated individual friend groups. She joined a sorority. He developed tight bonds with a group from his dorm (including me). They're now happily married, 20 years later. I think I met her... three times? In the first three years of college, despite being in a tight-knit group with him and hanging out every week. She started spending more time with us our fourth year. I've honestly spent more time with her as adults living far apart than I did when we were all at the same school. It was a really good way to handle this (particularly considering neither of them was going to turn down UVA over this).