So, what is a “good family”?

Anonymous
It almost always means money. Everyone will rationalize and overlook messy trashy behavior and drama if you're multi-millionaires and own an upscale home. While the same exact messy trashy behavior would make you untouchable trash if you're just a random middle class family.
Anonymous
1. Money
*gap*
2. Community status / standing / clout / reputation
3. Professions
4. Academic pedigree (grandparents, parents, kids)
*gap*
5. Personality
Anonymous
Taking care of and being attentive towards your kids. Having consequences for them. Teaching them to be kind to others. These are some aspects that don't seem to have been touched on.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:It almost always means money. Everyone will rationalize and overlook messy trashy behavior and drama if you're multi-millionaires and own an upscale home. While the same exact messy trashy behavior would make you untouchable trash if you're just a random middle class family.


In America it’s certainly about money.
“Good family” = rich family with an UMC/UC life and all that it connotes.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:Good family = Still Married
I’m not saying a divorced family is a bad family, it’s just not the utopic poster child ideal version of GOOD family.


Oh hell no. My parents are divorced, but very good. Our family is very functional. My inlaws are still married and the dysfunction is off the charts.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:I come from a “good family” though we are not perfect. I am of Pakistani origin so I’m sure there are some cultural differences.

Both of my parents come from “good families.” My grandparents were not rich but worked diligently in respectable professions. The grandfathers were the head of the home and ensure moral, intellectual and financial best was always observed. Children were raised with care and with the expectation to have the best manners and disposition. Men were gentlemen and women were ladies. You always dress neatly and present yourself well. You speak politely and do not raise your voice. You go into “respectable professions” such as academia, law, medicine or civil service.

You do not drink or do drugs. There is no tolerance for sloppy behavior or debauchery. You respect your elders and respect women in your family. The women learn to paint, needlework, and classical singing. The men are all amateur poets. Education is a noble pursuit, second only to good morals.

You are never rude or impolite and especially treat the less fortunate with kindness. My parents treated their staff like good. My father paid for one of our maids daughter to go to school. And extra food in our pantry would always be gifted to the chauffeurs or the maids.

I live in America now and am married to an American. American “good” families are slightly different in that there is a tremendous emphasis on wealth and material goods and designer clothes. They lack basic rules or civility and treat those who are less fortunate as paupers.


All this. The model you are describing still holds true in Europe and did here too until the most recent 1-2 generations. Now all that matters in money, status, prestige, influence and people kowtow to that like vassals with a feudal lord. It’s sick.
Anonymous
If you feel you don't know what's a good family, likely you don't have one.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:I come from a “good family” though we are not perfect. I am of Pakistani origin so I’m sure there are some cultural differences.

Both of my parents come from “good families.” My grandparents were not rich but worked diligently in respectable professions. The grandfathers were the head of the home and ensure moral, intellectual and financial best was always observed. Children were raised with care and with the expectation to have the best manners and disposition. Men were gentlemen and women were ladies. You always dress neatly and present yourself well. You speak politely and do not raise your voice. You go into “respectable professions” such as academia, law, medicine or civil service.

You do not drink or do drugs. There is no tolerance for sloppy behavior or debauchery. You respect your elders and respect women in your family. The women learn to paint, needlework, and classical singing. The men are all amateur poets. Education is a noble pursuit, second only to good morals.

You are never rude or impolite and especially treat the less fortunate with kindness. My parents treated their staff like good. My father paid for one of our maids daughter to go to school. And extra food in our pantry would always be gifted to the chauffeurs or the maids.

I live in America now and am married to an American. American “good” families are slightly different in that there is a tremendous emphasis on wealth and material goods and designer clothes. They lack basic rules or civility and treat those who are less fortunate as paupers.


I think that what you describe as a Pakistani vs American difference may be something more like a rural vs urban difference.
I’m a family doctor in the Midwest, and I can’t think of anyone I know who judges people more on their clothes or the gifts they give than my sister’s Pakistani MIL.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I come from a “good family” though we are not perfect. I am of Pakistani origin so I’m sure there are some cultural differences.

Both of my parents come from “good families.” My grandparents were not rich but worked diligently in respectable professions. The grandfathers were the head of the home and ensure moral, intellectual and financial best was always observed. Children were raised with care and with the expectation to have the best manners and disposition. Men were gentlemen and women were ladies. You always dress neatly and present yourself well. You speak politely and do not raise your voice. You go into “respectable professions” such as academia, law, medicine or civil service.

You do not drink or do drugs. There is no tolerance for sloppy behavior or debauchery. You respect your elders and respect women in your family. The women learn to paint, needlework, and classical singing. The men are all amateur poets. Education is a noble pursuit, second only to good morals.

You are never rude or impolite and especially treat the less fortunate with kindness. My parents treated their staff like good. My father paid for one of our maids daughter to go to school. And extra food in our pantry would always be gifted to the chauffeurs or the maids.

I live in America now and am married to an American. American “good” families are slightly different in that there is a tremendous emphasis on wealth and material goods and designer clothes. They lack basic rules or civility and treat those who are less fortunate as paupers.


I think that what you describe as a Pakistani vs American difference may be something more like a rural vs urban difference.
I’m a family doctor in the Midwest, and I can’t think of anyone I know who judges people more on their clothes or the gifts they give than my sister’s Pakistani MIL.


I think money may have something to do with it. My grandparents as I said, weren’t wealthy so expensive goods were not a factor. I’m sure richer Pakistani families care more about money and status symbols. I personally think it’s gauche.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:It almost always means money. Everyone will rationalize and overlook messy trashy behavior and drama if you're multi-millionaires and own an upscale home. While the same exact messy trashy behavior would make you untouchable trash if you're just a random middle class family.


In America it’s certainly about money.
“Good family” = rich family with an UMC/UC life and all that it connotes.


Look at the Biden’s, Trumps, Kennedys, Bushes and peel back the curtain. You won’t like what’s under there.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Good family = Still Married
I’m not saying a divorced family is a bad family, it’s just not the utopic poster child ideal version of GOOD family.


My parents have been together for 50 something years but my dad suddenly up and left. Am I from a bad family?


I mean yes, if someone is looking at your family from the outside they will perceive it differently than they did 10 yrs ago. Does not erase your own experience.



I don't think there is a perfect family though. A good family mostly depends on the father. If the father is good, lawful, financially responsible, puts family first and isn't a selfish narcissist then it's all good times ahead for the family. [b]You have the kids college paid, nice house in nice neighborhood instead of some roach or mouse infested place, nice schools, more opportunities, parents speak fluent English, good jobs, all those equal good family.


Wait what?


You missed the part “parents speak fluent English” . . . Wait what?


Good family doesn’t necessarily mean rich (“good schools, nice neighborhood”) like you think.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:I come from a “good family” though we are not perfect. I am of Pakistani origin so I’m sure there are some cultural differences.

Both of my parents come from “good families.” My grandparents were not rich but worked diligently in respectable professions. The grandfathers were the head of the home and ensure moral, intellectual and financial best was always observed. Children were raised with care and with the expectation to have the best manners and disposition. Men were gentlemen and women were ladies. You always dress neatly and present yourself well. You speak politely and do not raise your voice. You go into “respectable professions” such as academia, law, medicine or civil service.

You do not drink or do drugs. There is no tolerance for sloppy behavior or debauchery. You respect your elders and respect women in your family. The women learn to paint, needlework, and classical singing. The men are all amateur poets. Education is a noble pursuit, second only to good morals.

You are never rude or impolite and especially treat the less fortunate with kindness. My parents treated their staff like good. My father paid for one of our maids daughter to go to school. And extra food in our pantry would always be gifted to the chauffeurs or the maids.

I live in America now and am married to an American. American “good” families are slightly different in that there is a tremendous emphasis on wealth and material goods and designer clothes. They lack basic rules or civility and treat those who are less fortunate as paupers.


I think I’m America, being someone who is a servant isn’t seen as honorable like it is in other countries. In some countries, it is an honor to serve (literally).
Anonymous
When I was younger, I would have given a different answer, but now I see that the most important thing is how a family treats each other. The most well adjusted people I have met come from families that trust and support each other. My husband's parents are divorced but there is absolutely no drama in his family. Everyone is just happy to see each other and so genuine. They just seem to actually like each other. My husband is the most chill easygoing person I know. He makes friends easily and never gossips about or judges anyone.

My family is more educated and has more money than his and definitely looks better on paper. However, there is so much drama and competitiveness. All my mother does when I talk to her is complain about her mother or siblings. Its like she secretly wants her sibling's kid's to mess up so she feels better herself. I don't trust my own siblings and feel like I need to stay guarded around them. We all have trust, stress, and anxiety problems.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Good family = Still Married
I’m not saying a divorced family is a bad family, it’s just not the utopic poster child ideal version of GOOD family.


My parents have been together for 50 something years but my dad suddenly up and left. Am I from a bad family?


I mean yes, if someone is looking at your family from the outside they will perceive it differently than they did 10 yrs ago. Does not erase your own experience.



I don't think there is a perfect family though. A good family mostly depends on the father. If the father is good, lawful, financially responsible, puts family first and isn't a selfish narcissist then it's all good times ahead for the family. [b]You have the kids college paid, nice house in nice neighborhood instead of some roach or mouse infested place, nice schools, more opportunities, parents speak fluent English, good jobs, all those equal good family.


Wait what?


You missed the part “parents speak fluent English” . . . Wait what?


Good family doesn’t necessarily mean rich (“good schools, nice neighborhood”) like you think.


The only relevance money has with being a “good family” is that you do need a certain amount of stability to cultivate the traits associated with class and being good. Beyond that, money is irrelevant as look at the Trumps.
Anonymous
This typically means people with money who aren't criminals.
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