When did you know your child was trans?

[Anonymous]

My kid had 2 trans kids in class w them last year in 2nd grade. One of them was afab and during the summer between preschool and kindergarten they transitioned to male w changed pronouns, name, clothing, haircut and to the point where I seriously doubt most of the other kids or parents/teachers even know they were afab. The other kid was amab and still considered themselves male up through 1st grade before transitioning during 1st and changing pronouns, appearance by 2nd.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP ask your child why they think they’re trans. What does it mean to them. Because nail polish and wearing clothing usually marketed to girls doesn’t make him trans. Talk to him about societal expectations vs how he feels and wants to dress. ( im the PP with a 10yo DD)

OP's child doesn't think he's trans though. When my son was around 4 he liked princesses and dress up and watched Frozen a lot, and would pretend to be Anna. He also had mostly female friends. That was all fine with us, and we never discouraged it. He also said something along the lines of how he wanted to be a mommy when he grew up. We didn't intervene. Now he is 7 and he is very stereotypically boy. Kids change a lot and this could just be a phase. If it persists for another 5 years then that's a different conversation. Just let it go for now.

When my son was 4-6 he loved princesses (had a Disney princess party), loved all pink for years even beyond age 6, took loads of ballet, most friends were girls, said he would marry a boy just like dad, etc. He's 18 now and couldn't be more stereotypically male and hetero. We also never intervened and just let him be. He just slowly changed. Some kids do and some don't.

[Anonymous]

OP, I think by even exploring and allowing your kid to explore how they feel really shows your concern and caring.

We seem to be incredibly lucky at our (DC) elementary school to have a supportive parent +student + teacher community. There is one child who identified as trans from very young. I can think of another child who has changed their name to a feminine version of their given name. A few kids are exploring pronouns and haven't stuck with one yet. (My kid is now 11, in middle school, and is nonbinary.)

All the kids tend to dress in a chaotic way, which seems to make outfits or outer appearance a nonissue for any of them. I haven't seen or really heard of any cruelty towards any of the kids who are becoming who they might be. I know you mentioned you were worried about teasing, but from my viewpoint, kids have to be taught to be mean about gender/sex exploration.

It also seems like the parents are all very much "let's see where this goes." That's our family's approach for our non-binary kid. I suspect that our kid is gay, but currently lacks interest in anyone romantically.

All this is to say, it sounds like you are doing the exact right thing - you know your kid. Just support and love them. And there are orgs fand groups for parents if you might need a little support. Wishing you all the best.