When did you know your child was trans?

[Anonymous]

OP, this sounds a lot like my kid - strong preferences for ‘girl’ things since about 3 years old. We just followed their lead, let them wear their hair and clothes how they felt comfortable. We checked out every age appropriate children’s book from the library about gender identity, trans and gender non-confirming kids, to give them the language to decide who they were, rather than us telling them “we think you might be trans”. At the end of 1st grade, our kid met a few other kids like them, and at that point, told us they wanted to change their name and pronouns. That was two years ago now. So like others said, it’s a journey and the best you can do is follow your kid.

[Anonymous]

OP, I'll just stress that there is a difference between gender non-conforming and trans. A lot of kids, especially (but certainly not exclusively) kids who grow up to be gay or lesbian are gender non-conforming in that they like things more typically associated with the opposite gender, but they don't turn out to be trans. Your son saying he WISHED he was a girl doesn't mean that he feels like he IS a girl. I would support his choices in dress and appearance and keep an eye out for whether he feels *distressed* by the fact that people use he/him pronouns, call him a male name, or that he has a male body. That's the time to think more seriously about whether he's trans.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I'll just stress that there is a difference between gender non-conforming and trans. A lot of kids, especially (but certainly not exclusively) kids who grow up to be gay or lesbian are gender non-conforming in that they like things more typically associated with the opposite gender, but they don't turn out to be trans. Your son saying he WISHED he was a girl doesn't mean that he feels like he IS a girl. I would support his choices in dress and appearance and keep an eye out for whether he feels *distressed* by the fact that people use he/him pronouns, call him a male name, or that he has a male body. That's the time to think more seriously about whether he's trans.

My 12 yo “son” recently told us he is transgender and prefers to be a she. We are supportive and said it was all good with us. S/he doesn’t want us to correct others about pronouns nor get a new wardrobe or change the name (a boy name, s/he said s/he likes a lot). My personal view is that s/he may be gay and/or gender nonconforming….and mistaking this as being a girl. Counselor said there are no signs of dysforia and thankfully puberty is delayed (approx 2 year younger than bio age according to ped)…. When asked about why a girl, the response was “l don’t like a man voice” …


I don’t know, it doesn’t sound like the experience l read about truly feeling like *being a girl*, more like l wish l was 6 feet tall but l am 5 when l am wearing heels (l would not say this to their face but that’s my internal monologue)

So anyhow, wait and see and be supportive l guess it’s the way to go.

[Anonymous]

Reminder that Europe is stopping “gender affirming” care because of the damage it is doing. You should make your child understand that strict gender roles and stereotypes are what is causing children to do this.

And mods who keep deleting this: I will never stop.

[jsteele]

Anonymous wrote:Reminder that Europe is stopping “gender affirming” care because of the damage it is doing. You should make your child understand that strict gender roles and stereotypes are what is causing children to do this.

And mods who keep deleting this: I will never stop.

Transphobia is a sickness from which you quite obviously suffer given your obsessiveness that is causing you to repeatedly post this. Your claim is a lie. Europeans are not stopping gender affirming care. You might not stop, but you will be stopped. Sorry, find another website or, better yet, a therapist's office.

[Anonymous]

Thank you, Jeff. These people are nuts.

[Anonymous]

Europe is also a massive continent, not one single place... I doubt 50 countries are all doing the exact same thing.

[jsteele]

The transphobe above just sent me a link to an article that they believe supports their argument. Yet, the article says this:

"Currently, minors in most European countries can access puberty blockers and cross-sex hormones".

So, I guess Europe has not stopped gender affirming care. I also guess the transphobe — who called me an "ideologue" — didn't bother to read the article. Or, like most of their ilk, doesn't care about the facts. The transphobe also wrote, "If basic facts make your squirm that’s your problem.". Well, the basic facts are that gender affirming care is still available for minors in Europe. That doesn't make me squirm at all.

[Anonymous]

Europe absolutely is rethinking medical intervention for trans children. https://www.nytimes.com/2023/06/09/health/puberty-blockers-transgender-children-britain-nhs.html

[jsteele]

Anonymous wrote:Europe absolutely is rethinking medical intervention for trans children. https://www.nytimes.com/2023/06/09/health/puberty-blockers-transgender-children-britain-nhs.html

True, but that's not the argument that was made. Medical intervention for minors is still more widely available in Europe than it is in Florida.

[Anonymous]

I have young kids and really appreciate the advice in this thread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So here’s my opinion. I have a DD (10) who dresses in clothes marketed to boys, shoes marketed to boys, has short hair, and does more physical sports. She gets mistaken for a boy a lot. She is not trans though, she knows she’s a girl and I let her choose how she looks because it’s not a battle worth fighting. I think as a society there is too much gender specific marketing. It confuses our kids and is making more kids identify as trans when they’re probably not. They just don’t fit in the box society says they’re supposed to. My DD has a bio make friend identifying as female trans ( also 10) and I just don’t think she is. We need to make it ok boys to have long hair, wear nail polish and unicorns without them having to feel like they need to change genders.

How on earth would you know better than she does?

[Anonymous]

OP here again since there’s been some recent activity. He’s been asking me to cut his hair, hasn’t picked any dresses out of his drawer in two or so months, and got furious when his bro said he was the “girl” in a book. While I don’t know if this is the end of this journey for us, I think the likelihood that he is trans is small. He still enjoys playing princess and being girl characters (wants to be princess peach for Halloween!), but we’re just sitting back and letting things play out and we feel good with our decision. We encourage him to like what likes, and I hope things go smoothly for him in kindergarten. He is the most sensitive child, and it’s very hard for sensitive children to stand out and not crumble with any mocking/teasing. Such a balance of encouraging him to be who he is, but protecting him from the cruel people who are out there.

[Anonymous]

For practical social purposes, it's probably safest to present as neutral/androgynous (which frankly is also a decent idea for cisgender kids who aren't at dating age yet) in school and general public, and be more daring in selective spaces.

[Anonymous]

OP I hope school will be fine for him. My kids are in school with a handful of children who are trans and while occasionally I have heard kids on the playground say something like, “mermaids are for girls, not boys” or similar, most of the time, another kid steps in and says, “she is a girl” or “everyone can like mermaids” or whatever and the kids keep playing. It seems very supportive and very different from my own school experience.