Kids who just aren’t affectionate

[Anonymous]

I don't think its NT for a child to literally have never told their parent they love them, even when younger.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Granted he is 12 now, but he was always a little aloof. Never liked kissing or being kissed, same with hugging. He is NT from what I can tell. He used to want to sleep in the same bed with me but of course it’s been long gone. I have never once heard from my kid that he loves me.
When he was 5, I overheard him saying to his friend that he “hates love”.
Sharp as a tack, wry sense of humor, sarcastic attitude (not cruel or mean but also not your sweet child). He does talk to me and share some of his feelings or thoughts so the trust is there, but almost no affection. And of course now he wants even more privacy and alone time than before.
I just wanted to know if there any other kids like that out there, and if so, do you guys think it’s nature or nurture? And should I be concerned or is it just the way he is?

Show him lots of affection so he feels comfortable with it and learns from examples. Talk to his pediatrician about any concerns. Be a mindful and relaxed parent. How he feels and who he becomes, are more important than what he achieves.

[Anonymous]

He's normal OP. Never force affection (even in words).

[Anonymous]

This is my 9 year old son to a T. Never once has he said "I love you" to me, never once has he initiated a hug, if I attempt he will run away and ask me not to do that. He is a kind, sweet child who has lots of friends and wants to spend time with me so I am not worried about his relationship building skills, but it is HARD as a parent not to get that affection from your child! I just love him for who he is and try to give/receive love in his "love language" (time together playing games)

He's been in therapy for unrelated things for years, had a full neuropsych done, no one has ever found anything wrong with his emotional IQ. DS just says physical touch and emotions make him uncomfortable.

My spouse said he was the same as a kid (still doesn't say "i love you" to his parents), but he's never had an issue saying it to me so I think it will be find for DS's future relationships too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is my 9 year old son to a T. Never once has he said "I love you" to me, never once has he initiated a hug, if I attempt he will run away and ask me not to do that. He is a kind, sweet child who has lots of friends and wants to spend time with me so I am not worried about his relationship building skills, but it is HARD as a parent not to get that affection from your child! I just love him for who he is and try to give/receive love in his "love language" (time together playing games)

He's been in therapy for unrelated things for years, had a full neuropsych done, no one has ever found anything wrong with his emotional IQ. DS just says physical touch and emotions make him uncomfortable.

My spouse said he was the same as a kid (still doesn't say "i love you" to his parents), but he's never had an issue saying it to me so I think it will be find for DS's future relationships too.

Thank you, this is very helpful! And yes it’s hard not to get that affection back

[Anonymous]

Why would a kid not say "I love you" back? Not even as a toddler? I find that a bit strange. I understand pre-teens etc. but as a young kid?

I usually expect kids to outgrow being affectionate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am very much like this (was as a child, too). As an adult, I’ve learned to tolerate hugs from friends, hugs from my husband, and affection with my kids. 99% of the people who know me would think I’m affectionate. I love people and I’m super extroverted, I just prefer people to stay out of my physical space!

I could have written this.