Comeback for my mom?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Older people just complain a lot. Ignore it and fold the laundry while you half listen.

Interesting! Reading DCUM one would get the impression that daughters complain a lot about their mothers and DILs complain a lot about their MILs. So it appears that young and middle aged women complain a lot.

It’s almost as if working women who have young kids and/or teenagers have busier and harder lives than retirees who literally have nothing to do all day but keep track of which of their children call, when.

Busier, yes. Harder, I’m not so sure. I wouldn’t want to trade places with OP’s mom. Being busy, feeling useful, having energy, all sounds much better than sitting around hoping your kid will call you for a few minutes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Older people just complain a lot. Ignore it and fold the laundry while you half listen.

Interesting! Reading DCUM one would get the impression that daughters complain a lot about their mothers and DILs complain a lot about their MILs. So it appears that young and middle aged women complain a lot.

It’s almost as if working women who have young kids and/or teenagers have busier and harder lives than retirees who literally have nothing to do all day but keep track of which of their children call, when.

Busier, yes. Harder, I’m not so sure. I wouldn’t want to trade places with OP’s mom. Being busy, feeling useful, having energy, all sounds much better than sitting around hoping your kid will call you for a few minutes.

Well then, there are certainly better ways to ask your adult children to call you more or convey to them that you are lonely than guilt-tripping them, which is a sure way to make them dread calling you, as evidenced by this very thread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Older people just complain a lot. Ignore it and fold the laundry while you half listen.

Interesting! Reading DCUM one would get the impression that daughters complain a lot about their mothers and DILs complain a lot about their MILs. So it appears that young and middle aged women complain a lot.

It’s almost as if working women who have young kids and/or teenagers have busier and harder lives than retirees who literally have nothing to do all day but keep track of which of their children call, when.

Busier, yes. Harder, I’m not so sure. I wouldn’t want to trade places with OP’s mom. Being busy, feeling useful, having energy, all sounds much better than sitting around hoping your kid will call you for a few minutes.

Only she is calling. Two to THREE times a week!

[Anonymous]

Mu husband's parents, who are very lovely people but retired and do not ever go out, NEVER call us. Like never. They just wait for him to call. EVen on his birthday, he called them.......

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Try this clap back:

Mom, I love you. I just want to hug you. It's going to be ok. I love you.

I like this one, but without the hug part (probably not accurate, will sound like sarcasm). You don’t want her in the habit of calling you if you don’t really enjoy talking to her. It would be so annoying and often you probably are too busy to talk. Just say, “I love you, mom, I wish I could call more often too.”

Yes, this.

[Anonymous]

"I was just calling to check in, Mom. Sounds like you're ready to rumble."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Try this clap back:

Mom, I love you. I just want to hug you. It's going to be ok. I love you.

This. She’s just looking for love. All these responses are so nasty and controlling. A snarky response won’t help.

If mom says "Sorry, I just missed you" then maybe do this and explain why her other approach was distancing and made you want to stop calling. I would not reinforce guilt trips with this statement above because then she learns if she is manipulative it gets her what she wants. Your boundaries and what you reinforce show people how to treat you.

[Anonymous]

Mom, I'm weary of always hearing how I fail to do this correctly in your eyes. Time to switch to you being the one to reach out.

[Anonymous]

Oh honey! FIL used to tell us that he is getting rid of his phone service since nobody calls him. Now he is getting rid of his phone, except his Samsung is the only thing that talks back to him!
Let it go.

[Anonymous]

I'd go a different direction. I'd try somehing like "I don't want you feeling like you never hear from me so why don't we set up a designated time or day when I'll check in each week. That way you can know when to expect to hear from me (and that I'm making it a priority) and if we talk more, or you want to call me, that's all bonus time."

And then I'd set a standing weekly slot - maybe every Sunday morning or something (whatever works for you most easily) and make a BIG deal about dedicating that time, making it a standing commitment etc... And I'd promptly take at least one call of my list every week. A guaranteed weekly check-in in exchange for more frequent, perhaps less predictable calls.

It's really just a sneakier end run around the emotional manipulation, but maybe a way to do it without being as directly confrontational.