Comeback for my mom?

[Anonymous]

I have an aunt who never calls me because she thinks I’m busy. There are people like that. Tell her I’m free on the weekdays after 8 PM. So she knows when to call you. In general, I think this has more to do with your mom generally complaining that you aren’t doing enough. Agree with the pp who said set boundaries without being mean.

[Anonymous]

Why do you need to call so often?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Older people just complain a lot. Ignore it and fold the laundry while you half listen.

Interesting! Reading DCUM one would get the impression that daughters complain a lot about their mothers and DILs complain a lot about their MILs. So it appears that young and middle aged women complain a lot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Older people just complain a lot. Ignore it and fold the laundry while you half listen.

This.

+1. Stop being fixated on what you want her to give you and how you want her to change who she is to cater to who you are. People here are so hung up on trying to control their parents and have no insight into themselves and their own self absorption.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:“When you make rude comments like that, I don’t want to talk to you. Let’s try this again tomorrow.”
Do not wait for her to respond.
Hang up.
Wait 24 hours.
Call again and be pleasant.

If she makes the rude comment again, repeat.

This is really easy and can be solved quickly if you’re consistent.

If the 24 hours is too much for you, say “When you make rude comments like that, I don’t want to talk to you. Let’s try this again in an hour.”

Wait 65 minutes before calling.

YES! Do this.
Every time she starts the conversation with a complaint, you’ve been rewarding her by continuing the conversation. Sure, you could have a comeback, but she’d still get the reward of having a conversation with you. But this approach above is basic, behavioral 101 reinforcement. And it’s clear. Clear is kind.

[Anonymous]

Try this clap back:

Mom, I love you. I just want to hug you. It's going to be ok. I love you.

[Anonymous]

“Is your dialing finger broken?” If she presses about you being busy, either tell her the time of day you’re typically available, or ask her when you last told her you were too busy to talk.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You know, if you keep giving me a guilt trip each time I call, it'll make me not want to call at all.

This and some of the other responses are what I have found most helpful OP. I would not make her feel bad for not calling you because your mom sounds like mine and I hated calls from her. She sounded miserable, anxious or angry from the get go. I also would not be subtle with "you sound upset." You don't want to open the door to a diatribe about why you disappoint her. If she continues to try to guilt trip you after you confront the behavior head on, tell her you will get off the phone when she tries to manipulate and from now on you will be calling less.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Older people just complain a lot. Ignore it and fold the laundry while you half listen.

This.

+1. Stop being fixated on what you want her to give you and how you want her to change who she is to cater to who you are. People here are so hung up on trying to control their parents and have no insight into themselves and their own self absorption.

I disagree with this. It's simply about not reinforcing mom's negative behavior and not enabling her. You do not want to be her world and if she behaves like that with others it will be repellent. The mom can chose to be rude, but OP has a right to boundaries.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Try this clap back:

Mom, I love you. I just want to hug you. It's going to be ok. I love you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Try this clap back:

Mom, I love you. I just want to hug you. It's going to be ok. I love you.

This. She’s just looking for love. All these responses are so nasty and controlling. A snarky response won’t help.

[Anonymous]

Will she text with you?

[Anonymous]

“The phone rings both ways. If you want to talk to me, you have my number.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Older people just complain a lot. Ignore it and fold the laundry while you half listen.

Interesting! Reading DCUM one would get the impression that daughters complain a lot about their mothers and DILs complain a lot about their MILs. So it appears that young and middle aged women complain a lot.

It’s almost as if working women who have young kids and/or teenagers have busier and harder lives than retirees who literally have nothing to do all day but keep track of which of their children call, when.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Try this clap back:

Mom, I love you. I just want to hug you. It's going to be ok. I love you.

I like this one, but without the hug part (probably not accurate, will sound like sarcasm). You don’t want her in the habit of calling you if you don’t really enjoy talking to her. It would be so annoying and often you probably are too busy to talk. Just say, “I love you, mom, I wish I could call more often too.”