Am Parent’s Entire Social Network

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I work remotely. Our family has never been religious or belonged to a church but I sure wish we had now because it would have been a great resource!

She sits and watches TV while I am nearby in my office, anytime I walk out she wants to chat and I feel awful because I know she is lonely. She says she is fine watching TV and why would we pay someone to watch with her. After work she wants to talk and talk and I really do get it, it is just sometimes I feel so overwhelmed and it’s a lot. She will call her cousins once a week, there is that. I saw online some virtual stuff I thought she would be interest in, things she could participate in but she said no to that too. She can’t just be watch TV and talk to me and have that be everything.

I understand how you feel. It IS overwhelming. You might have to pick a few activities or clubs you think she will enjoy and go with her at the beginning. Then as she gets to know people, your presence will be less important.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I work remotely. Our family has never been religious or belonged to a church but I sure wish we had now because it would have been a great resource!

She sits and watches TV while I am nearby in my office, anytime I walk out she wants to chat and I feel awful because I know she is lonely. She says she is fine watching TV and why would we pay someone to watch with her. After work she wants to talk and talk and I really do get it, it is just sometimes I feel so overwhelmed and it’s a lot. She will call her cousins once a week, there is that. I saw online some virtual stuff I thought she would be interest in, things she could participate in but she said no to that too. She can’t just be watch TV and talk to me and have that be everything.

I understand how you feel. It IS overwhelming. You might have to pick a few activities or clubs you think she will enjoy and go with her at the beginning. Then as she gets to know people, your presence will be less important.

My experience is, if there are memory issues and signs of decline, you aren't going to find new friends at activities where there are much higher functioning elderly. People are looking for equal relationships. She needs to be with those at her level and you will turn into a crutch. There are senior day centers where she can get good supervision and they can match her with potential friends.

I found siblings had all sorts of unrealistic thoughts about how hiring a chatty nursing student or bringing her to an event and then fading off will make it all better. My response was "great you come here and try it." They needed to see just taking mom to a social event wasn't or volunteering wasn't going to create a whole new world. People are happy to talk to you, but they don't want to be reminded of where they might be headed in a year or a few years. At a senior supervised program there will be others like her, those less impaired and those more impaired and she can find her people WITHOUT you. She needs the discomfort of being without you to be open to new relationships. I don't mean to demean our elders saying this, but it's like when you drop your kid off at preschool. There is a reason the teachers will shoe the parents off quickly when the kid had separation issues. You staying, just makes it worse.