How can I support my husband in his weight loss?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

He may binge eat in secret=no way to be 210 with eating normal amounts of food at 5 8=so emotional eater

My DH is 5'8 and 240 and eats considerably less than I do at 5'4 and 115. He is eating a small breakfast and a normal sized dinner, maybe a piece of fruit in between. (I am basically a hungry squirrel eating all day). Very different appetites and metabolism. He could be active more consistently but there is no issue with his calorie intake. He's had all the blood work. Hopefully he'll get Ozempic at some point.

His family is the same. SIL eats about 4 bites of food per meal and it would be never occur to her to have a snack. Shes not overweight but probably on the higher end of normal. They are all fighting crappy metabolism.

Have they had blood work and metabolism tested? I did a BMR test years ago because I was convinced I had a crap metabolism, nope, it was 100% normal, I was just eating too much.

I know the concept of binge eating and eating in secret is difficult for those who don't struggle with food, or their weight, is hard to imagine, but it is a lot more common than people realize. So many people with food issues eat "healthy" and small portion in front of other only to binge or eat the "bad" foods in private. For those who struggle with food and their weight this is so much shame and guilt tied to what they eat.

[Anonymous]

Do what you can to remove impediments to his exercise. It's so important to figure out what works for you consistently and not try to force things that you hear might be good for you.

[Anonymous]

Could you help him find a different goal besides just "losing weight"

I always found that goal is kind of blurry, and even if you do accomplish it, you feel like you're "done" even though you're really not.

I try to find different athletic goals that keep me motivated in the gym & the kitchen.

If he runs, sign up for a 5k and have him set a goal (could be anything. Under 30 minutes, under 25, etc.)

Or, if he's interested in weightlifting, have him set a goal of bench pressing his body weight.

New types of goals to keep him motivated. Goals that celebrate his fitness instead of goals that are stemming from a place of fear or sadness (like, I'm scared I won't be able to walk my daughter down the aisle, etc.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A man at 5 8" at 200 pounds isn't a lot.

145 would be very thin!!

NP: I disagree! That is considered obese, what is wrong with you. Stop trying to make being significantly overweight, acceptable. It's not!

You truly are exhausting. He is obviously doing something to lose weight. Obsess over your own life instead of worrying about everyone else.

I'm exhausting ... to YOU? This is my first comment on this thread. Also, here you are commenting and "obsessing" over someone else's life instead of your own. You are unhinged.

UNHINGED is really overused here.

Being a little overweight is not the end of the world. Go back to being hangry with your carrot or something.

OP here. He openly says that he’s obese—which he is—and is actively trying to do something about it. Being in denial about it doesn’t help anyone.

Great he know he is obese and wants to do something about it. The first thing he needs to do is take along hard look as the why. What is he eating? How much is he eating? how are calories sneaking in- this requires some pretty brutal honesty. Personally I can look at may day and tell you my diet looks great but the reality is I easily sneak in an extra 500+ cal a day- bites of my kids food, cleaning their plates, grabbing a few chips ever time i go to the pantry for something, being "good" all week and going off track all weekend. How is his bloodwork? Any possible underlying health issues that could be making it more difficult?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A man at 5 8" at 200 pounds isn't a lot.

145 would be very thin!!

NP: I disagree! That is considered obese, what is wrong with you. Stop trying to make being significantly overweight, acceptable. It's not!

You truly are exhausting. He is obviously doing something to lose weight. Obsess over your own life instead of worrying about everyone else.

I'm exhausting ... to YOU? This is my first comment on this thread. Also, here you are commenting and "obsessing" over someone else's life instead of your own. You are unhinged.

UNHINGED is really overused here.

Being a little overweight is not the end of the world. Go back to being hangry with your carrot or something.

OP here. He openly says that he’s obese—which he is—and is actively trying to do something about it. Being in denial about it doesn’t help anyone.

Great he know he is obese and wants to do something about it. The first thing he needs to do is take along hard look as the why. What is he eating? How much is he eating? how are calories sneaking in- this requires some pretty brutal honesty. Personally I can look at may day and tell you my diet looks great but the reality is I easily sneak in an extra 500+ cal a day- bites of my kids food, cleaning their plates, grabbing a few chips ever time i go to the pantry for something, being "good" all week and going off track all weekend. How is his bloodwork? Any possible underlying health issues that could be making it more difficult?

He sounds like a typical comfort eater, that takes a lot of re-programming.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A man at 5 8" at 200 pounds isn't a lot.

145 would be very thin!!

NP: I disagree! That is considered obese, what is wrong with you. Stop trying to make being significantly overweight, acceptable. It's not!

You truly are exhausting. He is obviously doing something to lose weight. Obsess over your own life instead of worrying about everyone else.

I'm exhausting ... to YOU? This is my first comment on this thread. Also, here you are commenting and "obsessing" over someone else's life instead of your own. You are unhinged.

UNHINGED is really overused here.

Being a little overweight is not the end of the world. Go back to being hangry with your carrot or something.

OP here. He openly says that he’s obese—which he is—and is actively trying to do something about it. Being in denial about it doesn’t help anyone.

Great he know he is obese and wants to do something about it. The first thing he needs to do is take along hard look as the why. What is he eating? How much is he eating? how are calories sneaking in- this requires some pretty brutal honesty. Personally I can look at may day and tell you my diet looks great but the reality is I easily sneak in an extra 500+ cal a day- bites of my kids food, cleaning their plates, grabbing a few chips ever time i go to the pantry for something, being "good" all week and going off track all weekend. How is his bloodwork? Any possible underlying health issues that could be making it more difficult?

He sounds like a typical comfort eater, that takes a lot of re-programming.

Yeah, that is hard.

So instead of stopping, maybe redirect? When he would normally stroll by the pantry and grab 2 oreos, let him grab a stick of beef jerky. And when he would normally grab a few chips, let him grab 10-15 blueberries? I know those sound like lame replacements, but its less about the actual snack and more about the habit of eating.

I recommended earlier helping him find a strength goal. And I would reiterate that he should consider strength training in addition to running. Not only is good for him to help maintain testosterone levels, it'll also help repair his relationship with food/calories.

If he lifts hard one day, on a strength program that is designed to meet a specific strength goal, he'll really think twice about grabbing an empty calorie and instead grab something high in protein and fiber. Because he'll feel like he already put in the work for the day (at the gym) and wont want to ruin it by not re-fueling the body

My 2 cents, at least

[Anonymous]

My post, unfortunately, would be "how can I be happy about my spouse's desire to slowly lose all shape and fitness and not be sad that they don't care, and prefer not to know, that I try to remain in shape"

I'm loving your support for your husband!! Wish I'd get the same.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A man at 5 8" at 200 pounds isn't a lot.

145 would be very thin!!

NP: I disagree! That is considered obese, what is wrong with you. Stop trying to make being significantly overweight, acceptable. It's not!

You truly are exhausting. He is obviously doing something to lose weight. Obsess over your own life instead of worrying about everyone else.

I'm exhausting ... to YOU? This is my first comment on this thread. Also, here you are commenting and "obsessing" over someone else's life instead of your own. You are unhinged.

UNHINGED is really overused here.

Being a little overweight is not the end of the world. Go back to being hangry with your carrot or something.

OP here. He openly says that he’s obese—which he is—and is actively trying to do something about it. Being in denial about it doesn’t help anyone.

Great he know he is obese and wants to do something about it. The first thing he needs to do is take along hard look as the why. What is he eating? How much is he eating? how are calories sneaking in- this requires some pretty brutal honesty. Personally I can look at may day and tell you my diet looks great but the reality is I easily sneak in an extra 500+ cal a day- bites of my kids food, cleaning their plates, grabbing a few chips ever time i go to the pantry for something, being "good" all week and going off track all weekend. How is his bloodwork? Any possible underlying health issues that could be making it more difficult?

He sounds like a typical comfort eater, that takes a lot of re-programming.

Yeah, that is hard.

So instead of stopping, maybe redirect? When he would normally stroll by the pantry and grab 2 oreos, let him grab a stick of beef jerky. And when he would normally grab a few chips, let him grab 10-15 blueberries? I know those sound like lame replacements, but its less about the actual snack and more about the habit of eating.

I recommended earlier helping him find a strength goal. And I would reiterate that he should consider strength training in addition to running. Not only is good for him to help maintain testosterone levels, it'll also help repair his relationship with food/calories.

If he lifts hard one day, on a strength program that is designed to meet a specific strength goal, he'll really think twice about grabbing an empty calorie and instead grab something high in protein and fiber. Because he'll feel like he already put in the work for the day (at the gym) and wont want to ruin it by not re-fueling the body

My 2 cents, at least

He's an adult. Don't speak of letting him eat x vs y. Thats not how you treat adults.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A man at 5 8" at 200 pounds isn't a lot.

145 would be very thin!!

NP: I disagree! That is considered obese, what is wrong with you. Stop trying to make being significantly overweight, acceptable. It's not!

You truly are exhausting. He is obviously doing something to lose weight. Obsess over your own life instead of worrying about everyone else.

I'm exhausting ... to YOU? This is my first comment on this thread. Also, here you are commenting and "obsessing" over someone else's life instead of your own. You are unhinged.

UNHINGED is really overused here.

Being a little overweight is not the end of the world. Go back to being hangry with your carrot or something.

OP here. He openly says that he’s obese—which he is—and is actively trying to do something about it. Being in denial about it doesn’t help anyone.

Great he know he is obese and wants to do something about it. The first thing he needs to do is take along hard look as the why. What is he eating? How much is he eating? how are calories sneaking in- this requires some pretty brutal honesty. Personally I can look at may day and tell you my diet looks great but the reality is I easily sneak in an extra 500+ cal a day- bites of my kids food, cleaning their plates, grabbing a few chips ever time i go to the pantry for something, being "good" all week and going off track all weekend. How is his bloodwork? Any possible underlying health issues that could be making it more difficult?

He sounds like a typical comfort eater, that takes a lot of re-programming.

Yeah, that is hard.

So instead of stopping, maybe redirect? When he would normally stroll by the pantry and grab 2 oreos, let him grab a stick of beef jerky. And when he would normally grab a few chips, let him grab 10-15 blueberries? I know those sound like lame replacements, but its less about the actual snack and more about the habit of eating.

I recommended earlier helping him find a strength goal. And I would reiterate that he should consider strength training in addition to running. Not only is good for him to help maintain testosterone levels, it'll also help repair his relationship with food/calories.

If he lifts hard one day, on a strength program that is designed to meet a specific strength goal, he'll really think twice about grabbing an empty calorie and instead grab something high in protein and fiber. Because he'll feel like he already put in the work for the day (at the gym) and wont want to ruin it by not re-fueling the body

My 2 cents, at least

He's an adult. Don't speak of letting him eat x vs y. Thats not how you treat adults.

I wish there was an emoji for "biggest eye roll ever" The language police on this site are out of control. It was clear from context that I meant "he could grab..." not that his wife needs to keep the food under lock and key

If that was your take away from my post, then you're missing the point. The point was that he needs to change his relationship with food, and having him start to see it as a means to achieve certain athletic goals is a good way to do that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A man at 5 8" at 200 pounds isn't a lot.

145 would be very thin!!

NP: I disagree! That is considered obese, what is wrong with you. Stop trying to make being significantly overweight, acceptable. It's not!

You truly are exhausting. He is obviously doing something to lose weight. Obsess over your own life instead of worrying about everyone else.

I'm exhausting ... to YOU? This is my first comment on this thread. Also, here you are commenting and "obsessing" over someone else's life instead of your own. You are unhinged.

UNHINGED is really overused here.

Being a little overweight is not the end of the world. Go back to being hangry with your carrot or something.

OP here. He openly says that he’s obese—which he is—and is actively trying to do something about it. Being in denial about it doesn’t help anyone.

Great he know he is obese and wants to do something about it. The first thing he needs to do is take along hard look as the why. What is he eating? How much is he eating? how are calories sneaking in- this requires some pretty brutal honesty. Personally I can look at may day and tell you my diet looks great but the reality is I easily sneak in an extra 500+ cal a day- bites of my kids food, cleaning their plates, grabbing a few chips ever time i go to the pantry for something, being "good" all week and going off track all weekend. How is his bloodwork? Any possible underlying health issues that could be making it more difficult?

He sounds like a typical comfort eater, that takes a lot of re-programming.

Yeah, that is hard.

So instead of stopping, maybe redirect? When he would normally stroll by the pantry and grab 2 oreos, let him grab a stick of beef jerky. And when he would normally grab a few chips, let him grab 10-15 blueberries? I know those sound like lame replacements, but its less about the actual snack and more about the habit of eating.

I recommended earlier helping him find a strength goal. And I would reiterate that he should consider strength training in addition to running. Not only is good for him to help maintain testosterone levels, it'll also help repair his relationship with food/calories.

If he lifts hard one day, on a strength program that is designed to meet a specific strength goal, he'll really think twice about grabbing an empty calorie and instead grab something high in protein and fiber. Because he'll feel like he already put in the work for the day (at the gym) and wont want to ruin it by not re-fueling the body

My 2 cents, at least

He's an adult. Don't speak of letting him eat x vs y. Thats not how you treat adults.

I wish there was an emoji for "biggest eye roll ever" The language police on this site are out of control. It was clear from context that I meant "he could grab..." not that his wife needs to keep the food under lock and key

If that was your take away from my post, then you're missing the point. The point was that he needs to change his relationship with food, and having him start to see it as a means to achieve certain athletic goals is a good way to do that.

You want him to improve his relationship to food by having to earn the food in the gym?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A man at 5 8" at 200 pounds isn't a lot.

145 would be very thin!!

NP: I disagree! That is considered obese, what is wrong with you. Stop trying to make being significantly overweight, acceptable. It's not!

You truly are exhausting. He is obviously doing something to lose weight. Obsess over your own life instead of worrying about everyone else.

I'm exhausting ... to YOU? This is my first comment on this thread. Also, here you are commenting and "obsessing" over someone else's life instead of your own. You are unhinged.

UNHINGED is really overused here.

Being a little overweight is not the end of the world. Go back to being hangry with your carrot or something.

OP here. He openly says that he’s obese—which he is—and is actively trying to do something about it. Being in denial about it doesn’t help anyone.

Great he know he is obese and wants to do something about it. The first thing he needs to do is take along hard look as the why. What is he eating? How much is he eating? how are calories sneaking in- this requires some pretty brutal honesty. Personally I can look at may day and tell you my diet looks great but the reality is I easily sneak in an extra 500+ cal a day- bites of my kids food, cleaning their plates, grabbing a few chips ever time i go to the pantry for something, being "good" all week and going off track all weekend. How is his bloodwork? Any possible underlying health issues that could be making it more difficult?

He sounds like a typical comfort eater, that takes a lot of re-programming.

Yeah, that is hard.

So instead of stopping, maybe redirect? When he would normally stroll by the pantry and grab 2 oreos, let him grab a stick of beef jerky. And when he would normally grab a few chips, let him grab 10-15 blueberries? I know those sound like lame replacements, but its less about the actual snack and more about the habit of eating.

I recommended earlier helping him find a strength goal. And I would reiterate that he should consider strength training in addition to running. Not only is good for him to help maintain testosterone levels, it'll also help repair his relationship with food/calories.

If he lifts hard one day, on a strength program that is designed to meet a specific strength goal, he'll really think twice about grabbing an empty calorie and instead grab something high in protein and fiber. Because he'll feel like he already put in the work for the day (at the gym) and wont want to ruin it by not re-fueling the body

My 2 cents, at least

He's an adult. Don't speak of letting him eat x vs y. Thats not how you treat adults.

I wish there was an emoji for "biggest eye roll ever" The language police on this site are out of control. It was clear from context that I meant "he could grab..." not that his wife needs to keep the food under lock and key

If that was your take away from my post, then you're missing the point. The point was that he needs to change his relationship with food, and having him start to see it as a means to achieve certain athletic goals is a good way to do that.

You want him to improve his relationship to food by having to earn the food in the gym?

I’m not the original poster here, but you really do have a reading comprehension problem. “As a means to” is not an equivalency to calories burned. It’s an association between eating trash or eating something that might actually supplement strength training.

And there is nothing wrong with being honest about the benefits of eating real food over trash.

[Anonymous]

Have they had blood work and metabolism tested? I did a BMR test years ago because I was convinced I had a crap metabolism, nope, it was 100% normal, I was just eating too much.

I know the concept of binge eating and eating in secret is difficult for those who don't struggle with food, or their weight, is hard to imagine, but it is a lot more common than people realize. So many people with food issues eat "healthy" and small portion in front of other only to binge or eat the "bad" foods in private. For those who struggle with food and their weight this is so much shame and guilt tied to what they eat.

PP here, yes DH had various blood tests. There is no way he is binge eating or eating in secret - it's just the two of us in the house and since I am hungry and snacking every two hours waiting for him to be hungry enough to want dinner, I'm very aware of who is eating the snacks (it's me). Yesterday he had two eggs for breakfast at 9, an espresso in the afternoon, and couldn't even think about starting to make dinner until about 7:30. He does not think about food. We bought a bunch of girl scout cookies a few weeks ago (not sure why) and there is one cookie gone from one package. I don't eat them and DH doesn't notice they are there - DS will probably claim them if he comes home for spring break.

I'm also very familiar with binge eating and secret eating and what it looks like - I ate probably 3,000 to 4000 calories of junk food daily for the better part of a decade and even after that, I was only 10 pounds above a healthy BMI. It was extremely easy for me to lose that weight and keep it off when I decided it was time. DH never did this to himself and I hate that it's such a struggle for him to lose.

[Anonymous]

I'd suggest he go to an obesity medicine specialist. Not just a regular PCP. He sounds like a person for whom Wegovy would be life-changing.

Especially since he lost a lot of weight and then regained it, his body could easily be maintaining that weight on much fewer calories than one might suppose. Chronic overeating is not necessarily the cause of why he's so overweight now.