How do you empathize when someone neglected health for long long time

[Anonymous]

The people I know who have the most unhealthy habits and behaviors are all under 50 so there's that.

I feel very fortunate that my adult kids love me just the way I am despite my flaws, and I feel the same about them.

[Anonymous]

There is a big difference between whether it's a loving parent or family member who is appreciative when you are there for him/her and who has self-awareness and empathy or a selfish person who feels you feels entitled to you dealing with the fallout and expresses no gratitude.

My dad made some poor choices and lived in denial, but he was kind and gracious with me so I was there for throughout his decline and I feel no resentment, just love for him.

My mother made poor choices despite having money and time and is entitled, ungrateful and sometimes downright abusive when i have helped. When I developed my own health issues I had to turn things over to professionals who are trained to deal with highly difficult older folks.

Have a brother with heart and blood pressure issues. He was told to make lifestyle changes and get help for his anger. (He takes after mom). Instead he continues to be a work-a-haulic in a job where he could change hours and he already has enough money to retire in luxury. he continues to get in trouble at work for his explosive temper. He continues to get into frivolous lawsuits outside of work even though they seem to lead to health emergencies. I don't blame my SIL for wanting a divorce and I cannot be there for him for any more emergencies when he refuses to make any changes including getting therapy for anger management.

[Anonymous]

My sister weighs 400 pounds, and despite being a nurse and having a ton of support from her extended family (my parents, my other sibling and me) in the form of financial, emotional and logistical support, she does zero to take care of her health. Now that she has 2 kids, it's gotten worse.

I have tried everything to support her. She does have the time and means to do positive things to help herself. She is not working double shifts or even full time. My parents will always watch her kids whenever she asks. She makes good money, and whenever she needed financial help, either myself or my parents stepped in.

But she is greatly suffering and I cannot understand why she won't do something, anything. She can barely walk. She needs new knees but the drs told her she needs to lose some weight before she can be eligible to surgery. She has high blood pressure and is diabetic. She also can be very mean, barking at people to do stuff for her, complaining, just sometimes really nasty. She also drinks too much and vapes pot. I just don't like being around her anymore, neither do my kids.

I want to shake her and tell her to snap out of it. But I never say anything about her weight, she already knows. I am scared that any day I will get the call that she has passed and that someone needs to take custody of her kids. My DH and I have already discussed we know it will be us.

[Anonymous]

Going to the doctor doesn't make you healthy. It only catches diseases that are already happening or about to happen. Going to the doctor or dentist can sometimes make you worse.

[Anonymous]

What if it is your spouse? Does that change anything?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The people I know who have the most unhealthy habits and behaviors are all under 50 so there's that.

I feel very fortunate that my adult kids love me just the way I am despite my flaws, and I feel the same about them.

You see what you’re doing here? You’re just like the OP (judgmental) but but in reverse - blaming the young generation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The people I know who have the most unhealthy habits and behaviors are all under 50 so there's that.

I feel very fortunate that my adult kids love me just the way I am despite my flaws, and I feel the same about them.

You see what you’re doing here? You’re just like the OP (judgmental) but but in reverse - blaming the young generation.

I'm just pointing out that this is not a problem exclusive to the older generation. I have some unhealthy habits and so do my adult children.

[Anonymous]

Empathy is not a requirement. You do what you have to do and feel whatever you choose to feel.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:By not being a judgmental ass.

This.

What’s helped me is accepting that free will is largely an illusion, that we are really able to make teeny tiny choices in the moment. It helps me see a certain logic to their decisions and and appreciate the human behind it.

It also helps me appreciate my privilege that I have been comfortable enough and afforded the free time to destress enough deconstruct.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My MIL has never had a mammogram, colonoscopy or bone density test even though we have encouraged her to do so. It blows my mind. You can lead a horse to water.... but in the end we'll be dealing with a sick horse.

If she made it past the 40s/50s/60s without cancer, it probably doesn’t matter. You generally stop having these screening tests after 70 or so. Everyone dies of something, and if it’s breast cancer in your 80s, it is what it is.

Not true. The cutoff age for most standard screenings is more like 80. I should know because I'm 78 and still getting them.