My first grader has no friends and it breaks my heart

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My child had a friend like this. The kid had erratic behavior and I coached my son to try to distance himself from him. The mom took this to the school and accused my son of bullying her son. Other parents and even the bus driver told me that the school was investigating and everyone said the other boy was at fault. The mom would then try to arrange play dates with me. Then a month later, she sent me long berating texts again about how my son was excluding and bullying her son. I never responded to the mom.

It has been years. The boy is fine but I have not once invited the kid over for a play date or birthday party. It is the kid and the mom. I want nothing to do with either one of them. My son has very occasionally asked if that boy could come over because he asked and I always say no. He is not one of my son’s close friends so he only asked like once every 6 months and it is only because the other boy asks my son.

You just admitted to openly blocking the other kid in words and in action and yet you can't see how that may lead to accusations of excluding and bullying? You were rightfully called out for being a bully.

NP. She was excluding but I don’t see any bullying from above just exclusion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My child had a friend like this. The kid had erratic behavior and I coached my son to try to distance himself from him. The mom took this to the school and accused my son of bullying her son. Other parents and even the bus driver told me that the school was investigating and everyone said the other boy was at fault. The mom would then try to arrange play dates with me. Then a month later, she sent me long berating texts again about how my son was excluding and bullying her son. I never responded to the mom.

It has been years. The boy is fine but I have not once invited the kid over for a play date or birthday party. It is the kid and the mom. I want nothing to do with either one of them. My son has very occasionally asked if that boy could come over because he asked and I always say no. He is not one of my son’s close friends so he only asked like once every 6 months and it is only because the other boy asks my son.

You just admitted to openly blocking the other kid in words and in action and yet you can't see how that may lead to accusations of excluding and bullying? You were rightfully called out for being a bully.

The other kid would have very erratic behavior. He would normal one minute and then have anger management problems curing, pushing, tackling and hitting. Then the kid would lie and gossip but say really awful age inappropriate things. He seems to be unstable. Other times the kid will brag and lie again and accuse others of being jealous. After many cycles of this, I initially told my child to avoid. They are not in the same class and never were in the same class.

I am not sure who I want to avoid more, the mom or the kid. When school started this year, I told my child to be civil and friendly. I told him that it would be best if they were school friends and not to get on his bad side. That is when the kid asked to come over. The mom has not texted me. The kid asked my kid. I went back to our last texts and it was a series of asking for play dates and then accusing my kid of being a bully. No thank you.

[Anonymous]

Pp here. In the beginning, I actually encouraged my child to try to be friends and my child would get very upset. This kid made my child stressed about going to school because he was afraid the kid would keep bothering him. When the school investigated, everyone said the other child was the instigator and anyone who knows the kid would know he has erratic behavior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My child had a friend like this. The kid had erratic behavior and I coached my son to try to distance himself from him. The mom took this to the school and accused my son of bullying her son. Other parents and even the bus driver told me that the school was investigating and everyone said the other boy was at fault. The mom would then try to arrange play dates with me. Then a month later, she sent me long berating texts again about how my son was excluding and bullying her son. I never responded to the mom.

It has been years. The boy is fine but I have not once invited the kid over for a play date or birthday party. It is the kid and the mom. I want nothing to do with either one of them. My son has very occasionally asked if that boy could come over because he asked and I always say no. He is not one of my son’s close friends so he only asked like once every 6 months and it is only because the other boy asks my son.

You just admitted to openly blocking the other kid in words and in action and yet you can't see how that may lead to accusations of excluding and bullying? You were rightfully called out for being a bully.

I do not think trying to avoid a kid who makes you feel bad and hits you is excluding or bullying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't mean this in a cruel way, but he's not THAT emotionally intelligent if he can't connect his hair trigger temper and being mean with not having friends. It sounds like he gets bursts of anger and doesn't know how to calm himself down, so anger management would help him.

OP again - this is the toughest part. He makes the connection between his moodiness and pushing people away, but can only control his responses some of the time. Like the other day he came home from school and told me "It was a hectic morning, and that made me grouchy, and then everyone was yelling and I got really angry and frustrated. But then at recess I realized that my bad mood might make other people have a bad day, so I decided to turn my attitude around." That is a verbatim quote. So clearly he can sometimes rein in his emotions, but other times just loses control of them.

OMG, OP, I want to hug him.

[Anonymous]

This is common in these early years. Don’t sweat it to much. Many 1st graders are very emotional. They have many years to grow and change. Things will change rapidly over 2nd-4th grade.

[Anonymous]

I suggest putting him in activities and sports. Cub Scouts is a great way to make friends for both your child and parents. I have 2 boys and they have so many friends and acquaintances from sports. They have done t ball, soccer, swim, tennis, basketball, volleyball and golf. They know people from every sport.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My child had a friend like this. The kid had erratic behavior and I coached my son to try to distance himself from him. The mom took this to the school and accused my son of bullying her son. Other parents and even the bus driver told me that the school was investigating and everyone said the other boy was at fault. The mom would then try to arrange play dates with me. Then a month later, she sent me long berating texts again about how my son was excluding and bullying her son. I never responded to the mom.

It has been years. The boy is fine but I have not once invited the kid over for a play date or birthday party. It is the kid and the mom. I want nothing to do with either one of them. My son has very occasionally asked if that boy could come over because he asked and I always say no. He is not one of my son’s close friends so he only asked like once every 6 months and it is only because the other boy asks my son.

You just admitted to openly blocking the other kid in words and in action and yet you can't see how that may lead to accusations of excluding and bullying? You were rightfully called out for being a bully.

The other kid would have very erratic behavior. He would normal one minute and then have anger management problems curing, pushing, tackling and hitting. Then the kid would lie and gossip but say really awful age inappropriate things. He seems to be unstable. Other times the kid will brag and lie again and accuse others of being jealous. After many cycles of this, I initially told my child to avoid. They are not in the same class and never were in the same class.

I am not sure who I want to avoid more, the mom or the kid. When school started this year, I told my child to be civil and friendly. I told him that it would be best if they were school friends and not to get on his bad side. That is when the kid asked to come over. The mom has not texted me. The kid asked my kid. I went back to our last texts and it was a series of asking for play dates and then accusing my kid of being a bully. No thank you.

Lady, take your story to a new thread. This does not sound like OPs situation and you are not helping. In fact, your post is completely unhelpful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My child had a friend like this. The kid had erratic behavior and I coached my son to try to distance himself from him. The mom took this to the school and accused my son of bullying her son. Other parents and even the bus driver told me that the school was investigating and everyone said the other boy was at fault. The mom would then try to arrange play dates with me. Then a month later, she sent me long berating texts again about how my son was excluding and bullying her son. I never responded to the mom.

It has been years. The boy is fine but I have not once invited the kid over for a play date or birthday party. It is the kid and the mom. I want nothing to do with either one of them. My son has very occasionally asked if that boy could come over because he asked and I always say no. He is not one of my son’s close friends so he only asked like once every 6 months and it is only because the other boy asks my son.

You just admitted to openly blocking the other kid in words and in action and yet you can't see how that may lead to accusations of excluding and bullying? You were rightfully called out for being a bully.

I do not think trying to avoid a kid who makes you feel bad and hits you is excluding or bullying.

OPs kid doesn't hit.