At what point do you just feel like f****** giving up?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
How good is your public high school? Because ours is excellent, with a ton of wealthy and highly educated families who push their kids to be squeaky clean and get good grades. If your son goes to one of those, he might not find the boon companions he's looking for

I disagree with posters about weed, since it significantly impacts neurological development in teens. But if you cannot force him to stop... just know the most dire consequences (memory loss and the resulting executive function impairment) will likely not show until middle age.

Hahahaha!

Smoked weed as a teen and dropped out of my public school senior year. Went on to earn four university degrees including a law degree from a T-15 school and had a very solid career on my chosen path in the legal profession. Still high IQ, articulate and cognitively intact at 52. AND I STILL SMOKE WEED TOO!

Reefer madness nonsense.

[Anonymous]

If his friend group is addicted to opiates or coke, going right back to that group post-rehab is not a good idea. The old saying, people, places, and things. But, I'd caution against public school if he is the type to DGAF about school. He will be surrounded by an echo chamber of kids who DGAF about school, whereas at least in private, drop outs and kids not matriculation to college are the outliers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I heard a wise person say sometimes the best thing to do is simply report your child’s next illegal offense to the police department. Allow your child the experience of juvenile lock-up so he can decide if that’s the life he really wants. You do this BEFORE he’s 18, because then it’s a whole different ballgame. His juvenile offense can be expunged.

They don't lock up juveniles for weed possession. They just charge them with a misdemeanor, which adds to OP's plate as his parent. It doesn't "scare them straight".

Are they even charging for this anymore? The idea of reporting your own kid to the police is just ... wow. My parents tried to do this, and it created a permanent rift with one of my brothers. Did not help him at ALL. Also could ruin his chance to get any federal student loans or grants forever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I heard a wise person say sometimes the best thing to do is simply report your child’s next illegal offense to the police department. Allow your child the experience of juvenile lock-up so he can decide if that’s the life he really wants. You do this BEFORE he’s 18, because then it’s a whole different ballgame. His juvenile offense can be expunged.

They don't lock up juveniles for weed possession. They just charge them with a misdemeanor, which adds to OP's plate as his parent. It doesn't "scare them straight".

Are they even charging for this anymore? The idea of reporting your own kid to the police is just ... wow. My parents tried to do this, and it created a permanent rift with one of my brothers. Did not help him at ALL. Also could ruin his chance to get any federal student loans or grants forever.

Yes they are still charging if you are under 21. My son was charged in MoCo. Charges were later dropped but that’s because he got a lawyer to go negotiate with the ADA. They just expect most people to pay the fine and deal with the misdemeanor. No thanks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I heard a wise person say sometimes the best thing to do is simply report your child’s next illegal offense to the police department. Allow your child the experience of juvenile lock-up so he can decide if that’s the life he really wants. You do this BEFORE he’s 18, because then it’s a whole different ballgame. His juvenile offense can be expunged.

They don't lock up juveniles for weed possession. They just charge them with a misdemeanor, which adds to OP's plate as his parent. It doesn't "scare them straight".

Are they even charging for this anymore? The idea of reporting your own kid to the police is just ... wow. My parents tried to do this, and it created a permanent rift with one of my brothers. Did not help him at ALL. Also could ruin his chance to get any federal student loans or grants forever.

Yes they are still charging if you are under 21. My son was charged in MoCo. Charges were later dropped but that’s because he got a lawyer to go negotiate with the ADA. They just expect most people to pay the fine and deal with the misdemeanor. No thanks.

But he was guilty..so I guess you are not big on holding people accountable.
That could be why your kid is having problems.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
How good is your public high school? Because ours is excellent, with a ton of wealthy and highly educated families who push their kids to be squeaky clean and get good grades. If your son goes to one of those, he might not find the boon companions he's looking for

I disagree with posters about weed, since it significantly impacts neurological development in teens. But if you cannot force him to stop... just know the most dire consequences (memory loss and the resulting executive function impairment) will likely not show until middle age.

Hahahaha!

Smoked weed as a teen and dropped out of my public school senior year. Went on to earn four university degrees including a law degree from a T-15 school and had a very solid career on my chosen path in the legal profession. Still high IQ, articulate and cognitively intact at 52. AND I STILL SMOKE WEED TOO!

Reefer madness nonsense.

My DS smoked weed and developed psychosis. The weed isn't the same stuff. OP- that age is the worst. My DS turned a corner around age 16 and a half. Don't give up on him. Has he been screened for mental illness?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
How good is your public high school? Because ours is excellent, with a ton of wealthy and highly educated families who push their kids to be squeaky clean and get good grades. If your son goes to one of those, he might not find the boon companions he's looking for

I disagree with posters about weed, since it significantly impacts neurological development in teens. But if you cannot force him to stop... just know the most dire consequences (memory loss and the resulting executive function impairment) will likely not show until middle age.

Hahahaha!

Smoked weed as a teen and dropped out of my public school senior year. Went on to earn four university degrees including a law degree from a T-15 school and had a very solid career on my chosen path in the legal profession. Still high IQ, articulate and cognitively intact at 52. AND I STILL SMOKE WEED TOO!

Reefer madness nonsense.

You are one person. Lots of kids who drop out of HS do not go on to earn college degrees. Plus you went to HS in the late 80s. Things have changed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I heard a wise person say sometimes the best thing to do is simply report your child’s next illegal offense to the police department. Allow your child the experience of juvenile lock-up so he can decide if that’s the life he really wants. You do this BEFORE he’s 18, because then it’s a whole different ballgame. His juvenile offense can be expunged.

They don't lock up juveniles for weed possession. They just charge them with a misdemeanor, which adds to OP's plate as his parent. It doesn't "scare them straight".

Are they even charging for this anymore? The idea of reporting your own kid to the police is just ... wow. My parents tried to do this, and it created a permanent rift with one of my brothers. Did not help him at ALL. Also could ruin his chance to get any federal student loans or grants forever.

Yes they are still charging if you are under 21. My son was charged in MoCo. Charges were later dropped but that’s because he got a lawyer to go negotiate with the ADA. They just expect most people to pay the fine and deal with the misdemeanor. No thanks.

But he was guilty..so I guess you are not big on holding people accountable.
That could be why your kid is having problems.

He’s not having problems. I’m not OP.

GFY

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
How good is your public high school? Because ours is excellent, with a ton of wealthy and highly educated families who push their kids to be squeaky clean and get good grades. If your son goes to one of those, he might not find the boon companions he's looking for

I disagree with posters about weed, since it significantly impacts neurological development in teens. But if you cannot force him to stop... just know the most dire consequences (memory loss and the resulting executive function impairment) will likely not show until middle age.

Hahahaha!

Smoked weed as a teen and dropped out of my public school senior year. Went on to earn four university degrees including a law degree from a T-15 school and had a very solid career on my chosen path in the legal profession. Still high IQ, articulate and cognitively intact at 52. AND I STILL SMOKE WEED TOO!

Reefer madness nonsense.

My DS smoked weed and developed psychosis. The weed isn't the same stuff. OP- that age is the worst. My DS turned a corner around age 16 and a half. Don't give up on him. Has he been screened for mental illness?

Every time I catch a whiff of weed in the air, it smells so bad… it has to be laced with something I’m not into drugs at all, I’ve seen how just a little weed can alter the course of a young persons life, and from my youth and my tangential voyeurs association with the wild life the foul smelling under note I pick up most often is weed laced with PCP. I don’t get the it’s just a little bit of weed what’s the harm attitude at all. Anything that smells like burning chemicals can’t be good for you.

[Anonymous]

How much time do you actually spend with your son? Does he spend most weeknights alone in his room, how about weekends?

Sorry you both are going through this. How about spending more time with him, go on hikes, camping trips, somewhere probably outside your comfort zone. Make home cooked meals with him, get him off of processed shit, clean up his electronic environment. These steps can’t hurt.

Show him you give a shit, don’t just tell him. This is hard but if you want to save the lifelong relationship you have work to do now, don’t wait until he “gets through the defiant stage”. I cannot imagine my 13, 14, 15 year old being in this situation without being neglected as well.

[Anonymous]

He’s young. He doesn’t realize how detrimental to his health smoking is. Sorry, Op. He may be addicted. He could permanently lose IQ points, run into anxiety, depression, wreck the car, lose athleticism, not achieve a great career path, etc.
https://www.samhsa.gov/marijuana

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I heard a wise person say sometimes the best thing to do is simply report your child’s next illegal offense to the police department. Allow your child the experience of juvenile lock-up so he can decide if that’s the life he really wants. You do this BEFORE he’s 18, because then it’s a whole different ballgame. His juvenile offense can be expunged.

They don't lock up juveniles for weed possession. They just charge them with a misdemeanor, which adds to OP's plate as his parent. It doesn't "scare them straight".

Are they even charging for this anymore? The idea of reporting your own kid to the police is just ... wow. My parents tried to do this, and it created a permanent rift with one of my brothers. Did not help him at ALL. Also could ruin his chance to get any federal student loans or grants forever.

Yes they are still charging if you are under 21. My son was charged in MoCo. Charges were later dropped but that’s because he got a lawyer to go negotiate with the ADA. They just expect most people to pay the fine and deal with the misdemeanor. No thanks.

But he was guilty..so I guess you are not big on holding people accountable.
That could be why your kid is having problems.

He’s not having problems. I’m not OP.

GFY

He was arrested as a teenager, and has a parent who talks like you.

Those are two problems in my book.