At what point do you just feel like f****** giving up?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Was he always defiant/like this or did he change into this at some point?

OP here. It started a little over a year ago.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. He smokes a few times a week. However, the defiance is just as troubling, just ignoring curfews, disrespectful, entitled, etc. We live in PG County, which doesn't have the best public school rep, so I'm not excited about this at all. However, I refuse to waste anymore money.

Just to clarify… you sent him to residential rehab for pot?

If so, you are the issue. That’s insane.

No wonder he is defiant.

You really need to back off. She cares about her son. You don’t even know him, yet you feel it’s ok to blame her???

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. He smokes a few times a week. However, the defiance is just as troubling, just ignoring curfews, disrespectful, entitled, etc. We live in PG County, which doesn't have the best public school rep, so I'm not excited about this at all. However, I refuse to waste anymore money.

Just to clarify… you sent him to residential rehab for pot?

If so, you are the issue. That’s insane.

No wonder he is defiant.

You really need to back off. She cares about her son. You don’t even know him, yet you feel it’s ok to blame her???

OP here. Thank you, but I just let it roll off. There's always going to be at least one A$$ trolling. I'm doing what's best for my son, & have no regrets.

[Anonymous]

I’m sorry OP. I was a bad kid and my brothers were bad kids, and we all made it. I think you need individual counseling to be able to cope and identify what you can and cannot change. And maybe family therapy to be able to preserve a bond even in the midst of all of this. Unfortunately you have few choices other than significantly letting go.

Does he have mental health issues?

Are there any positives you can reinforce? Encourage him to engage in at least one constructive hobby or club?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m sorry OP. I was a bad kid and my brothers were bad kids, and we all made it. I think you need individual counseling to be able to cope and identify what you can and cannot change. And maybe family therapy to be able to preserve a bond even in the midst of all of this. Unfortunately you have few choices other than significantly letting go.

Does he have mental health issues?

Are there any positives you can reinforce? Encourage him to engage in at least one constructive hobby or club?

Yes, I helped him get a P/T job, to keep him occupied, & it is in his area of interest. Unfortunately, he does have a mood disorder, depression, & anxiety. We're in individual & family therapy

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. He smokes a few times a week. However, the defiance is just as troubling, just ignoring curfews, disrespectful, entitled, etc. We live in PG County, which doesn't have the best public school rep, so I'm not excited about this at all. However, I refuse to waste anymore money.

Just to clarify… you sent him to residential rehab for pot?

If so, you are the issue. That’s insane.

No wonder he is defiant.

Ignore posters who know nothing about addiction and substance abuse.

https://nida.nih.gov/publications/research-reports/marijuana/marijuana-addictive

It sounds like you tried all the right things for your son. I hope that he turns his life around soon.

Your love for him is obvious, and that is probably what has motivated him to try (i.e. participate in therapy and rehab).

[Anonymous]

I've been there OP. You are not alone, even though it feels like you are.

At one point I had a countdown calendar on my phone because my son was so draining. I just wanted him out of the house so we all could get a break from the chaos he caused.

I would keep him in his current school as long as possible. I know that's not the answer you want to hear, but changing schools in my experience makes things worse, not better. He's not going to gravitate to the higher achieving public school students. He's going to join the potheads, and they are into a lot worse than pot at this point. I say this as a public school parent at MCPS. My son was at the bottom of the high achievers, and barely held on, even though he's very smart. Keeping him in that group helped him get into college, and was a huge turning point for him.

Agree with the part time job. He went to full time in the summers, and loved earning money. Plus it keeps him out of trouble.

He had a girlfriend in high school, and that kept him going to classes. He had to go there to see her, because her parents didn't allow him to come over, or for her to come to our house. She certainly didn't "save him", but it kept him in class, which was huge.

Keep throwing away vapes and weed when you find it. My son hated that we did that, but I really don't care. It's my house, my rules.

Agree on keeping him in therapy. Maybe look into a full, live away camp in the summer. Hard work, and working with animals really helps teens.

For what it's worth my son turned things around once he turned 19. By 20 he was a different person. He's 21 now, still in school, responsible, and has a full time job. He's not a burn out, and miraculously, no record.

[Anonymous]

Have you looked into Randolph-Macon Academy in Front Royal Virginia? Turned me around when I was a lot like your son.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m sorry OP. I was a bad kid and my brothers were bad kids, and we all made it. I think you need individual counseling to be able to cope and identify what you can and cannot change. And maybe family therapy to be able to preserve a bond even in the midst of all of this. Unfortunately you have few choices other than significantly letting go.

Does he have mental health issues?

Are there any positives you can reinforce? Encourage him to engage in at least one constructive hobby or club?

Yes, I helped him get a P/T job, to keep him occupied, & it is in his area of interest. Unfortunately, he does have a mood disorder, depression, & anxiety. We're in individual & family therapy

I think you're doing the best you can.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've been there OP. You are not alone, even though it feels like you are.

At one point I had a countdown calendar on my phone because my son was so draining. I just wanted him out of the house so we all could get a break from the chaos he caused.

I would keep him in his current school as long as possible. I know that's not the answer you want to hear, but changing schools in my experience makes things worse, not better. He's not going to gravitate to the higher achieving public school students. He's going to join the potheads, and they are into a lot worse than pot at this point. I say this as a public school parent at MCPS. My son was at the bottom of the high achievers, and barely held on, even though he's very smart. Keeping him in that group helped him get into college, and was a huge turning point for him.

Agree with the part time job. He went to full time in the summers, and loved earning money. Plus it keeps him out of trouble.

He had a girlfriend in high school, and that kept him going to classes. He had to go there to see her, because her parents didn't allow him to come over, or for her to come to our house. She certainly didn't "save him", but it kept him in class, which was huge.

Keep throwing away vapes and weed when you find it. My son hated that we did that, but I really don't care. It's my house, my rules.

Agree on keeping him in therapy. Maybe look into a full, live away camp in the summer. Hard work, and working with animals really helps teens.

For what it's worth my son turned things around once he turned 19. By 20 he was a different person. He's 21 now, still in school, responsible, and has a full time job. He's not a burn out, and miraculously, no record.

I like this idea - as long as he consents to it. I'm not a fan AT ALL of wilderness "boot camps," but if there is an outdoor setting that he would agree to, that could be really good.

[Anonymous]

I heard a wise person say sometimes the best thing to do is simply report your child’s next illegal offense to the police department. Allow your child the experience of juvenile lock-up so he can decide if that’s the life he really wants. You do this BEFORE he’s 18, because then it’s a whole different ballgame. His juvenile offense can be expunged.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I heard a wise person say sometimes the best thing to do is simply report your child’s next illegal offense to the police department. Allow your child the experience of juvenile lock-up so he can decide if that’s the life he really wants. You do this BEFORE he’s 18, because then it’s a whole different ballgame. His juvenile offense can be expunged.

They don't lock up juveniles for weed possession. They just charge them with a misdemeanor, which adds to OP's plate as his parent. It doesn't "scare them straight".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. He smokes a few times a week. However, the defiance is just as troubling, just ignoring curfews, disrespectful, entitled, etc. We live in PG County, which doesn't have the best public school rep, so I'm not excited about this at all. However, I refuse to waste anymore money.

Just to clarify… you sent him to residential rehab for pot?

If so, you are the issue. That’s insane.

No wonder he is defiant.

You really need to back off. She cares about her son. You don’t even know him, yet you feel it’s ok to blame her???

No I don’t. If she has sent her kid to residential rehab gif a developmentally normal issue she is abusive at a minimum.

[Anonymous]

Fusion Academy might be a great fit for him. There’s a campus in Dupont and one closer to Baltimore. He could even take classes there until the end the year, work on his mental health, and then transition to public school.

Classes one on one with teachers; it’s a more relaxed environment with less anxiety. Finding a supportive place that meets kids at their own level is important for sensitive kids who find the typical school model doesn’t work for them. It’s been life changing for many kids.

Also, it sounds like you’re doing everything you can to help you son. Hang in there. You’ve got this!

https://www.fusionacademy.com/campuses/washington-dc/?utm_source=GMB&utm_medium=organic&utm_campaign=campuses&piCId=80042

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. He smokes a few times a week. However, the defiance is just as troubling, just ignoring curfews, disrespectful, entitled, etc. We live in PG County, which doesn't have the best public school rep, so I'm not excited about this at all. However, I refuse to waste anymore money.

Just to clarify… you sent him to residential rehab for pot?

If so, you are the issue. That’s insane.

No wonder he is defiant.

OP here. I sent him after his admission of doing many other drugs, which now I question, & also at the advice of his therapist & psychiatrist. The 2nd time, he requested to go back. So, there's your answer

What drugs exactly. That's the most key thing in this situation.