At what point do you just feel like f****** giving up?

[Anonymous]

I am at my wits end, and I wanted to hear what others had to say.

My son is in the 10th grade, has been in-and-out of residential rehab twice last year, continues to smoke weed, is extremely defiant, disrespectful, ungrateful and Just simply doesn't give a f***, and is about to get thrown out of his private school. He's an individual therapy, we're in family therapy, and nothing is working.

I have been doing everything I possibly can do for him for the last 2 years, but at this point, I'm about to send him to our local public school, because it's actually what he wants,
because they tend to have less rules, and just hope for the best. It's not what I had in mind for him, but I'm at a loss at this point. My guess is he'll have easier access to weed, with very little consequences.

Sometimes, I feel like the only choice I have is to hold my breath, and wait till he graduates, and let him go be the adult he's trying to be.

Before anyone asks, I have checked into military schools, and most of these places do drug testing, and they will not force him to come, if he refuses to comply.

If anyone else has gone through anything similar, I would love to hear from you.

[Anonymous]

Send him to public school, it’s not going to make anything worse.

[Anonymous]

You put him in residential rehab for smoking weed?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Send him to public school, it’s not going to make anything worse.

Agree. You've done what you can.

[Anonymous]

How much weed is he smoking?

I would just move past the weed issue, accept he will use it, and move on. Unless he is smoking so much that he can't function, this isn't a hill to die on.

Put him in public school and ignore the weed use. It is a lot less harmful than alcohol. Focus on supporting him in getting through school and out of the house. Hopefully as he matures a little over the next couple of years, he will decrease his use himself. It is just weed.

[Anonymous]

Been through some of the same issues except no private school. I’d send him to public. I’d also be grateful that he actually goes to school which was a big problem for us. There’s only so much you can do and it sounds like you’ve tried everything.

[Anonymous]

Public is the only option. Stop throwing out money. You have tried. Cut off the money supply and make him get a job for the extras.

[Anonymous]

Longtime HS teacher here. Just wanted to say 10th grade is the absolute worst in terms of behavior, even for the “easiest” of kids. There is a huge, noticeable split between young teens (9-10th grade) and older teens. But while 9th graders are still looking to adults for guidance, the defiance of a tenth grader is often off the charts, and they don’t have the maturity to actually handle the independence they crave. I can’t give you any advice without knowing a lot more about your particular kid, his diagnoses, how he is doing in school, etc, but rest assured that if you can hang on through this year, time is on your side.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How much weed is he smoking?

I would just move past the weed issue, accept he will use it, and move on. Unless he is smoking so much that he can't function, this isn't a hill to die on.

Put him in public school and ignore the weed use. It is a lot less harmful than alcohol. Focus on supporting him in getting through school and out of the house. Hopefully as he matures a little over the next couple of years, he will decrease his use himself. It is just weed.

This.

[Anonymous]

New PP here.

Thank you, HS teacher, I find your thoughts very reassuring.

[Anonymous]

How good is your public high school? Because ours is excellent, with a ton of wealthy and highly educated families who push their kids to be squeaky clean and get good grades. If your son goes to one of those, he might not find the boon companions he's looking for

I disagree with posters about weed, since it significantly impacts neurological development in teens. But if you cannot force him to stop... just know the most dire consequences (memory loss and the resulting executive function impairment) will likely not show until middle age.

[Anonymous]

OP here. He smokes a few times a week. However, the defiance is just as troubling, just ignoring curfews, disrespectful, entitled, etc. We live in PG County, which doesn't have the best public school rep, so I'm not excited about this at all. However, I refuse to waste anymore money.

[Anonymous]

Was he always defiant/like this or did he change into this at some point?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. He smokes a few times a week. However, the defiance is just as troubling, just ignoring curfews, disrespectful, entitled, etc. We live in PG County, which doesn't have the best public school rep, so I'm not excited about this at all. However, I refuse to waste anymore money.

Just to clarify… you sent him to residential rehab for pot?

If so, you are the issue. That’s insane.

No wonder he is defiant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. He smokes a few times a week. However, the defiance is just as troubling, just ignoring curfews, disrespectful, entitled, etc. We live in PG County, which doesn't have the best public school rep, so I'm not excited about this at all. However, I refuse to waste anymore money.

Just to clarify… you sent him to residential rehab for pot?

If so, you are the issue. That’s insane.

No wonder he is defiant.

OP here. I sent him after his admission of doing many other drugs, which now I question, & also at the advice of his therapist & psychiatrist. The 2nd time, he requested to go back. So, there's your answer