Weight issues/self esteem exacerbated by relationship with mom

[Anonymous]

I have a young daughter and I have to say that I really appreciate these threads because they are a reminder that the things I say will be remembered for a long time. I think about them a lot when I interact with her and I believe they have helped me become a better parent. So thank you OP for sharing your story.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a young daughter and I have to say that I really appreciate these threads because they are a reminder that the things I say will be remembered for a long time. I think about them a lot when I interact with her and I believe they have helped me become a better parent. So thank you OP for sharing your story.

I am sorry that so many people had to grow up with such messed-up parents, but hearing these stories really helps me focus on making decisions based on the long-term relationship I want with my kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Agree that you should talk to your mother less. But also, you need to separate that being fat means being ugly. They are two separate things. I know skinny people who are ugly and fat people who are beautiful.

Np I would agree with pp and also say separate being "unloveable" with being fat. I was also made to believe that being fat meant you were unloveable. Even when she talks about other members of the family I get triggered. I find out that that is when I grab for the pop tart when she says stuff like that. Problem is being thinner is healthier but, the way she did it made me feel awful and hate myself. I vowed never to do this to my kids and I don't.

I am so sorry, op. You are not alone, sadly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Moms can pass on very toxic messages about food and bodies to their daughters, usually inherited from their moms.

When I was eleven my mom came home and freaked OUT because I’d eaten a sleeve of cookies. She made me do sit-ups and didn’t feed me dinner. She never had/has anything to say about my brother’s rather chunky frame, but never fails to comment on my body (but only if I’m overweight - when I’m smaller there are no compliments).

It’s messed up. I’m taking pains not to indoctrinate my daughter similarly.

Dp I thought I was the only one. It was only after I gained a huge amount and lost it that she noticed and said something positive. I still hate her talking about weight.

[Anonymous]

Only you are responsible for your weight and feelings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Only you are responsible for your weight and feelings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Only you are responsible for your weight and feelings.

Unless you have an external locus of control, and autoplastic ego defenses. In that case, you have no agency, and nothing that happens to you or in your life is your responsibility. Including how much you eat, how much you weigh, and how you feel about those things.

OP genuinely feels that her mother is responsible for these things. It is probably a cognitive distortion on some level.

[Anonymous]

I'm so sorry to hear this and I can really relate (right down to the always having a bf to feel and prove that I was attractive and current unhappy marriage). My mom also had stories in her head that were just plain made up. Like others, I would encourage you to try to get out of the daily calls, but I know you're in a tough spot with your dad. Does your mom have a cell phone? Maybe start by texting tomorrow saying you're tied up with something and can't call, but will try to call the next day. I will warn you though that when I started setting the tiniest of boundaries with my mom, she got very mean. Reading your post made me so angry. You deserve so much better.