If you are of European descent…

[Anonymous]

This thread is interesting because I think if OP had written that she was a fourth generation immigrant from Japan or Argentina, people would be more supportive.

It's really normal to want a sense of belonging, and it can be hard to find in a country as multi-ethnic and multi-cultural as the US, especially if your own family has done little to give you a sense of place and belonging. I totally get wanting to feel a connection to your surroundings if you have a history like OPs -- an immigrant family with no real immigrant story, and then several generations of people just kind of wandering around the United States settling here and there, and then the next generations goes and finds another part of the country to settle in. I think that would feel very disconnected and lonely, and I can understand thinking that maybe you would get something out of moving to the last place where some part of your family was more permanent and settled.

I think people are bothered by the fact that OP is white and is looking for roots in her whiteness. But if someone in the same situation but Japanese told me "I'm thinking of trying to emigrate to Japan because I think I might feel a greater sense of belonging there than here," I'd totally get it. Sub in Germany for Japan. It's no different. I get it.

[Anonymous]

Go for it! Apply to English language masters programs so you can live there legally, have some time to acclimate and study the language, and have job opportunities when you graduate.

You never know until you try

[Anonymous]

You sound very narcissistic.

[Anonymous]

Op, I think there are a few things at play here. One, and I mean it, check what media you are consuming. Get out of your bubble. Either just stop listening to things like NPR and whatever other media sources tell you to feel guilty for existing, or start reading a wider range of viewpoints.

Second is that you need to find a sense of community. I think in many cases people have thrown the baby out with the bath water by rejecting organized religion. See if you can find a faith community that appeals to you. Or volunteer at an animal shelter. Or a food bank. You have to get out of your own head.

It’s like you need both a bigger view of the world, in that you need to understand that the negatives about are country’s past are not unique, and you need a smaller view of the world, in that you need a local community to belong to so you can feel grounded and have a sense of belonging in the place that you live.

[Anonymous]

^ about “our” country’s past, not “are”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This thread is interesting because I think if OP had written that she was a fourth generation immigrant from Japan or Argentina, people would be more supportive.

It's really normal to want a sense of belonging, and it can be hard to find in a country as multi-ethnic and multi-cultural as the US, especially if your own family has done little to give you a sense of place and belonging. I totally get wanting to feel a connection to your surroundings if you have a history like OPs -- an immigrant family with no real immigrant story, and then several generations of people just kind of wandering around the United States settling here and there, and then the next generations goes and finds another part of the country to settle in. I think that would feel very disconnected and lonely, and I can understand thinking that maybe you would get something out of moving to the last place where some part of your family was more permanent and settled.

I think people are bothered by the fact that OP is white and is looking for roots in her whiteness. But if someone in the same situation but Japanese told me "I'm thinking of trying to emigrate to Japan because I think I might feel a greater sense of belonging there than here," I'd totally get it. Sub in Germany for Japan. It's no different. I get it.

I think, maybe because the US is so big and people don't travel internationally that much, that many Americans don't realize exactly what it means to be American. As another poster put it, spend some real time in another country to learn what it means to be American and what it means to be from a different country and culture.

No, I don't think people are bothered by the fact that OP is looking for roots in her Whiteness. They are bothered by the fact that she has roots but doesn't like them and thinks she can manufacture them somewhere else. That's not how it works. She can certainly emigrate and be an ex-pat - but that won't mean that she has deeper roots there. It means that she could put down roots there, if she wants; but she can also put down roots here, she just doesn't want to.

[Anonymous]

I relate to what you are describing. I think it’s a result of the systematic and organized destruction of the traditional indigenous European pagan cultures. The Christian church basically wiped out or corrupted every vestige of ancient European culture and that is still a lingering traumatic experience for those of us who now have a diminished sense of identity because of it. Even many racially oppressed groups still have a shared identity and culture and something like that is not really available to white americans who don’t relate to stereotypical white american culture. We are cultural orphans.

I actually think that is the future though. Humanity needs to start having shared culture that is open to all rather than gatekeeping outdated frameworks based on unscientific and fuzzy concepts of race.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No, that's racism applied to yourself. And worse, if you apply it to others, you would bar any current immigration as well.

As a French multiethnic national living in the US on a visa and hoping to get a green card and citizenship, I utterly reject your premise. Countries NEED immigration. Just not too much too fast, as it creates cultural integration tensions and shortages in public services. But immigration and mixing of cultures is a GOOD thing.

As I mentioned, I am multi-ethnic. What does your reasoning lead to concerning mixed-race people? Do you think they don't belong ANYWHERE?

So. Maybe think a little before you post.

I think you are misreading my post. I’m not saying anyone should feel this way, only that I do.

I feel no connection to this country. I’m fourth generation on both sides, but have no sense of roots here. I know people who trace their family in the US to native tribes that predate colonization, to Spanish families who settled in the western US back when it still belonged to Spain, or when it was Mexico. I know people whose story of belonging in the US is traced to ancestors who were enslaved in the US, which I think makes them deserving of belonging in a way I am not.

I’m not anti-immigration. People should immigrate if the want or need to, I understand the value of immigration.

But I did not choose to immigrate to the US and don’t feel like I have a place here. I wonder if living somewhere that I have deeper roots might offer more belonging on some level, even if it meant learning a new (to me) language and culture.

PP you replied to. I can't be very sympathetic, because I AM different from other people, and I've worked hard to belong. My parents hail from countries that are half a world apart. I spent my childhood living in different countries due to my father's job. I came to the USA as an adult. My kids were born here. We are an international family, with various relatives speaking different languages, and having different religions and cultures.

So this "not belonging" is a effort YOU have to make yourself, OP. It's like being happy. Sometimes that takes work too! Don't think that these things are supposed to be handed to you on a silver platter.

You clearly need a period of self-reflection and introspection. Maybe with the help of a therapist, although most of them are useless. But the point is: the answer you seek is not out there, in a different country. It's inside your head and was there all along.

You feel belonging because you are a family if immigrants in a nation of immigrants. Your multiculturalness is PART of your belonging. That is the story of the US.

And yes, American mental health services are trash. On that we can agree.

PP you replied to. Not at all. Please don't tell me what I should be experiencing. I am continually confronted with micro-aggressions and racial prejudices from well-meaning people who have no clue. It is actually NOT usual to be my sort of multi-ethnic and have the citizenship, language and culture that I have. I have faced prejudices in BOTH my parents' countries of origin. I need to explain my background to people otherwise they assume certain things that are not true.

This is why I told you it takes a continual, albeit low-key, effort to be understood here, and anywhere in the world. I'm OK with the effort because I would need to do it in any country in the world.

You would do well to stop with the hand-wringing and work on yourself. As I said before, happiness doesn't always come easy.

[Anonymous]

My people are either from Poland or Ukraine. Not sure which. I don’t speak those countries languages, and have severe learning disabilities that make learning languages practically impossible and one is in a war and the other is not known for being a good place to move, so no.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread is interesting because I think if OP had written that she was a fourth generation immigrant from Japan or Argentina, people would be more supportive.

It's really normal to want a sense of belonging, and it can be hard to find in a country as multi-ethnic and multi-cultural as the US, especially if your own family has done little to give you a sense of place and belonging. I totally get wanting to feel a connection to your surroundings if you have a history like OPs -- an immigrant family with no real immigrant story, and then several generations of people just kind of wandering around the United States settling here and there, and then the next generations goes and finds another part of the country to settle in. I think that would feel very disconnected and lonely, and I can understand thinking that maybe you would get something out of moving to the last place where some part of your family was more permanent and settled.

I think people are bothered by the fact that OP is white and is looking for roots in her whiteness. But if someone in the same situation but Japanese told me "I'm thinking of trying to emigrate to Japan because I think I might feel a greater sense of belonging there than here," I'd totally get it. Sub in Germany for Japan. It's no different. I get it.

I think, maybe because the US is so big and people don't travel internationally that much, that many Americans don't realize exactly what it means to be American. As another poster put it, spend some real time in another country to learn what it means to be American and what it means to be from a different country and culture.

No, I don't think people are bothered by the fact that OP is looking for roots in her Whiteness. They are bothered by the fact that she has roots but doesn't like them and thinks she can manufacture them somewhere else. That's not how it works. She can certainly emigrate and be an ex-pat - but that won't mean that she has deeper roots there. It means that she could put down roots there, if she wants; but she can also put down roots here, she just doesn't want to.

(1) What are her roots in the US? What does she have to connect to? That's her point. She doesn't feel connected to anything here. She doesn't dislike the US, she doesn't feel like she belongs in it. Those are different things.

(2) People don't travel internationally from the US as much as in other countries because doing so is very expensive. Of course OP has not traveled extensively abroad -- she's obviously not rich. Yes, some people manage to travel a lot without a lot of money, but that's very rare.

(3) I think it's funny that people are saying "If OP had just lived in another country, she'd realize she has more connection to the US than she thinks." Which is easy to say if you've lived abroad, something most Americans never have the opportunity to do! In other words, OP is correct in thinking that if she could go live somewhere else, she would find a sense of belonging. It's just that belonging might be to the US, not another country. But you can't just tell someone that -- they'd need to experience it themselves. Meaning, OP may be correct that she needs to leave the US to find belonging. Either she'd move and discover the US was the place for her all along, or she'd move and find a home elsewhere. Whether she's right or you're right, she'd need to move out of the US to find it, right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My people are either from Poland or Ukraine. Not sure which. I don’t speak those countries languages, and have severe learning disabilities that make learning languages practically impossible and one is in a war and the other is not known for being a good place to move, so no.

I have ancestors from Poland and Germany who both lied about it because at one time or another, those weren't good places to be from.

Not going back to either country. OP can have them.

[Anonymous]

My maternal (decreased) grandparents were born and lived in Italy as infants. I wonder about it occasionally.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread is interesting because I think if OP had written that she was a fourth generation immigrant from Japan or Argentina, people would be more supportive.

It's really normal to want a sense of belonging, and it can be hard to find in a country as multi-ethnic and multi-cultural as the US, especially if your own family has done little to give you a sense of place and belonging. I totally get wanting to feel a connection to your surroundings if you have a history like OPs -- an immigrant family with no real immigrant story, and then several generations of people just kind of wandering around the United States settling here and there, and then the next generations goes and finds another part of the country to settle in. I think that would feel very disconnected and lonely, and I can understand thinking that maybe you would get something out of moving to the last place where some part of your family was more permanent and settled.

I think people are bothered by the fact that OP is white and is looking for roots in her whiteness. But if someone in the same situation but Japanese told me "I'm thinking of trying to emigrate to Japan because I think I might feel a greater sense of belonging there than here," I'd totally get it. Sub in Germany for Japan. It's no different. I get it.

I think, maybe because the US is so big and people don't travel internationally that much, that many Americans don't realize exactly what it means to be American. As another poster put it, spend some real time in another country to learn what it means to be American and what it means to be from a different country and culture.

No, I don't think people are bothered by the fact that OP is looking for roots in her Whiteness. They are bothered by the fact that she has roots but doesn't like them and thinks she can manufacture them somewhere else. That's not how it works. She can certainly emigrate and be an ex-pat - but that won't mean that she has deeper roots there. It means that she could put down roots there, if she wants; but she can also put down roots here, she just doesn't want to.

(1) What are her roots in the US? What does she have to connect to? That's her point. She doesn't feel connected to anything here. She doesn't dislike the US, she doesn't feel like she belongs in it. Those are different things.

(2) People don't travel internationally from the US as much as in other countries because doing so is very expensive. Of course OP has not traveled extensively abroad -- she's obviously not rich. Yes, some people manage to travel a lot without a lot of money, but that's very rare.

(3) I think it's funny that people are saying "If OP had just lived in another country, she'd realize she has more connection to the US than she thinks." Which is easy to say if you've lived abroad, something most Americans never have the opportunity to do! In other words, OP is correct in thinking that if she could go live somewhere else, she would find a sense of belonging. It's just that belonging might be to the US, not another country. But you can't just tell someone that -- they'd need to experience it themselves. Meaning, OP may be correct that she needs to leave the US to find belonging. Either she'd move and discover the US was the place for her all along, or she'd move and find a home elsewhere. Whether she's right or you're right, she'd need to move out of the US to find it, right?

Well, she should spend time in another country. Maybe she would find her happiness there. Maybe she would be miserable and rootless there too.

This is her life. She can take it in her hands - or not.

[Anonymous]

Yes, i feel a yearning to return to my ancestors’ land. It’s not guilt but I definitely don’t feel great or proud about being descended from colonizers. I wish my family had maintained Irish citizenship through the generations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No, that's racism applied to yourself. And worse, if you apply it to others, you would bar any current immigration as well.

As a French multiethnic national living in the US on a visa and hoping to get a green card and citizenship, I utterly reject your premise. Countries NEED immigration. Just not too much too fast, as it creates cultural integration tensions and shortages in public services. But immigration and mixing of cultures is a GOOD thing.

As I mentioned, I am multi-ethnic. What does your reasoning lead to concerning mixed-race people? Do you think they don't belong ANYWHERE?

So. Maybe think a little before you post.

I think you are misreading my post. I’m not saying anyone should feel this way, only that I do.

I feel no connection to this country. I’m fourth generation on both sides, but have no sense of roots here. I know people who trace their family in the US to native tribes that predate colonization, to Spanish families who settled in the western US back when it still belonged to Spain, or when it was Mexico. I know people whose story of belonging in the US is traced to ancestors who were enslaved in the US, which I think makes them deserving of belonging in a way I am not.

I’m not anti-immigration. People should immigrate if the want or need to, I understand the value of immigration.

But I did not choose to immigrate to the US and don’t feel like I have a place here. I wonder if living somewhere that I have deeper roots might offer more belonging on some level, even if it meant learning a new (to me) language and culture.

PP you replied to. I can't be very sympathetic, because I AM different from other people, and I've worked hard to belong. My parents hail from countries that are half a world apart. I spent my childhood living in different countries due to my father's job. I came to the USA as an adult. My kids were born here. We are an international family, with various relatives speaking different languages, and having different religions and cultures.

So this "not belonging" is a effort YOU have to make yourself, OP. It's like being happy. Sometimes that takes work too! Don't think that these things are supposed to be handed to you on a silver platter.

You clearly need a period of self-reflection and introspection. Maybe with the help of a therapist, although most of them are useless. But the point is: the answer you seek is not out there, in a different country. It's inside your head and was there all along.

You feel belonging because you are a family if immigrants in a nation of immigrants. Your multiculturalness is PART of your belonging. That is the story of the US.

And yes, American mental health services are trash. On that we can agree.

PP you replied to. Not at all. Please don't tell me what I should be experiencing. I am continually confronted with micro-aggressions and racial prejudices from well-meaning people who have no clue. It is actually NOT usual to be my sort of multi-ethnic and have the citizenship, language and culture that I have. I have faced prejudices in BOTH my parents' countries of origin. I need to explain my background to people otherwise they assume certain things that are not true.

This is why I told you it takes a continual, albeit low-key, effort to be understood here, and anywhere in the world. I'm OK with the effort because I would need to do it in any country in the world.

You would do well to stop with the hand-wringing and work on yourself. As I said before, happiness doesn't always come easy.

I think you missed the point. It is celebrated and reaffirming to be multicultural in urban elite society these days. That in and of itself is more than what a boring “non” cultural person with white skin has available to explore and identify with if they do not relate to stereotypical white americans.