Do you find “May I ask why you ask?” To be rude? Should you never ask why someone raises a question?

[Anonymous]

I do this when I don’t want to answer the question and refusing would be rude or cause conflict. It defuses the situation.

It basically a way to deflect answering a question.

For example, if my kids ask me - are we rich? I’ll say “why do you ask?”

Or if my mom says - do you want to go on a cruise vacation (she knows I don’t want to go) I’ll say “why do you ask?”

Not sure I have ever asked a stranger this, but it’s possible. It’s easier to ignore a stranger or say, “sorry, I’m in a hurry” and rush by.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are rude/nosy in your question. I assume you are not American. Maybe you don’t know cultural norms here?

?????

Xenophobic and racist poster, may I ask you why you post such a xenophobic and racist answer before even engaging OP in a conversation?

[Anonymous]

You sound socially clueless, OP.

[Anonymous]

This is a vaguely rude thing to say and should only be used in response to a rude question.
"How much money does your husband make" "Why do you ask?"
"So how did you two meet?" "Why do you ask?"
The second one would be rude because the person is just making conversation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is a vaguely rude thing to say and should only be used in response to a rude question.
"How much money does your husband make" "Why do you ask?"
"So how did you two meet?" "Why do you ask?"
The second one would be rude because the person is just making conversation.

Maybe someone doesn’t want to answer how they met. I know a couple who met when he hired her to be a dominatrix. Dead serious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is a vaguely rude thing to say and should only be used in response to a rude question.
"How much money does your husband make" "Why do you ask?"
"So how did you two meet?" "Why do you ask?"
The second one would be rude because the person is just making conversation.

The first one is obviously rude.

Do people think the second one is rude? I ask variations of that all the time.

Like at a party
So how do you know the host?
Or to a married couple, How did you two meet? Like after learning one was from California and one from Maine.

Seems like a normal getting to know you conversation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would like to get better at using “why do you ask?” when people ask me rude or inappropriate questions. I have always struggled with not answering questions when asked. I was raised in a very strict household, and to be extremely deferential to others. I really have to work not to get walked all over. So far I have progressed to just getting openly mad/annoyed when people ask me invasive, inappropriate things. But I’d like to get to the point where I simply say “why do you ask?” and stay calm. I really appreciate people who are self-possessed enough to do this while betraying nothing.

How often are people asking you invasive and inappropriate questions? I can't even think of the last time someone asked me something that was invasive. What kinds of questions?

NP here. I’m adopted and when people find out, they often ask why I was adopted. My child is also adopted and people often ask why as well. Those are invasive and none of their business.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is a vaguely rude thing to say and should only be used in response to a rude question.
"How much money does your husband make" "Why do you ask?"
"So how did you two meet?" "Why do you ask?"
The second one would be rude because the person is just making conversation.

The first one is obviously rude.

Do people think the second one is rude? I ask variations of that all the time.

Like at a party
So how do you know the host?
Or to a married couple, How did you two meet? Like after learning one was from California and one from Maine.

Seems like a normal getting to know you conversation.

No, I don't think the second one is rude. The first one is. I have been asked this by foreign coworkers more than once!