Do you find “May I ask why you ask?” To be rude? Should you never ask why someone raises a question?

[Anonymous]

It's not racial. It means either you asked an overly personal or intrusive question, or the question was vague or for some other reason k n owing why you asked would help the person give a helpful answer.

[Anonymous]

Because asking when the salesperson will be working again ja super creepy OP!

[Anonymous]

I would like to get better at using “why do you ask?” when people ask me rude or inappropriate questions. I have always struggled with not answering questions when asked. I was raised in a very strict household, and to be extremely deferential to others. I really have to work not to get walked all over. So far I have progressed to just getting openly mad/annoyed when people ask me invasive, inappropriate things. But I’d like to get to the point where I simply say “why do you ask?” and stay calm. I really appreciate people who are self-possessed enough to do this while betraying nothing.

[Anonymous]

It’s the respectful response to someone asking inappropriate questions. Like asking when you’ll have your second child, how much did your purse cost, why did you go to Mexico for vacation? I’m so sick of people not being aware of how rude they are.

[Anonymous]

Totally someone's right to ask why you ask them something. It's not rude at all in my opinion.

[Anonymous]

More than race maybe there’s a cultural difference. In my experience there’s a lot of cultural difference for whether questions are appropriate or not. For example my foreign in-laws think nothing of asking why someone has gained weight. And even within the US, some cultures think it’s fine to ask a wide range of things and others think it’s rude to be so direct.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s the respectful response to someone asking inappropriate questions. Like asking when you’ll have your second child, how much did your purse cost, why did you go to Mexico for vacation? I’m so sick of people not being aware of how rude they are.

+1, so many people seem to subscribe to the “well it never hurts to ask” school of human interaction and it doesn’t occur to them that when you are asking all the time, maybe the cumulative effect is that you seem very entitled to information about other people’s lives.

If you get “why do you ask?” a lot, you must be asking a large volume of questions. Maybe ask yourself why you can’t just figure some of this stuff out on your own.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. It happens often enough to recall though I will say I never thought until I saw these responses that it could be a racial response. I didn’t notice until I began to think of examples of when it happened. I am not Caucasian and I never receive it from my minority group or other minority groups that I can think of but do receive it often from men and women who are Caucasian. I’ve gotten this response when asking for directions, when asking how far a city is from where I was, etc…

Those recent examples were when I was shopping and planning to return to decide on an item I asked the store hours and when the salesperson would be working again and then when I asked how far a town was from the one I was in at the time.

Why would you ask when the salesperson works again in order to return something? Sounds stalkerish. The other items (store hours, distance from your city) are easily available on the internet. Try not to be so needy, it’s probably putting people off.

DCUM-ism #1736 Do not ask a salesperson at a store what the house are because you are being too needy. Hilarious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. It happens often enough to recall though I will say I never thought until I saw these responses that it could be a racial response. I didn’t notice until I began to think of examples of when it happened. I am not Caucasian and I never receive it from my minority group or other minority groups that I can think of but do receive it often from men and women who are Caucasian. I’ve gotten this response when asking for directions, when asking how far a city is from where I was, etc…

Those recent examples were when I was shopping and planning to return to decide on an item I asked the store hours and when the salesperson would be working again and then when I asked how far a town was from the one I was in at the time.

Why would you ask when the salesperson works again in order to return something? Sounds stalkerish. The other items (store hours, distance from your city) are easily available on the internet. Try not to be so needy, it’s probably putting people off.

DCUM-ism #1736 Do not ask a salesperson at a store what the house are because you are being too needy. Hilarious.

DP but try reading. Not the store’s hours. The SALESPERSON’s hours!!

[Anonymous]

Depending on what you’re buying or if you are considering multiple options, I don’t think it’s weird to want to work with the same sales person. If you come back with more questions then they have a recollection of what you’re looking for.

I can see how this question is used to shut down inappropriate questions and that is prob the meaning in some cases. But it could also be a way to try to understand what type of answer the person is looking for / how to narrow down their response to be most relevant.

But to answer your question, I don’t think it’s rude

[Anonymous]

I know some people who say this in response to EVERYTHING.
“Have you seen the new … movie?” “Why you ask?!?”
“Do you like hockey? No. WHY.”

[Anonymous]

Miss Manners aside, it’s a valid question

Asking why people are asking can provide context. Maybe the answer to their question is not something they want to share but gives the asker a chance to clarify.

Given we live in a multicultural society, it’s important to be able to communicate open and honestly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would like to get better at using “why do you ask?” when people ask me rude or inappropriate questions. I have always struggled with not answering questions when asked. I was raised in a very strict household, and to be extremely deferential to others. I really have to work not to get walked all over. So far I have progressed to just getting openly mad/annoyed when people ask me invasive, inappropriate things. But I’d like to get to the point where I simply say “why do you ask?” and stay calm. I really appreciate people who are self-possessed enough to do this while betraying nothing.

How often are people asking you invasive and inappropriate questions? I can't even think of the last time someone asked me something that was invasive. What kinds of questions?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. It happens often enough to recall though I will say I never thought until I saw these responses that it could be a racial response. I didn’t notice until I began to think of examples of when it happened. I am not Caucasian and I never receive it from my minority group or other minority groups that I can think of but do receive it often from men and women who are Caucasian. I’ve gotten this response when asking for directions, when asking how far a city is from where I was, etc…

Those recent examples were when I was shopping and planning to return to decide on an item I asked the store hours and when the salesperson would be working again and then when I asked how far a town was from the one I was in at the time.

Why would you ask when the salesperson works again in order to return something? Sounds stalkerish. The other items (store hours, distance from your city) are easily available on the internet. Try not to be so needy, it’s probably putting people off.

DCUM-ism #1736 Do not ask a salesperson at a store what the house are because you are being too needy. Hilarious.

DP but try reading. Not the store’s hours. The SALESPERSON’s hours!!

DP, but you should try reading. A different PP said that it's available on the internet (store hours, directions) and OP is being needy by asking the salesperson.

[Anonymous]

People lack boundaries these days.