When do you let kids take over certain responsibilities

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Personal preference. Yes, kids should know how to do laundry, cook, pack a lunch, etc. But that doesn’t mean they must do it everyday.
Also, what kind of stuff are they packing from a bin that constitutes a complete, healthy meal? They would still need to make themselves sandwiches, or heat up leftovers for thermoses, cut up fruit, etc, which might be a lot for a 6 yo.

Yeah what is this “picking items from a bin”? What are they packing: granola bars and applesauce pouches? Doesn’t seem like a very healthy or nutritious meal can be made from prepackaged bin items. I make my kids sandwiches and cut up fruits and vegetables for them. They are 2nd grade and k. Could they do it themselves? Yes, of course. But it would take 2x as long and I prefer our time in the mornings before school be more relaxing and less rushed/stressful for them.

Have you never heard of carrot sticks celery sticks and apple slices that are precut? Cutie oranges? Yogurt cups?
An 8 year old can certainly make a sandwich given the materials and can spoon leftover pasta sauce and noddles into a container. A 6 year old might need more guidance but is capable

Precut fruits and vegetables don’t taste good. Cutie oranges and yogurts- fine I’ll give you those. And of course they can make their own sandwiches and my 8 year old frequently does make his own sandwiches for lunch on weekends. It’s just not something I feel is important to have them spend time on on school mornings/weekdays.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We had a college aged nanny as a live in during COVID. I bought her a new mattress and lugged it into her room about a month in. She slept on the bare mattress for two weeks before telling me she didn't know how to put sheets on and needed help.

So you hired a very unintelligent nanny. She could’ve easily figured it out if she’d tried or she could’ve even googled it if she really didn’t get it. This sounds made up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For example packing lunches, packing backpack?




DH is of the mind that our first and third grader should be able to do this by picking items from a bin for lunch and should be able to have their backpacks ready for school the night before.
I don't mind making lunches.

If you’re letting them pick from a variety of apple sauce and string cheese, yes, but if you want to give them some better food, like fresh fruit that needs cutting, it may get more complicated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We had a college aged nanny as a live in during COVID. I bought her a new mattress and lugged it into her room about a month in. She slept on the bare mattress for two weeks before telling me she didn't know how to put sheets on and needed help.

So you hired a very unintelligent nanny. She could’ve easily figured it out if she’d tried or she could’ve even googled it if she really didn’t get it. This sounds made up.

Yeah, she was AAP and attending a top 50 college before taking a break for COVID. (She was a science major and didn't want to take virtual labs ).

She also asked for directions to use the world's simplest toaster.

Doing things for yourself before you're 23 is a good thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DCUM always responds in that silly way (see above). Yet it makes no difference at all when they're older, because chores are by definition not hard to learn or implement. I never lifted a finger in the house as a child, yet was perfectly able to cook, clean and organize my home when I move out. My kids started helping out in middle school, but only sporadically, and they will be perfectly responsible young adults when they leave my house. Because they're not stupid.

This isn't rocket science. You don't need to force yourself to teach them when they're young if it complicates your life. If you enjoy it, sure, go ahead, but please remind yourself that you're not a better parent or more enlightened human just because you started your kids young on chores. That would be patting yourself on the back for no reason at all.

+1. My mother made my lunch until the day I graduated high school. It had zero negative effect on my ability to “launch” at 18.

Did you really figure it out in your own or did your roommates teach you? I had several roommates boast about their parents doing everything for them. And the Rest of the housemates has to teach them about picking up after themselves how to do laundry, run a dishwasher

I figured it out, I didn’t have roommates.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DCUM always responds in that silly way (see above). Yet it makes no difference at all when they're older, because chores are by definition not hard to learn or implement. I never lifted a finger in the house as a child, yet was perfectly able to cook, clean and organize my home when I move out. My kids started helping out in middle school, but only sporadically, and they will be perfectly responsible young adults when they leave my house. Because they're not stupid.

This isn't rocket science. You don't need to force yourself to teach them when they're young if it complicates your life. If you enjoy it, sure, go ahead, but please remind yourself that you're not a better parent or more enlightened human just because you started your kids young on chores. That would be patting yourself on the back for no reason at all.

+1. My mother made my lunch until the day I graduated high school. It had zero negative effect on my ability to “launch” at 18.

Did you really figure it out in your own or did your roommates teach you? I had several roommates boast about their parents doing everything for them. And the Rest of the housemates has to teach them about picking up after themselves how to do laundry, run a dishwasher

NP. My mother packed lunches every school day I lived at home. I had other chores, like laundry, and started making family dinners multiple days a week by the time I was 13, and taught several of my college roommates to cook. OP’s specific ask us about school lunches — that is not the be all and end all of chores.

No it's not and you were too lazy and self centered to do it until you were 20 something and forced to do it

Not PP but this was an unnecessarily rude response.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We had a college aged nanny as a live in during COVID. I bought her a new mattress and lugged it into her room about a month in. She slept on the bare mattress for two weeks before telling me she didn't know how to put sheets on and needed help.

So you hired a very unintelligent nanny. She could’ve easily figured it out if she’d tried or she could’ve even googled it if she really didn’t get it. This sounds made up.

Yeah, she was AAP and attending a top 50 college before taking a break for COVID. (She was a science major and didn't want to take virtual labs ).

She also asked for directions to use the world's simplest toaster.

Doing things for yourself before you're 23 is a good thing.

Nope. This didn’t happen. There’s no top college graduate who can’t figure out how to put sheets on a bed or use a toaster. That just isn’t reality.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We had a college aged nanny as a live in during COVID. I bought her a new mattress and lugged it into her room about a month in. She slept on the bare mattress for two weeks before telling me she didn't know how to put sheets on and needed help.

So you hired a very unintelligent nanny. She could’ve easily figured it out if she’d tried or she could’ve even googled it if she really didn’t get it. This sounds made up.

Yeah, she was AAP and attending a top 50 college before taking a break for COVID. (She was a science major and didn't want to take virtual labs ).

She also asked for directions to use the world's simplest toaster.

Doing things for yourself before you're 23 is a good thing.

m
Yes, that’s true, when it comes to things that are actually sometimes tricky to do like budgeting, saving/investing wisely, getting the right health insurance, buying a good used car, doing basic home repairs, basic car repairs, etc things that adults actually struggle with. Adults don’t struggle with putting sheets on a bed or using a toaster unless they are intellectually challenged or have other actual issues keeping them from doing basic tasks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We had a college aged nanny as a live in during COVID. I bought her a new mattress and lugged it into her room about a month in. She slept on the bare mattress for two weeks before telling me she didn't know how to put sheets on and needed help.

So you hired a very unintelligent nanny. She could’ve easily figured it out if she’d tried or she could’ve even googled it if she really didn’t get it. This sounds made up.

Yeah, she was AAP and attending a top 50 college before taking a break for COVID. (She was a science major and didn't want to take virtual labs ).

She also asked for directions to use the world's simplest toaster.

Doing things for yourself before you're 23 is a good thing.

m
Yes, that’s true, when it comes to things that are actually sometimes tricky to do like budgeting, saving/investing wisely, getting the right health insurance, buying a good used car, doing basic home repairs, basic car repairs, etc things that adults actually struggle with. Adults don’t struggle with putting sheets on a bed or using a toaster unless they are intellectually challenged or have other actual issues keeping them from doing basic tasks.

+1. Adults also don’t struggle with making their own lunch. It’s just not a hard thing to learn or do. So stop acting like you need to have your kids making their own lunch in 1st grade so they don’t become adults incapable of making a lunch. That’s nutty.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What are your kids used to? Delicious home cooked hot meals? Clean house? Laundered clothes? Clean bed sheets? Lots of socializing at home? DH and I were raised by moms who pampered us and we grew up in well run households without lifting a finger to do chores. We were able to do all of that when we launched. You learn from observing at home. If small kids are responsible for their own meals, they are not observing daily cooking at home or learned the taste of good food. So sad.

She didn't raise you to be a critical thinker though and that's sad

No, there is a big difference between delegating chores to children to teach them under supervision, and dereliction of parental duties. Your mother should have kept her legs shut and not given birth to a POS human.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He's right. Providing food is an act of love, and we like doing that for people we love. Starting in kindergarten my kids packed their own lunch and got their backpacks ready and laid out their clothes the night before. Did they do this with supervision? Yes. Did I pitch in when they were super busy? Also yes.

This. My 5th grader and 2nd grader (with prompts) pack their own lunches, water bottles, and backpacks.

Same here. Started with 3rd grade (because earlier years were Covid years).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For example packing lunches, packing backpack?




DH is of the mind that our first and third grader should be able to do this by picking items from a bin for lunch and should be able to have their backpacks ready for school the night before.
I don't mind making lunches.

Your third grader absolutely can do this (perhaps with some support, such as a list of what needs to be in the backpack, or the categories of food that are needed in a lunch). A first grader can absolutely do this with support. You will have to remind them to do these things, but they are capable of doing them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You don't have them do it because you don't want to, you have them do it because it's your job to raise them to be confident, capable and independent and that begins when they are very young and you don't do things for them that they can do themselves.

It might make some people feel good to do things for others such as this but with kids it's important to let them feel good instead which is what happens when people start realizing their own potential.

If you want kids to have confidence, you have to let them learn competence. Being able to manage basic tasks teaches them that they CAN manage these things, that they are not just someone for whom things are done, but someone who can do things.

[Anonymous]

13 for doing their own laundry.

8 for sorting family laundry into colors and whites.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Personal preference. Yes, kids should know how to do laundry, cook, pack a lunch, etc. But that doesn’t mean they must do it everyday.
Also, what kind of stuff are they packing from a bin that constitutes a complete, healthy meal? They would still need to make themselves sandwiches, or heat up leftovers for thermoses, cut up fruit, etc, which might be a lot for a 6 yo.

Yeah what is this “picking items from a bin”? What are they packing: granola bars and applesauce pouches? Doesn’t seem like a very healthy or nutritious meal can be made from prepackaged bin items. I make my kids sandwiches and cut up fruits and vegetables for them. They are 2nd grade and k. Could they do it themselves? Yes, of course. But it would take 2x as long and I prefer our time in the mornings before school be more relaxing and less rushed/stressful for them.

Not the PP, but the bin could easily be in the fridge, and could easily contain fresh fruits and vegetables.

And in our house, kids pack their lunch the night before.