When do you let kids take over certain responsibilities

[Anonymous]

For example packing lunches, packing backpack?




DH is of the mind that our first and third grader should be able to do this by picking items from a bin for lunch and should be able to have their backpacks ready for school the night before.
I don't mind making lunches.

[Anonymous]

He is right.

[Anonymous]

Nearly all third graders should be doing this, yes.

First grade, depends on the kid, but it’s definitely something to work toward.

[Anonymous]

He's right. Providing food is an act of love, and we like doing that for people we love. Starting in kindergarten my kids packed their own lunch and got their backpacks ready and laid out their clothes the night before. Did they do this with supervision? Yes. Did I pitch in when they were super busy? Also yes.

[Anonymous]

You don't have them do it because you don't want to, you have them do it because it's your job to raise them to be confident, capable and independent and that begins when they are very young and you don't do things for them that they can do themselves.

It might make some people feel good to do things for others such as this but with kids it's important to let them feel good instead which is what happens when people start realizing their own potential.

[Anonymous]

DCUM always responds in that silly way (see above). Yet it makes no difference at all when they're older, because chores are by definition not hard to learn or implement. I never lifted a finger in the house as a child, yet was perfectly able to cook, clean and organize my home when I move out. My kids started helping out in middle school, but only sporadically, and they will be perfectly responsible young adults when they leave my house. Because they're not stupid.

This isn't rocket science. You don't need to force yourself to teach them when they're young if it complicates your life. If you enjoy it, sure, go ahead, but please remind yourself that you're not a better parent or more enlightened human just because you started your kids young on chores. That would be patting yourself on the back for no reason at all.

[Anonymous]

I made lunch for my kid thru high school mostly as an act of love but also because they got more complete healthier lunches that way

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DCUM always responds in that silly way (see above). Yet it makes no difference at all when they're older, because chores are by definition not hard to learn or implement. I never lifted a finger in the house as a child, yet was perfectly able to cook, clean and organize my home when I move out. My kids started helping out in middle school, but only sporadically, and they will be perfectly responsible young adults when they leave my house. Because they're not stupid.

This isn't rocket science. You don't need to force yourself to teach them when they're young if it complicates your life. If you enjoy it, sure, go ahead, but please remind yourself that you're not a better parent or more enlightened human just because you started your kids young on chores. That would be patting yourself on the back for no reason at all.

Yet I was forced to cook dinner once a week for the family, hated it, and can barely cook now. My cleaning is mediocre and I had tons of chores involving cleaning. I can fold a fitted sheet though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DCUM always responds in that silly way (see above). Yet it makes no difference at all when they're older, because chores are by definition not hard to learn or implement. I never lifted a finger in the house as a child, yet was perfectly able to cook, clean and organize my home when I move out. My kids started helping out in middle school, but only sporadically, and they will be perfectly responsible young adults when they leave my house. Because they're not stupid.

This isn't rocket science. You don't need to force yourself to teach them when they're young if it complicates your life. If you enjoy it, sure, go ahead, but please remind yourself that you're not a better parent or more enlightened human just because you started your kids young on chores. That would be patting yourself on the back for no reason at all.

I'm not surprised you feel this way, obviously many people do given the huge numbers of young adults failure to launch these days.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I made lunch for my kid thru high school mostly as an act of love but also because they got more complete healthier lunches that way

Same here. I'm still chopping vegetables and parceling out little containers of hummus and heating up thermoses for leftovers because 1) teens need 10 minutes more of sleep than they need to pack their own lunches and 2) would be less likely to throw in fruits and vegetables and other healthier options if left to their own devices. They have plenty of other chores, but lunches I still make.

[Anonymous]

My kids have been making lunch since preschool. It requires extra effort up front but years of payoff once delegated. You don’t even need bins/ they are 1st and 3rd now and pack the whole thing.

Kids like to help. The key is you have to let them when they’re young enough that’s it’s novel. Then it’s ingrained when they’re older. Laundry, bathroom cleaning - all they can help with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He's right. Providing food is an act of love, and we like doing that for people we love. Starting in kindergarten my kids packed their own lunch and got their backpacks ready and laid out their clothes the night before. Did they do this with supervision? Yes. Did I pitch in when they were super busy? Also yes.

This. My 5th grader and 2nd grader (with prompts) pack their own lunches, water bottles, and backpacks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DCUM always responds in that silly way (see above). Yet it makes no difference at all when they're older, because chores are by definition not hard to learn or implement. I never lifted a finger in the house as a child, yet was perfectly able to cook, clean and organize my home when I move out. My kids started helping out in middle school, but only sporadically, and they will be perfectly responsible young adults when they leave my house. Because they're not stupid.

This isn't rocket science. You don't need to force yourself to teach them when they're young if it complicates your life. If you enjoy it, sure, go ahead, but please remind yourself that you're not a better parent or more enlightened human just because you started your kids young on chores. That would be patting yourself on the back for no reason at all.

+1. My mother made my lunch until the day I graduated high school. It had zero negative effect on my ability to “launch” at 18.

[Anonymous]

To me it would be odd to have a first grader pack their own lunch every day. They need to know how to do it if I am out or sick, but on a day to day basis, I make the lunches (even for my middle schooler). I make sure it’s a somewhat balanced meal and in the case of the middle schooler, I am gifting them a few extra minutes of sleep.

[Anonymous]

My DS started making his lunch in 2nd/3rd grade. Laundry in 3rd grade.