Hide birthday party guest list or not?

[Anonymous]

Please don’t hide - we always try to coordinate carpooling. I really do not care if you didn’t invite the entire class or not. I don’t tell my kid who is or isn’t going or who is or isn’t invited (though I’m confident they talk about it at school). My DC either wants to go or doesn’t, it’s not dependent on the list. I need the list to juggle my ability to get DC there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What is your reason for hiding the list?

If it’s because you don’t want people to know that you only invited half the class, won’t they find that out anyway when they go to the party and only half the class is there (or when they ask other non invited kids’ parents to carpool and find out the other kids aren’t invited that way?)

If it’s because you don’t want people to rsvp no because their kid’s bff isn’t invited, I don’t think that should be a big concern for a 6 year olds party. I mean I do that as an adult because I don’t want to go to an event where I won’t have anyone to talk to/where I only know the host but for a kid’s bday party when these kids are in class together I dont think majority of parents are thinking this way (unless they rely on their kid’s bff’s parents for carpool)

+1. Why make this harder than it has to be....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don’t hide the list. Make it’s very awkward for those of us to dance around the subject of “is this other person I know invited or not”. I hate it and prefer to just know if can or can’t mention the party

Yep, this. When parents hide the list, I always assume they are being exclusionary and don’t want people to know. It also makes it more likely that I will decline if I would need a carpool because I don’t want to upset someone if it turns out their kid wasn’t invited.

+1 I really dislike when people hide the list!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Please don’t hide - we always try to coordinate carpooling. I really do not care if you didn’t invite the entire class or not. I don’t tell my kid who is or isn’t going or who is or isn’t invited (though I’m confident they talk about it at school). My DC either wants to go or doesn’t, it’s not dependent on the list. I need the list to juggle my ability to get DC there.

Just contact the host if you're too stretched. Geez! It's clear not everyone wants to share that kind of info and that's okay. You're private campaign to change other folks behavior won't work. Just adapt!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Please don’t hide - we always try to coordinate carpooling. I really do not care if you didn’t invite the entire class or not. I don’t tell my kid who is or isn’t going or who is or isn’t invited (though I’m confident they talk about it at school). My DC either wants to go or doesn’t, it’s not dependent on the list. I need the list to juggle my ability to get DC there.

Just contact the host if you're too stretched. Geez! It's clear not everyone wants to share that kind of info and that's okay. You're private campaign to change other folks behavior won't work. Just adapt!

DP. As long as your okay with people “adapting” by declining invitations if the don’t have the ability to arrange a carpool without risking inadvertently sharing that someone else’s child was excluded.

[Anonymous]

I hate when parents hide the guest list. I have a shy kid and it's helpful to be able to tell him "look, so-and-so will be there!" and I might want to arrange a carpool without bugging the host about it.

I don't get the privacy concerns. You aren't Beyonce.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ve always hidden the list, but I’m big on privacy.

This!

Privacy is huge for me and these are children, so. . .

Oh please. Your kid is blabbing all over school about their party. The other kids who weren't invited know damn well. And if you swear up and down your kid would never do this, then for sure some of the invited children will. There is no privacy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Please don’t hide - we always try to coordinate carpooling. I really do not care if you didn’t invite the entire class or not. I don’t tell my kid who is or isn’t going or who is or isn’t invited (though I’m confident they talk about it at school). My DC either wants to go or doesn’t, it’s not dependent on the list. I need the list to juggle my ability to get DC there.

Just contact the host if you're too stretched. Geez! It's clear not everyone wants to share that kind of info and that's okay. You're private campaign to change other folks behavior won't work. Just adapt!

Your way doesn't even work. You look foolish for no reason.

[Anonymous]

I was specifically taught growing up that guest lists were kept private, because you don't base your party attendance on who else is going. So in the early years, before parties were drop off, I hid them.

But clearly this bit of etiquette has gone the way of paper thank you notes, so now that my kids are older, I publish and am grateful they're published, because I'm one of the people arranging carpools.

Still make my kids do thank you notes, though.

[Anonymous]

Isn't there a way to hide the responses if using something like evite? You can show who was invited but not what the responses were.

[Anonymous]

We don't hide the list for two reasons:

1. We want people to know who isn't invited so they save themselves from awkward conversations like "Are you going to Jenna's party? Oh, you weren't invited? Oops!"
2. This makes it easier for people to carpool.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Please don’t hide - we always try to coordinate carpooling. I really do not care if you didn’t invite the entire class or not. I don’t tell my kid who is or isn’t going or who is or isn’t invited (though I’m confident they talk about it at school). My DC either wants to go or doesn’t, it’s not dependent on the list. I need the list to juggle my ability to get DC there.

Just contact the host if you're too stretched. Geez! It's clear not everyone wants to share that kind of info and that's okay. You're private campaign to change other folks behavior won't work. Just adapt!

DP. As long as your okay with people “adapting” by declining invitations if the don’t have the ability to arrange a carpool without risking inadvertently sharing that someone else’s child was excluded.

Yep! Totally fine with me! I think this is the "adaption" to the opposite.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Please don’t hide - we always try to coordinate carpooling. I really do not care if you didn’t invite the entire class or not. I don’t tell my kid who is or isn’t going or who is or isn’t invited (though I’m confident they talk about it at school). My DC either wants to go or doesn’t, it’s not dependent on the list. I need the list to juggle my ability to get DC there.

Just contact the host if you're too stretched. Geez! It's clear not everyone wants to share that kind of info and that's okay. You're private campaign to change other folks behavior won't work. Just adapt!

Your way doesn't even work. You look foolish for no reason.

To "look" foolish on an anonymous forum? Hmmm

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hate when parents hide the guest list. I have a shy kid and it's helpful to be able to tell him "look, so-and-so will be there!" and I might want to arrange a carpool without bugging the host about it.

I don't get the privacy concerns. You aren't Beyonce.

1. Same.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Please don’t hide - we always try to coordinate carpooling. I really do not care if you didn’t invite the entire class or not. I don’t tell my kid who is or isn’t going or who is or isn’t invited (though I’m confident they talk about it at school). My DC either wants to go or doesn’t, it’s not dependent on the list. I need the list to juggle my ability to get DC there.

Just contact the host if you're too stretched. Geez! It's clear not everyone wants to share that kind of info and that's okay. You're private campaign to change other folks behavior won't work. Just adapt!

Your way doesn't even work. You look foolish for no reason.

To "look" foolish on an anonymous forum? Hmmm

NP. What? PP means you will look foolish to the host for reaching out to accommodate your kid…it makes absolutely no sense to ask the host to help you find a carpool arrangement for the party.