Stay-at-home moms in Asian culture?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is OP. Thank you for all your replies! As I suspected, it must be something more to do with this particular family than Chinese or Asian culture as a whole. Or perhaps it is an immigrant mentality.

Stop generalizing your observations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My family reveres a highly educated SAHM.

I’m Korean American. All my relatives in Korea stay home. They study hard to go a top university to marry well and they all stayed home when they had a baby. I’m married to a physician and I also stay home. My mother seems to approve of my life. In Japanese and Korean cultures, it is preferred that the mom stay home to raise the children. I don’t think it is the same for Chinese or Indians although the uber rich don’t seem to work.

This isn’t true of Korean and Korean-American culture overall. I think it really depends on your circle and where you live. And maybe the extent to which your parents suffered to put their kids through top schools. I’m Korean American and SAH with my kid while DH worked. My parents were not happy and wouldn’t stop nagging me to go back to work. This was with DH making over 500k and in my job I made 40k so it wasn’t a money issue. I think this had also changed a lot in the past 15-20 years or so. Women are expected work outside of motherhood these days.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There are five billion Asians. You can’t possibly group them altogether. Each family’s preferences and opinions will vary.

This. What is the common sense on this topic among all the countries on the American continent, including South America?!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There are five billion Asians. You can’t possibly group them altogether. Each family’s preferences and opinions will vary.

This. What is the common sense on this topic among all the countries on the American continent, including South America?!

There are more Asians in the world than all other ethnic groups combined. My mixed Asian American family has nothing to do with an Indian family in NJ or a Korean family in California or a Vietnamese family in Texas.

Would you ask what a black or white Americans think about SAHMs?

With all cultures across the board regardless of race, the richest often don’t work. If you are a billionaire, you are not going to work some job paying you a few hundred thousand dollars. UMC will have working professionals.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My family reveres a highly educated SAHM.

I’m Korean American. All my relatives in Korea stay home. They study hard to go a top university to marry well and they all stayed home when they had a baby. I’m married to a physician and I also stay home. My mother seems to approve of my life. In Japanese and Korean cultures, it is preferred that the mom stay home to raise the children. I don’t think it is the same for Chinese or Indians although the uber rich don’t seem to work.

I have a couple of nieces who are married to doctors staying home and raising kids. The arrangement seems to work fine for now. Personally, I don't want my daughter to follow that path if possible. I don't want her to rely on man to support her and become her lifeline.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In some families it’s expected that the moms will work and the grandparents will take care of the kids. Maybe that’s how those grandparents expected things to go and are mad they don’t get to be with the grandkids?

This is the main reason. On the Asian side of my family, all the grandmothers watched at least one set of grandkids while the mom worked at a good job. But without the grandparent care, I think the mom may have stayed home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My family reveres a highly educated SAHM.

I’m Korean American. All my relatives in Korea stay home. They study hard to go a top university to marry well and they all stayed home when they had a baby. I’m married to a physician and I also stay home. My mother seems to approve of my life. In Japanese and Korean cultures, it is preferred that the mom stay home to raise the children. I don’t think it is the same for Chinese or Indians although the uber rich don’t seem to work.

I have a couple of nieces who are married to doctors staying home and raising kids. The arrangement seems to work fine for now. Personally, I don't want my daughter to follow that path if possible. I don't want her to rely on man to support her and become her lifeline.

+1 main reason I would not want my DD to start off as a sahm. I want DD to have a career first, build up her network, finances, be marketable, then have kids.

I saw my one sister who was a sahm, initially, get divorced. She struggled to get back into the workforce but needed to because her DH was a loser who became under employed.

My mother stayed in a terrible marriage to my father because she had no other means of financial support. If she had, she could've left that abusive marriage.

I would never advocate for a woman to be a sahm long term.

I'm East Asian.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My Filipino grandmother and mother both worked. It was my grandmother's career at the World Bank that brought her to the US. It was the men who stayed home bc they couldn't find work here.

This is common among Filipino Americans. The women are often the ones that get jobs here and visas, particularly because many frontline nurses are trained in the Philippines.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In some families it’s expected that the moms will work and the grandparents will take care of the kids. Maybe that’s how those grandparents expected things to go and are mad they don’t get to be with the grandkids?

This may be what is happening. Less about sahm/no sahm than about the grandparents (the grandma often) and their role.

My grandma (from Taiwan) watched her grandkids. My aunt watches her grandkids. My aunt is part of a whole *community* in her city of UMC educated women who watch their grandkids. They do Chinese new year stuff together with the grandkids on the weekdays, take them to enrichment activities together, go for stroller walks together etc. Beung a part of this community is a really big deal to my aunt.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In some families it’s expected that the moms will work and the grandparents will take care of the kids. Maybe that’s how those grandparents expected things to go and are mad they don’t get to be with the grandkids?

This may be what is happening. Less about sahm/no sahm than about the grandparents (the grandma often) and their role.

My grandma (from Taiwan) watched her grandkids. My aunt watches her grandkids. My aunt is part of a whole *community* in her city of UMC educated women who watch their grandkids. They do Chinese new year stuff together with the grandkids on the weekdays, take them to enrichment activities together, go for stroller walks together etc. Beung a part of this community is a really big deal to my aunt.

I have a good friend who is Taiwanese. He parents left her with the grandparents while her parents worked. The dad was a doctor and mom was a nurse. The parents would come get her on weekends. My friend is very resentful of this.

I also have other Asian friends who either lived apart or were frequently dropped off at grandparents and it seems like a painful memory from their childhood. They also have an extra hard time when grandparents pass because they were the primary.

[Anonymous]

Women of my mother and grandmother’s generation admired those who could stay at home because their husbands made enough money. They would mildly pity the married women who had to work to afford the standard of living they wanted. We are Indian, btw.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Women of my mother and grandmother’s generation admired those who could stay at home because their husbands made enough money. They would mildly pity the married women who had to work to afford the standard of living they wanted. We are Indian, btw.

I wonder if you are North Indian? It’s the opposite in my family, but we are South Indian and educating women is a big deal among UMC.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In some families it’s expected that the moms will work and the grandparents will take care of the kids. Maybe that’s how those grandparents expected things to go and are mad they don’t get to be with the grandkids?

This may be what is happening. Less about sahm/no sahm than about the grandparents (the grandma often) and their role.

My grandma (from Taiwan) watched her grandkids. My aunt watches her grandkids. My aunt is part of a whole *community* in her city of UMC educated women who watch their grandkids. They do Chinese new year stuff together with the grandkids on the weekdays, take them to enrichment activities together, go for stroller walks together etc. Beung a part of this community is a really big deal to my aunt.

I have a good friend who is Taiwanese. He parents left her with the grandparents while her parents worked. The dad was a doctor and mom was a nurse. The parents would come get her on weekends. My friend is very resentful of this.

I also have other Asian friends who either lived apart or were frequently dropped off at grandparents and it seems like a painful memory from their childhood. They also have an extra hard time when grandparents pass because they were the primary.

Painful? It doesn’t have to be, it can be beautiful and nurturing. My grandmas played a big role in raising me and it was not painful at all. One is still alive and healthy and I’m in my 40s. But even if she passed earlier, that’s no reason not to form a bond and not to be grateful for the time you had. I also have a good relationship with my parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In some families it’s expected that the moms will work and the grandparents will take care of the kids. Maybe that’s how those grandparents expected things to go and are mad they don’t get to be with the grandkids?

This may be what is happening. Less about sahm/no sahm than about the grandparents (the grandma often) and their role.

My grandma (from Taiwan) watched her grandkids. My aunt watches her grandkids. My aunt is part of a whole *community* in her city of UMC educated women who watch their grandkids. They do Chinese new year stuff together with the grandkids on the weekdays, take them to enrichment activities together, go for stroller walks together etc. Beung a part of this community is a really big deal to my aunt.

I have a good friend who is Taiwanese. He parents left her with the grandparents while her parents worked. The dad was a doctor and mom was a nurse. The parents would come get her on weekends. My friend is very resentful of this.

I also have other Asian friends who either lived apart or were frequently dropped off at grandparents and it seems like a painful memory from their childhood. They also have an extra hard time when grandparents pass because they were the primary.

Painful? It doesn’t have to be, it can be beautiful and nurturing. My grandmas played a big role in raising me and it was not painful at all. One is still alive and healthy and I’m in my 40s. But even if she passed earlier, that’s no reason not to form a bond and not to be grateful for the time you had. I also have a good relationship with my parents.

I guess depends on the situation. I know a few Chinese immigrants in the US that once the baby was born sent the baby back to China for the grandparents to watch out of necessity while both parents continued working their white collar jobs. It’s out of necessity that families are separated like that and that’s a painful experience.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In some families it’s expected that the moms will work and the grandparents will take care of the kids. Maybe that’s how those grandparents expected things to go and are mad they don’t get to be with the grandkids?

This may be what is happening. Less about sahm/no sahm than about the grandparents (the grandma often) and their role.

My grandma (from Taiwan) watched her grandkids. My aunt watches her grandkids. My aunt is part of a whole *community* in her city of UMC educated women who watch their grandkids. They do Chinese new year stuff together with the grandkids on the weekdays, take them to enrichment activities together, go for stroller walks together etc. Beung a part of this community is a really big deal to my aunt.

I have a good friend who is Taiwanese. He parents left her with the grandparents while her parents worked. The dad was a doctor and mom was a nurse. The parents would come get her on weekends. My friend is very resentful of this.

I also have other Asian friends who either lived apart or were frequently dropped off at grandparents and it seems like a painful memory from their childhood. They also have an extra hard time when grandparents pass because they were the primary.

Painful? It doesn’t have to be, it can be beautiful and nurturing. My grandmas played a big role in raising me and it was not painful at all. One is still alive and healthy and I’m in my 40s. But even if she passed earlier, that’s no reason not to form a bond and not to be grateful for the time you had. I also have a good relationship with my parents.

Because your situation is NOT what PP was talking about? A lot of grandparents play a big role in raising grandkids.